Dating?
I have started reading this book I bought today called, "The 10 Commandments of Dating". So far, I have only read the introduction, and I really like it. So I decided to share it with you. I may just post the whole dang book, but not right now. We shall see:
If you are like most singles, you are tired of the dating scene. You are tired of pouring time, energy, and money in relationships that start off great and end with heartache. Maybe you are frustrated because you can't find The One for you, no matter how hard you pray, primp, and pleasd. Maybe you've been in many serious relationshps, but for some unknown reason, you can't seem to close the deal. Or perhaps you are single again and are afaid of making the same mistakes that resulted in so much pain and disillisionment in previous relationships.
While I (Ben) can't "feel your pain", I can definitely relate. There were times in my dating career that I felt so confused and put our with the whole system, I though ny brain would explide. I said, "God, either arrange a marriage for me or make me a monk, because this dating thing ain't working.
I was so disillusioned that Mother Teresa's way of like looked more arrractive than ever.
During my dating stuggle, I began to write down quips and theories (like, "The Platonic Relationship Theory", "The Heisman Trophy Treatment, " and "The Heavy Metal Headbanger Trap") to teenagers, college students, and singles. After a few years, I coined nearly fifty dating terms, a collection we call "Swami Ben's Theories and Observations on the Mixed-Up, Crazy World of Relationships." Granted, I was no relationship swami, but the through experience and a lot of thought, I was learning the basics on how to make the dating thing really work.
Finally, the dating thing worked in my life, and not just in my theories. God did not answer my bogus prayer request to arrange a marriage or turn me into a monk, but He did allow me to meet the woman of my dreams, learn how to grow in this relationship, and eventually get married. Finding such a woman was well worth the years of pain, struggle, and loneliness.
During a decade of working with thousands of singles, and gleaning wisdom from my own experiences, I began to discover not just relationship theories, but relationship laws. In other words, there were laws of dating just as there were laws of nature. I noticedc that if you kept these laws - we call them commandments - you would be blessed, and if you borke them you would be cursed. I called my good friend, clinical psychologist, Dr. Sam Adams, to see if these laws I observed were based in reality or if I was just delusional. He verified that I was not insane, and told me he also believed there were some absolutes in the dating process. We decided to combine my street-smart insights and overvations of relationships with his clinical knowledge and counseling expertise, and this book is the result.
Our Vision
Our vision in writing this book is to provide you with ten time-tested relationship laws to protect you from the pitfalls of modern dating, and greatly increase your odds of successful dating. We promise to stay away from contemporary, relativistic dating theories. Our goal is not to tickle your ears or fill your mind with pseudopopsychological platitudes on relationships. There is enough bad advice on dating being spewed out on TV sitcoms and talk shows to fill legions of singles bars and health clubs. THis book wil give you practical, no-nonesense commandments on how to make dating work (and please don't be offended by our political incorrectness). Keep in mind, these are not suggestions or recommendations based upon surveys and opinion polls. These are solid "truths" that, for the most part, have a moral foundation. If you keep the Ten Commandments of Dating, your relationships will run more smoothly, you will protect yourself from the pain of comtemporary dating pitfalss, and you will be on your way to building loving, lasting relationships.
Having said that, we want to acknowledge two arritudes that often bring about resistance to the idea of nonnegotiable laws for dating (we may as well address them up front).
1. Moral Relativism
One of the most disturbing trends in our society is the arrirude of moral relativism (especially rampant amoung Generation Xers). The essence of this belief is that there are no absolute truths, all truth is relative. Therefore, what's true for you may not be true for me, according to this approach. Most relativists stress "tolerance" and what "feels right". The do not belive in an absolute standard that helps distinguish between clear right and wrong. In fact, they are offended by this idea. Because this attitude is so percasive in our culture, you can't help but be inflienced by it somewhat.
Are there absolutes? Do we have a source for truth? We believe the answer is a resounding yes. Call us old-fashioned if youw ill, but we believe that the Bible has a lot more to say about successful relationships (directly and indirectly) than most people realize. And, we have no problem accepting it as the ultimate authority and standard for all time. We don't buy into moral relativism, and we hope you don't either.
2. The Mystery of Relationships
The second attitude that often gets in the way of nonnegotiable laws of relationships is associated with the mysterious nature of relationships. Granted, there is a certain mystery and complexity to any type of relationship. There is something about love and attraction that is difficult to explain, and we readliy agree that you can't just reduce successful relationships down to simple logic. Often, there are deeper needs and unconscious drives that influence our choices of dating partners. The temptation that many face is to concede to the mystery of relationships, throwing up their hands, and hoping for the best. We believe that you can do better than that. While we cannot and do not guarantee 100 - percent success through some simple formulas, we do believe you can improve your chances, and help ensure a solid foundation for a good marriage in spite of the mystery. We also believe we have truth on our side - something that many feel-good, relationship experts cannot assert.
You've Got Nothing To Lose
We want to challenge you to seriously consider these laws. We suspect that much of your dating confusion can be eliminated if you simply keep these ten relational commandments. Remember, God gave Israel the Ten Commandments to show them how to live life. THese ten are designed to show you how to succeed in your love life. Each chapter will spell out the benifits of keeping a commandment and the consequences of breaking it. If you've already broken a few, don't panic. You can follow the commandment and get abck on track. It's never too late.
Dating is one of the most importand processes you will ever go through, and it potentially can lead to one of the most important decisions of your life. You can't afford to ignore the laws in this book. This book is written from a Christian perspective. But you don't have to be a Christian for these laws to work for you. They still reflect truth. Reguardless of you beliefs, when you respect these laws, you will be better off. When you violte the laws, you will experience negative consequences. If you have already glanced at our ten commandments and feel it's toolate for you, relax. Youa re not alone. Negative consequeences from poor choices may remain, but the good news it, it's never too late to start doing the right thing. Relationships will always be a mixed bag of joy and heartache, fun and serious work. Sure, dating is risky business - but doing it right is well worth the risk. We believe that if you keep these commandments, you will experience a greater depth of peace, love, and fulfillment in your own life and in your relationships. You haev everything to gain, and nothing to lose.
If you are like most singles, you are tired of the dating scene. You are tired of pouring time, energy, and money in relationships that start off great and end with heartache. Maybe you are frustrated because you can't find The One for you, no matter how hard you pray, primp, and pleasd. Maybe you've been in many serious relationshps, but for some unknown reason, you can't seem to close the deal. Or perhaps you are single again and are afaid of making the same mistakes that resulted in so much pain and disillisionment in previous relationships.
While I (Ben) can't "feel your pain", I can definitely relate. There were times in my dating career that I felt so confused and put our with the whole system, I though ny brain would explide. I said, "God, either arrange a marriage for me or make me a monk, because this dating thing ain't working.
I was so disillusioned that Mother Teresa's way of like looked more arrractive than ever.
During my dating stuggle, I began to write down quips and theories (like, "The Platonic Relationship Theory", "The Heisman Trophy Treatment, " and "The Heavy Metal Headbanger Trap") to teenagers, college students, and singles. After a few years, I coined nearly fifty dating terms, a collection we call "Swami Ben's Theories and Observations on the Mixed-Up, Crazy World of Relationships." Granted, I was no relationship swami, but the through experience and a lot of thought, I was learning the basics on how to make the dating thing really work.
Finally, the dating thing worked in my life, and not just in my theories. God did not answer my bogus prayer request to arrange a marriage or turn me into a monk, but He did allow me to meet the woman of my dreams, learn how to grow in this relationship, and eventually get married. Finding such a woman was well worth the years of pain, struggle, and loneliness.
During a decade of working with thousands of singles, and gleaning wisdom from my own experiences, I began to discover not just relationship theories, but relationship laws. In other words, there were laws of dating just as there were laws of nature. I noticedc that if you kept these laws - we call them commandments - you would be blessed, and if you borke them you would be cursed. I called my good friend, clinical psychologist, Dr. Sam Adams, to see if these laws I observed were based in reality or if I was just delusional. He verified that I was not insane, and told me he also believed there were some absolutes in the dating process. We decided to combine my street-smart insights and overvations of relationships with his clinical knowledge and counseling expertise, and this book is the result.
Our Vision
Our vision in writing this book is to provide you with ten time-tested relationship laws to protect you from the pitfalls of modern dating, and greatly increase your odds of successful dating. We promise to stay away from contemporary, relativistic dating theories. Our goal is not to tickle your ears or fill your mind with pseudopopsychological platitudes on relationships. There is enough bad advice on dating being spewed out on TV sitcoms and talk shows to fill legions of singles bars and health clubs. THis book wil give you practical, no-nonesense commandments on how to make dating work (and please don't be offended by our political incorrectness). Keep in mind, these are not suggestions or recommendations based upon surveys and opinion polls. These are solid "truths" that, for the most part, have a moral foundation. If you keep the Ten Commandments of Dating, your relationships will run more smoothly, you will protect yourself from the pain of comtemporary dating pitfalss, and you will be on your way to building loving, lasting relationships.
Having said that, we want to acknowledge two arritudes that often bring about resistance to the idea of nonnegotiable laws for dating (we may as well address them up front).
1. Moral Relativism
One of the most disturbing trends in our society is the arrirude of moral relativism (especially rampant amoung Generation Xers). The essence of this belief is that there are no absolute truths, all truth is relative. Therefore, what's true for you may not be true for me, according to this approach. Most relativists stress "tolerance" and what "feels right". The do not belive in an absolute standard that helps distinguish between clear right and wrong. In fact, they are offended by this idea. Because this attitude is so percasive in our culture, you can't help but be inflienced by it somewhat.
Are there absolutes? Do we have a source for truth? We believe the answer is a resounding yes. Call us old-fashioned if youw ill, but we believe that the Bible has a lot more to say about successful relationships (directly and indirectly) than most people realize. And, we have no problem accepting it as the ultimate authority and standard for all time. We don't buy into moral relativism, and we hope you don't either.
2. The Mystery of Relationships
The second attitude that often gets in the way of nonnegotiable laws of relationships is associated with the mysterious nature of relationships. Granted, there is a certain mystery and complexity to any type of relationship. There is something about love and attraction that is difficult to explain, and we readliy agree that you can't just reduce successful relationships down to simple logic. Often, there are deeper needs and unconscious drives that influence our choices of dating partners. The temptation that many face is to concede to the mystery of relationships, throwing up their hands, and hoping for the best. We believe that you can do better than that. While we cannot and do not guarantee 100 - percent success through some simple formulas, we do believe you can improve your chances, and help ensure a solid foundation for a good marriage in spite of the mystery. We also believe we have truth on our side - something that many feel-good, relationship experts cannot assert.
You've Got Nothing To Lose
We want to challenge you to seriously consider these laws. We suspect that much of your dating confusion can be eliminated if you simply keep these ten relational commandments. Remember, God gave Israel the Ten Commandments to show them how to live life. THese ten are designed to show you how to succeed in your love life. Each chapter will spell out the benifits of keeping a commandment and the consequences of breaking it. If you've already broken a few, don't panic. You can follow the commandment and get abck on track. It's never too late.
Dating is one of the most importand processes you will ever go through, and it potentially can lead to one of the most important decisions of your life. You can't afford to ignore the laws in this book. This book is written from a Christian perspective. But you don't have to be a Christian for these laws to work for you. They still reflect truth. Reguardless of you beliefs, when you respect these laws, you will be better off. When you violte the laws, you will experience negative consequences. If you have already glanced at our ten commandments and feel it's toolate for you, relax. Youa re not alone. Negative consequeences from poor choices may remain, but the good news it, it's never too late to start doing the right thing. Relationships will always be a mixed bag of joy and heartache, fun and serious work. Sure, dating is risky business - but doing it right is well worth the risk. We believe that if you keep these commandments, you will experience a greater depth of peace, love, and fulfillment in your own life and in your relationships. You haev everything to gain, and nothing to lose.