Gossip
A/N: written for this prompt at motorskink
“You’d think, Kimi being silent with the media and all, he’d be silent in bed.” Romain grumbles, steals Charles’ tea and drops into a chair with them at the back of the driver’s briefing room as they wait for Charlie and varying drivers to turn up. You’d think, it being the first one of the year, that they’d be on time, but never mind. “Or that Lotus might actually have sound proof walls.”
“What?” Charles looks confused, Jean-Eric less so.
“Oh, don’t act like you don’t know. You were in GP2 with Sam and Jules, and don’t even try to tell me that you didn’t know about those two.” Romain replies, raises an eyebrow. “Woah, you are way too innocent for F1.”
“I am not!” Charles protests quietly. “But his wife isn’t here, is she?”
“No. But Fernando is, obviously.”
“Fernando and Kimi are having sex in his motor home?” The pair of rookies gasp, open-eyed and open-mouthed. They look rather like goldfish, Romain muses.
“Yes. I though we’d established that.” He sighs. “If you’re this slow, it’s no wonder you’re in a Marussia.” He adds under his breath, but evidently not quietly enough, as Charles thumps him in the arm before taking his cup back. “Sorry. At least your team mate isn’t shagging another driver. Loudly. You’re one of the lucky ones. Just ask Sebastian, Lewis or Michael, I’d hate to have to deal with Mark, Jenson and Nico in the room next door. But I do suppose Sebastian gets his revenge, in a way.”
“You say that,” Jules announces his arrival with an interjection. “Nico and Paul are pretty close. Too close if you ask me for just friendship. And Vitaly and Bruno. Surely you knew about that, you were with them at Renault, right? And then evidently, you’ve never dealt with Felipe and Rob.”
“See, they’re the two I’d suspect.” Jean-Eric decides. “What, with the whole ‘Felipe-baby’ thing.”
“They’re easy to guess.” Romain acknowledges. “Bet you couldn’t have got the whole Jenson-Nico-Mark thing, though. Now‘s that‘s what I‘d call kinky.”
“No. How do you know about that?” Charles frowns, still realising that evidently, Formula One drivers have tendencies to rival-chase, as well as supermodel-chase.
“Fernando.” Jules grins. “And you think we’re gossips.”
“He does the talking that Kimi doesn’t.” Romain agrees. “It’s sort of cute in a way.”
“Not as cute as Sam.” Jules digresses. Romain rolls his eyes. “Of course, you’d disagree.” Romain repeats his action.
“Of course!” He laughs, “Why choose your boyfriend over mine?”
“So apart from us, who isn’t dating another driver?” Jean-Eric inquires.
“Seb technically isn’t.”
“Not anymore.” Jules agrees. “Jaime.” He elaborates. “Bet that’s awkward. ‘Yeah, you could have replaced me or joined me at Red Bull at one point, and then our boss sacked you.’” He rambles, gets a couple of laughs from the other men sat with him.
“Bet there’s a fair bit of hate sex there.” Romain smirks. Jules sniggers.
“Yeah, but hate sex is definitely one of the best types of sex.” He declares.
“No, no, no.” Romain shakes his head and sighs. “I’d say long, slow loving sex when you have the entire weekend free and you barely leave the bedroom except to get food, and you don‘t have to wear any sort of clothing for at least two days.”
“Ooh.” Jules grins, gets a slight far-away look in his eye. “Yeah. Though just getting to fall asleep together does make it just that bit better.” He opines.
“Yeah.” Romain nods. “Spooning?”
“Big or little spoon?”
“I’m taller, take a guess.” He invites. “I take it that it’s the same for you.”
“Because I’m small enough compared to Sam to make a little spoon!” Jules giggles, sarcasm leaching into his voice.
“Good point.” Romain admits. “See, how would spooning work for the threesome?”
“Ask them, not me!” Jules protests. “I’m not that kinky!”
“I’ll ask Sam that, you know.” Is the smirked response from Romain. Charles and Jean-Eric have by now reverted from goldfish to tennis spectators, heads turning every time the conversation turns from Romain to Jules and back again.
“Like he’s going to tell you.” Jules snorts.
“Because unlike you, he’s not a complete and utter gossip.” Jerome murmurs to Romain, mainly, dropping into the only remaining seat near the group and snuggling into Romain’s side when he gets an arm flung around his shoulders, tips his face upwards for what looks like a passionate kiss. “You’re like old ladies with nothing else to do.”
“You, of all people, should know that I am definitely not female.”
“And I do, but sometimes you act like one!” Jerome laughs, looks up at Romain like he’s the centre of his world. Which, when he’s cuddled that close to Romain, he probably is.
“I’m just in touch with my feminine side!” Romain protests, but smiles and rests his cheek on the top of his boyfriend’s head. “So, new boys. Feel up to date with all the gossip yet, or do I get to do some more?”
“I think we’ve got it all, thanks.” Charles is glancing round, watching at the subtle clues to each relationship as the drivers trickle in. Mark automatically gravitates towards Jenson, Fernando has settled next to Kimi and is completely ignoring Felipe, who is doing the same in return and is discussing something with Bruno, who’s loosely linked his fingers with Vitaly’s, the Russian sat watching him with a half-smile on his face, one that says he knows he’s lucky. Nico H and Paul are far more subtle, at opposite ends of the room, but they cast glances at each other, tiny smiles and they appear to have each other’s shirts on at a closer look. Sam, sat with Nico R (who himself is watching raptly as Jenson and Mark interact), smiles over at Jules, who smiles back instantly, watches Sam even when his boyfriend turns away to annoy Nico.
“Yeah. We know how much you like to gossip.” Jean-Eric jokes, moves his leg out of the way of the kick Romain lazily aims his way.
“We’ll convert you by the end of the season.” Jules promises, and the mischievous glance he sends their way suggests he’s going to stick to it. The lack of women in formula one it seems, has not lead to a lack of typically female pastimes.