I am gunna make it through this year if it kills me.
So this morning I woke up to find my mother in the kitchen.
"I'm don't want to be the one to ruin your day Rachel, but this came in the mail for you today."
she handed me a envelope that said "Heywood Hospital."
I opened it.
$1,300. One thousand, three hundred dollars.
They didn't even charge me for the ambulence ride. Just to WALK INTO the emergency room cost me $500 dollars.
The thing that gets me the most is that I consistently yelled at them and told them I didn't have insurance, and that I didn't want treatment. They said, "Oh we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." Well here I am at the bridge. I don't want to fucking cross it. I don't have the money for this.
Over a thousand dollars of my money. A month and a halfs worth of wages at work. I cried all morning. I cried in the shower. I cried while making a horrible attempt at putting on makeup...it kepts getting wiped away from tears. I cried eating a bowl of lucky charms. I cried while watching The Nanny. I cried on the way to work. I cried for an hour AT work.
I've put myself in this position. It's no one elses fault but my own. I should have been better at saving money years ago...maybe I would have some now. I have nothing in the bank. I have nothing. My car is still broken. I can't pay for it. I have insurance for it every month starting in september. I need shampoo, conditioner, razors, hairspray, basic makeup, face wash, gas, cigarettes, food, and a million other things...and what do I do? Treat myself to 2 cds yesterday. Knowing full well I had to pay for this. I thought last night that it would make me feel better. That I deserved these 2 cds because it's nice to treat myself once in a while other than the regular nessecities.
Now I wish I could return everything I have ever bought.
I don't care if I don't have nice clothes like everyone else. I don't care that I can't afford to eat at fucking wings every damn night. I don't care that I can't even afford coffee anymore. I just wish I had enough money to pay this off up front and pay off my dad and my aunt and get my car fixed. Thats all I want.
My only dream right now is to move out and have a place of my own. At this rate...I don't know when that will happen. It's very disheartening. Everyone keeps saying, "oh they'll do a payment plan or something for you...they can't force you to pay it all at once."
The point is...I feel like I'm literally tossing over a thousand dollars out the fucking window. I work so hard for that money and I have to hand it over to these horrible people that treated me like dirt during my brief stay at the hospital, and wouldn't listen to me when I was continually telling them I didn't have insurance and I didn't want them to do anything to me other than let me leave. I was concious and feeling better. Let me go home. but no.
I'm whining and complaining, and it does make me feel better.
But like an amazing woman once said to me when I was a little girl, "LIKE DUST I WILL RISE."
I will get through this money issue. I will.
I have Nick to help me through this emotionally.
I have my family too.
I will do this, and I will feel liberated and look back on all of this shit and be glad to be where I am.
As I am typing this, I just looked down to see a giant hole in the crotch of my jeans. I realized I needed to go buy a new pair...and I can't. haha wow.
I'm going to be OK. I always am. I just feel better that I got all of this out.
"I'm don't want to be the one to ruin your day Rachel, but this came in the mail for you today."
she handed me a envelope that said "Heywood Hospital."
I opened it.
$1,300. One thousand, three hundred dollars.
They didn't even charge me for the ambulence ride. Just to WALK INTO the emergency room cost me $500 dollars.
The thing that gets me the most is that I consistently yelled at them and told them I didn't have insurance, and that I didn't want treatment. They said, "Oh we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." Well here I am at the bridge. I don't want to fucking cross it. I don't have the money for this.
Over a thousand dollars of my money. A month and a halfs worth of wages at work. I cried all morning. I cried in the shower. I cried while making a horrible attempt at putting on makeup...it kepts getting wiped away from tears. I cried eating a bowl of lucky charms. I cried while watching The Nanny. I cried on the way to work. I cried for an hour AT work.
I've put myself in this position. It's no one elses fault but my own. I should have been better at saving money years ago...maybe I would have some now. I have nothing in the bank. I have nothing. My car is still broken. I can't pay for it. I have insurance for it every month starting in september. I need shampoo, conditioner, razors, hairspray, basic makeup, face wash, gas, cigarettes, food, and a million other things...and what do I do? Treat myself to 2 cds yesterday. Knowing full well I had to pay for this. I thought last night that it would make me feel better. That I deserved these 2 cds because it's nice to treat myself once in a while other than the regular nessecities.
Now I wish I could return everything I have ever bought.
I don't care if I don't have nice clothes like everyone else. I don't care that I can't afford to eat at fucking wings every damn night. I don't care that I can't even afford coffee anymore. I just wish I had enough money to pay this off up front and pay off my dad and my aunt and get my car fixed. Thats all I want.
My only dream right now is to move out and have a place of my own. At this rate...I don't know when that will happen. It's very disheartening. Everyone keeps saying, "oh they'll do a payment plan or something for you...they can't force you to pay it all at once."
The point is...I feel like I'm literally tossing over a thousand dollars out the fucking window. I work so hard for that money and I have to hand it over to these horrible people that treated me like dirt during my brief stay at the hospital, and wouldn't listen to me when I was continually telling them I didn't have insurance and I didn't want them to do anything to me other than let me leave. I was concious and feeling better. Let me go home. but no.
I'm whining and complaining, and it does make me feel better.
But like an amazing woman once said to me when I was a little girl, "LIKE DUST I WILL RISE."
I will get through this money issue. I will.
I have Nick to help me through this emotionally.
I have my family too.
I will do this, and I will feel liberated and look back on all of this shit and be glad to be where I am.
As I am typing this, I just looked down to see a giant hole in the crotch of my jeans. I realized I needed to go buy a new pair...and I can't. haha wow.
I'm going to be OK. I always am. I just feel better that I got all of this out.