Totally long-winded-ness...january_embersAugust 21 2006, 17:11:16 UTC
A couple of quick points:
1. Read it. Just so you know that.
2. Consider the possibility that rather being "still a child" that perhaps you're outgrowing most of your friends. I got my heavy-drinking, big partying days out of my system before I even turned 21. Until the last few months, I could count the number of times I'd been to a bar on my fingers. The allure of Ralph's (where we all seem to be hanging out these days) is that it's a cheap night out (I sometimes have an alcoholic drink, never more than two, and usually just drink soda) where I can socialize & sit outside and smoke. The "parties" my friends have at this point aren't the kind of parties I want to go to anymore.
3. Seriously, social anxiety is a bitch. I totally understand it. But not only does it make it hard to hang out in large groups, it makes it hard to meet new people - people who might be more on the same wavelength you are than your current friends. & between your job & the time you spend with Nick, I don't know how much time you have left over to do something like join a book club or something similar where you could meet people who like to do the things you like to do. I have this same problem *constantly*. It's easier to sit home and do my own thing than to go out and actively try to meet people. Now, thankfully, Clarissa pushes my ass out of the house tons more than I would do on my own, but for the most part, I'm still not meeting the types of people I want to meet - people closer to my own age & with similar interests. I don't have the answer for you, unfortunately. Mostly 'cause I go through the same things you're going through ALL THE DAMN TIME.
4. As for it "being too late" to be someone's number 1 friend again, yeah, I doubt that. I went through a pretty considerable period where I felt like I had no one to confide in - no one I could pick up the phone and call just 'cause I was feeling lonely. And I'll be honest with you; during that time, my expectations of what I actually "needed" from a best friend did change somewhat - and at this point, I am getting that again. You just have to be patient and things will come together, I promise. But again, most people your age are not mature enough to form solid adult friendships - friendship changes as you get older. What you had when you were young (pre-teen) will never happen again. What you had when you were in your teens will likely never happen again. You just have to revise your requirements as you mature - and I think once you realize what you really need from a best friend, you'll find someone that will fill that role.
5. It's going to be okay, sweetie. Take some deep breaths. Love what you have that is good in your life (especially that boyfriend of yours who adores you). Try to be patient (I say try, 'cause I totally suck at that & you might too). You have a million adventures and good memories that just haven't happened yet.
Re: Totally long-winded-ness...whiskywaterkissAugust 21 2006, 17:30:52 UTC
April, thank you so much for taking the time not only to read my post, but to comment back in such an in depth way.
I really appreciate everything you wrote. I kind of knew everything you said, but I really needed to hear it from someone else. But you're right, I do feel like I've outgrown the people I'm friends with. I would like to meet new people who have similar interests, but when I do get free time, it's usually spent sleeping, or making time for the few friends that I already have...I guess I just need to budget time a little better.
It sucks that I haven't been to Ralphs on the same nights as you. I really don't like it there, or at any bar really, but I think if you were there it would have been more enjoyable. Again, thank you. Thank you for still considering me a friend even though we barely see each other. We'll always be friends though, I promise. It means so much to me that you care about me more than the people I considered my "best friends" for so long.
Re: Totally long-winded-ness...january_embersAugust 21 2006, 17:58:30 UTC
No worries. I've been through at least most of what you're going through right now, and I think sometimes, the best thing is just to have someone else tell you that it will get better.
1. Read it. Just so you know that.
2. Consider the possibility that rather being "still a child" that perhaps you're outgrowing most of your friends. I got my heavy-drinking, big partying days out of my system before I even turned 21. Until the last few months, I could count the number of times I'd been to a bar on my fingers. The allure of Ralph's (where we all seem to be hanging out these days) is that it's a cheap night out (I sometimes have an alcoholic drink, never more than two, and usually just drink soda) where I can socialize & sit outside and smoke. The "parties" my friends have at this point aren't the kind of parties I want to go to anymore.
3. Seriously, social anxiety is a bitch. I totally understand it. But not only does it make it hard to hang out in large groups, it makes it hard to meet new people - people who might be more on the same wavelength you are than your current friends. & between your job & the time you spend with Nick, I don't know how much time you have left over to do something like join a book club or something similar where you could meet people who like to do the things you like to do. I have this same problem *constantly*. It's easier to sit home and do my own thing than to go out and actively try to meet people. Now, thankfully, Clarissa pushes my ass out of the house tons more than I would do on my own, but for the most part, I'm still not meeting the types of people I want to meet - people closer to my own age & with similar interests. I don't have the answer for you, unfortunately. Mostly 'cause I go through the same things you're going through ALL THE DAMN TIME.
4. As for it "being too late" to be someone's number 1 friend again, yeah, I doubt that. I went through a pretty considerable period where I felt like I had no one to confide in - no one I could pick up the phone and call just 'cause I was feeling lonely. And I'll be honest with you; during that time, my expectations of what I actually "needed" from a best friend did change somewhat - and at this point, I am getting that again. You just have to be patient and things will come together, I promise. But again, most people your age are not mature enough to form solid adult friendships - friendship changes as you get older. What you had when you were young (pre-teen) will never happen again. What you had when you were in your teens will likely never happen again. You just have to revise your requirements as you mature - and I think once you realize what you really need from a best friend, you'll find someone that will fill that role.
5. It's going to be okay, sweetie. Take some deep breaths. Love what you have that is good in your life (especially that boyfriend of yours who adores you). Try to be patient (I say try, 'cause I totally suck at that & you might too). You have a million adventures and good memories that just haven't happened yet.
Reply
I really appreciate everything you wrote. I kind of knew everything you said, but I really needed to hear it from someone else.
But you're right, I do feel like I've outgrown the people I'm friends with. I would like to meet new people who have similar interests, but when I do get free time, it's usually spent sleeping, or making time for the few friends that I already have...I guess I just need to budget time a little better.
It sucks that I haven't been to Ralphs on the same nights as you. I really don't like it there, or at any bar really, but I think if you were there it would have been more enjoyable.
Again, thank you.
Thank you for still considering me a friend even though we barely see each other. We'll always be friends though, I promise. It means so much to me that you care about me more than the people I considered my "best friends" for so long.
love you. ^__^
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You'll get there, sweetie, you will. :)
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