Notes about being mixed-gender
Reconciling my mixed-gender identity and my physical body, for me, is a matter of accepting limitations. I only have one body. I can present both masculine and feminine traits at the same time, however, something I've learned is that most other people will still categorize me as a male or female person. There is no third option for the vast majority of people, it's just not in mainstream American culture to think that way. So I found that for me, being perceived as male felt just as limited and wrong as being perceived as female, and being perceived as completely androgynous is
1. very rare
and
2. just makes most people get twitchy and freaked out and stare, and pretty much ends any possibility of useful social interaction
So, in lieu of these limitations, I kind of stopped caring. Because the problem isn't me, I can't fix it. Being perceived as male, though extremely validating in many ways, wasn't fixing the basic problem for me, so I stopped taking hormones. The thing I have true control over is my own expectations, so I've adjusted those. I'm a mixed-gender person, and it's taken me a long, long time to understand and accept that, and I can't reasonably expect most others to just "get it" without the same information I've sought out and personal reflection that I've gone through. Because I'm physically female and have lots of masculine traits, people will either see me as a short little guy, or as a lesbian, depending on what I'm wearing, the circumstances, and their own filters. Some who are more sophisticated/familiar with gender variance might see me as a trans guy, genderqueer, androgyne, third gender, etc. But I don't expect that. I can't expect people to get it right, because I'll be disappointed too often, and that gets old fast. At this point in my life, I'm open to however people want to interpret my gender. I think it's interesting, and I don't find that it really matters to me. So long as I'm treated with respect and humanity, I could really care less. I know the truth, and I've accepted myself and my situation in life. I'll certainly speak out if I or other gender variant people are treated as less-than, but I won't be surprised. Transphobia, homophobia, sexism, and many other very limiting ways of seeing human variance are deeply ingrained in American culture (and many other cultures.) I'm not satisfied with that, I do what I can to reject and transform those ways of thinking, but I also try to be realistic about the depth of cultural change that will have to take place for people like us to become acceptable. It's entirely possible that the stigma of not being (or wanting to be) Barbie or Ken is not going to go away in my lifetime. It's always a smoother ride if you're "normal," but we all deal with limitations, discrimination, unfairness and inequalities. That's part of being human. We are not all made exactly the same. I for one think it keeps things very interesting. I intend to have fun with it and stay curious.
1. very rare
and
2. just makes most people get twitchy and freaked out and stare, and pretty much ends any possibility of useful social interaction
So, in lieu of these limitations, I kind of stopped caring. Because the problem isn't me, I can't fix it. Being perceived as male, though extremely validating in many ways, wasn't fixing the basic problem for me, so I stopped taking hormones. The thing I have true control over is my own expectations, so I've adjusted those. I'm a mixed-gender person, and it's taken me a long, long time to understand and accept that, and I can't reasonably expect most others to just "get it" without the same information I've sought out and personal reflection that I've gone through. Because I'm physically female and have lots of masculine traits, people will either see me as a short little guy, or as a lesbian, depending on what I'm wearing, the circumstances, and their own filters. Some who are more sophisticated/familiar with gender variance might see me as a trans guy, genderqueer, androgyne, third gender, etc. But I don't expect that. I can't expect people to get it right, because I'll be disappointed too often, and that gets old fast. At this point in my life, I'm open to however people want to interpret my gender. I think it's interesting, and I don't find that it really matters to me. So long as I'm treated with respect and humanity, I could really care less. I know the truth, and I've accepted myself and my situation in life. I'll certainly speak out if I or other gender variant people are treated as less-than, but I won't be surprised. Transphobia, homophobia, sexism, and many other very limiting ways of seeing human variance are deeply ingrained in American culture (and many other cultures.) I'm not satisfied with that, I do what I can to reject and transform those ways of thinking, but I also try to be realistic about the depth of cultural change that will have to take place for people like us to become acceptable. It's entirely possible that the stigma of not being (or wanting to be) Barbie or Ken is not going to go away in my lifetime. It's always a smoother ride if you're "normal," but we all deal with limitations, discrimination, unfairness and inequalities. That's part of being human. We are not all made exactly the same. I for one think it keeps things very interesting. I intend to have fun with it and stay curious.