All horror movies agree: Southerners are weird.
I'm watching Two Thousand Maniacs, a 1964 movie by Herschell Gordon Lewis. It is both stupid (as 60s horror movies are) and messed up.
The main thing I've learned is that if you're driving in the South and you come across a handmade Detour sign, DON'T FOLLOW THE DETOUR.
If you are dumb enough to follow the detour and enter a small town where all the townspeople come out to greet you, waving Confederate flags, DON'T STOP YOUR CAR.
If you are dumb enough to stop your car and engage in conversation with the Confederate flag-waving townspeople, DON'T GET OUT OF THE CAR.
If you are dumb enough to get out of the car and let the townspeople lead you away, all the while proclaiming "You're the guest of honor!", YOU'RE SCREWED AND CLEARLY DESERVE WHAT'S COMING TO YOU.
And what's coming to you will involve four horses, a barrel with nails in it, Ol' Teetering Rock, an axe, and a BBQ. You dopey Yankee.
You can solve all your problems while driving in the South by procuring yourself a license plate from any Southern state. To be on the safe side, slap a Confederate flag on your car and Southerns will wave you on through to your destination. No shady detours for you!
The main thing I've learned is that if you're driving in the South and you come across a handmade Detour sign, DON'T FOLLOW THE DETOUR.
If you are dumb enough to follow the detour and enter a small town where all the townspeople come out to greet you, waving Confederate flags, DON'T STOP YOUR CAR.
If you are dumb enough to stop your car and engage in conversation with the Confederate flag-waving townspeople, DON'T GET OUT OF THE CAR.
If you are dumb enough to get out of the car and let the townspeople lead you away, all the while proclaiming "You're the guest of honor!", YOU'RE SCREWED AND CLEARLY DESERVE WHAT'S COMING TO YOU.
And what's coming to you will involve four horses, a barrel with nails in it, Ol' Teetering Rock, an axe, and a BBQ. You dopey Yankee.
You can solve all your problems while driving in the South by procuring yourself a license plate from any Southern state. To be on the safe side, slap a Confederate flag on your car and Southerns will wave you on through to your destination. No shady detours for you!