Only three more episodes. There had best be some Mr. Sark in my future TV viewing.
Recap. *yawn and a tear for Anna Espinosa, the only good thing about this show, unless Sark pops up*
Syd is sporting a blonde wig, crazy sunglasses, hideous pink suit, and a horrid Southern accent. She’s a “perfume maker” or something.
Ooo, they should put CloneSyd through the same thing they put Anna through and make CloneSyd into CloneSark and then I can have two Sarks to ogle, like the two Ewans in The Island. Oh wait, the show is happening and I should probably stop thinking about the double Ewan…oh goodness…
Renee is outside doing something, Syd just sprayed a bunch of people with her “perfume” and placed the bottle next to a server or something, I guess to read something or other. Something happened and Renee ends up bursting in and “robbing” the place. She throws Syd on the ground near some server thingie and while Renee is robbing the place, Syd sticks something in the server and then Renee “kidnaps” Syd and they drive off into the sunset, happy as clams.
Now we’re in Barcelona. Ah, Sloane. He’s sporting new Harry Potter glasses, but the rims are kind of see-through plastic. Nope, I like the black rims much better. I think they should focus more attention on Sloane’s eyewear instead of Syd’s.
They’re talking about Rambaldi. I think I just dozed off. Now some shady guy is talking about the cure for Nadia with Sloane, something about how Nadia’s heart will have to stop working in order to give her the cure. Who cares? The season’s almost over anyway. They need a good death. Well, I wouldn’t say this is would be a good death, but it would be a death, since it appears that Vaughn isn’t dead, or so people are saying.
Fred is talking to someone about Page 47 and then CloneSyd walks up behind her and the camera gets all up close and intimate with her face, rubbing it in that Anna is gone and now we have to deal with twice the Syd.
Someone is in a hospital bed. Hey! It’s Nadia! She makes her first actual appearance (other than Sloane talking about her all the time) on the show in forever. I, for one, didn’t miss her. Maybe she’ll come back all ZombieNadia and then woo! The show would be pretty good.
Sloane is stopping Nadia’s heart by smothering her. Ummm, couldn’t you just pull a plug or something? Ooo, he’s wearing the dark rim Harry Potter glasses though, so that’s cool. You know what else would be cool? If these credits didn’t just start and kill my train of thought.
Commercials. Now I’m wondering if Vaughn is actually dead and this Vaughn they’re talking about who will supposedly be coming back on the show is a CloneVaughn to go with CloneSyd. Oh no! I just had a horrid thought! Ack! Tom Cruise’s horrid mug just derailed that train of thought too! Get it off the TV! No one wants to see your stupid movie, you stupid, stupid man!
Back to my horrid thought. What if CloneVaughn is actually Sark and they put my precious through the dumb process they put Anna through to make CloneSyd? And then they’re go around posing as Syd and Vaughn and I’ll cry and cry because not only did they get rid of Anna but they dared to mess with my Sark until my tear ducts run dry. Then I’ll jump off the roof and be very depressed when that doesn’t do anything because it’s only a story high and that can’t do too much damage, unless I land on my head properly…
O….kay, that last paragraph was uberweird.
Sloane injected a fun huge needle into Nadia and he’s thinking that he was too late with the cure because nothing is happening except Nadia just woke up. Well, duh. Of course that would happen.
Syd is talking to Dixon, arms crossed, constipated look going full blast. Rachel wanders in, mumbling stuff about some criminal guy and Renee and art. Then Marshall comes in to inform Syd that Nadia is awake. Awww! Half-sister reunion!
Sloane is talking about Nadia and his pursuit of the cure. Boooooooooooooooooooring.
Syd comes in to see Nadia and they exchange a happy glance, but if one analyzes that happy glance, one will actually see that ZombieNadia is lurking underneath, waiting to bite into Syd’s jugular. I should write for this show.
SpyDaddy is asking Dixon to look into Sloane’s activities, “off the record.” Methinks SpyDaddy is suspecting something about Sloane. At least one person on this show actually realizes that they’re supposed to be a spies and not trust anyone. Ahh, SpyDaddy. You’re rarely let me down.
My dad got these boxes of cereal last week that made me gag when I first saw them. Kellogg’s Mini Swirlz “cinnamon buns”, one box of original cinnamon and one of fudge ripple. And the fudge ripple is rocking my previously socked feet. Nummy to munch on. Takes the mind of boring shows and dumb commercials.
You know, this show hasn’t had a good slow-mo walk in a while. Ooo, if I was writing this show I would a) not make it so dumb; and b) have Sark strut in slow-mo all over the screen. Heck, I’d make it the Sark Show, consisting of him strutting around, sometimes in full suit and sometimes in a fluffy bathrobe, sometimes in a towel…
Sloane and Nadia are sitting outside and Nadia is all “I can’t wait to see Isabelle and change diapers and hang out with Syd and be all girly and not a zombie.” Sloane is all sorts of jealous because Nadia wants to go back to being Syd’s roomie. I think he was thinking of Nadia coming to live with him so they could have girly nights. Ha! Sloane with bows in his hair and wearing pink and purple footie pajamas, with a face mask on.
Dixon informs SpyDaddy that Marshall has tapped Sloane’s stuff so that they can keep an eye on him.
Renee and NewLoveInterest are in Paris for some reason. Ah, Page 47. Renee knows the guy who the baddies have paid to decipher the page. She’s talking to him by phone and it would appear he’s seen something on the page. Looks like white spots, either constellations or dandruff from Rambaldi.
Nadia and Syd are chatting at Syd’s place. All I hear is blah, blah, blah, Rambaldi, blah blah, baby, blah blah.
SpyDaddy is all ready to stalk Sloane. Syd tells Nadia, who shows up and tells Jack she’s coming with him. Dun, dun, duuuuuuunnnnnnnn!
Ooo, commercial for Oreos! Dude, I looooove Oreos and now I want some. And some Chips Ahoy. I love cookies. Cookies and milk make me super happy. You know what else makes me super happy? Good TV shows with hot men in them.
Now we’re in Zurich. Renee is sporting a superlong blonde wig and cleavage. She’s visiting the Page 47 Interpreter Guy. Actually, seducing looks more appropriate than visiting. And then she kills the mood by telling the guy she’s taking him hostage and using him to find Anna. Sorry, Renee, Anna is gone. We’re stuck with CloneSyd now. You and I can cry together.
SpyDaddy is following Sloane somewhat closely. Only a complete dingbat would not be able to notice a huge black vehicle tailing it. Extreme closeup on the fact Jack is driving a Hybrid. Product placement? Nah.
Sloane takes something in a warehouse storage garage thingie and Nadia watches the guy punch in the code to lock the locker. Bravo for her and her excellent eyesight. Now she and Jack are lurking around and see that Sloane has a bunch of Nadia’s stuff in there. Interesting. Or not.
Renee and NLI are interrogating the interpreter and he says he’s going to meet with Anna tomorrow. He says the document is a fake and those little white spots are some kind of something or other that gave it away. NLI wonders where the real page is. Cut to Sloane at home where he is taking the real Page 47 out of the case that he took from the storage locker.
Ah, there’s that Bird Flu TV movie again. It’s trash like that that really makes me miss MST3K.
Ooo, I ate too much of those fudge ripple cereal thingies. Or maybe it’s just my stomach complaining about this show, which is now back on with Sloane looking through Rambaldi crap. You know who his Rambaldi friend was? Sark.
Nadia shows up at Sloane’s place, hoping to stay with him and get to know him again. Yes, I’m sure that’s really why you’re there. But damn, Sloane has an awesome house. Now they’re drinking tea and spilling their innermost thoughts and feelings. Someone is angry at someone else, someone wasn’t sure if someone could be a good father, someone needs someone more than someone else needs someone, someone has been using the word someone too many times.
Sloane leaves Nadia alone and goes to make dinner. Nadia is still wearing her hospital bracelet. Very chic. She goes in search of scissors to cut it off and conveniently finds Page 47 hanging out under something on Sloane’s desk. Sloane walks in, trying to explain why he still has Rambaldi junk hanging around. Oh yeah, now I know why Nadia doesn’t like Rambaldi. She was in her little coma thingie because of something Rambaldi, although I can’t remember the specifics. And again I say, who cares?
Dude, Nadia put the page in the fire, a message starts appearing (it’s so the One Ring wannabe on paper), Sloane pushes her out of the way to get the page, she falls through his glass table and it appears as though she got a huge chunk of glass stuck in her neck. Yup, Nadia is dead. Sweet. I didn’t see that coming. Now Syd is going to be uberconstipated and pissy.
Marshall just said something about a place being really crowded with people, cars and goats. Jack is not amused as Marshall is using little toy cars to set up some kind of Anna capture thingie. I’m amused Marshall!
Syd, Rachel, Dixon, NLI and Renee are in Ghana to get Anna. I can just imagine the look on their faces when they see the new and very much not improved Anna. Rachel doesn’t do ShadySpy very well, but I’m not surprised by this fact. Renee has a fun gun that she’s putting together and positioning herself on the grassy knoll, aka in a nearby building. Syd is looking around for Anna and a car comes into the marketplace. Wait for it….wait for it…no one is getting out of the car and everyone is saying, “Gee, something’s not right” and then the car pulls a U-turn and drives away with everyone chasing her. Syd jumps in front of the car and shoots at it. The car crashes, Syd sees that Anna isn’t in the car. Renee is walking away and CloneSyd appears in front of her. Renee says, “Sydney…” CloneSyd proceeds to slash Renee’s throat, smirk, and walk away. Syd finds Renee dead, looks constipated and then finally goes to the drug store to get some laxatives.
Cut to Nadia with her sliced throat and it’s all parallel or something. Jack is apparently in Sloane’s house, looking at dead Nadia. Sloane has been welcomed back into something or other. I’m guessing some badguy organization. Dull.
Preview: CloneSyd, Vaughn, a microchip, and no mention of Sark. Bugger that.