Alias. It's almost over, right?
I’m semi-looking forward to this episode as Will and Anna aka Zoe from Firefly is on it.
Recap: woah, Syd had a baby! Where have I been?
A hooded figure steps out of a shady black car. The hood is removed to reveal Sloane. And here I thought the KKK was going for a more subtle shorter black hood.
The 12 are waiting for Sloane inside a room. Huh, is Sloane supposed to be Jesus? Is this the Last Supper? You know, I’ve always thought Sloane had some sort of Messiah complex going on.
A bunch of old guys sitting around some swanky looking room. How shocking that this is boring me. Some old guy gives Sloane info about Nadia or something, but then they say something about if Sloane does something, he’ll get his daughter back. I am so understanding this.
Fred is brought to a cell where a very dangerous person is located. And there’s ZoeAnna! She looks a bit like Buffy in that episode where she goes cave man and wants beer. I forgot Anna had an accent. Fred offers her the chance to destroy Sydney. Camera zooms in on Anna’s face. Unnecessary zoom!
Syd puts the baby down in her crib and SpyDaddy is making noise by dropping knives, which he informs Syd need to be put out of reach of children. “Dad, she’s only 4 months old. She can’t even hold her head up. I think she’ll be okay.” Aww, Mommy and Grandfatherly something or others. I forget what I was going to say. Oh well.
Sloane is asking old dudes to give him their word that Syd won’t be harmed in whatever it is they’re doing. This commentary would probably make more sense if I knew what the crap was going on. But who cares because there’s Anna!
And she just knocked on Will’s door! She suckers him into believing that she’s an agent and he invites her in when Anna says something may have happened to Syd and his cover may have been blown. Poor Will, always so trusting of strange women. Then Anna shocks him or stuns him with something. Will falls down while twitching, a bit like a bug that you swat with a newspaper, but it doesn’t die right away.
Ahhh! An ad for Pearl Harbor on ABC! Ahhh! *massive amounts of vomiting*
Luckily Will’s house has cameras installed and they caught the abduction on tape. Anna vogues for the camera and Syd gets constipated.
Extreme close-up of Sloane with his Harry Potter glasses. He makes me giggle.
Ewww! Will is getting a really big and nasty-looking needle stuck into the back of his head. Okay, that was highly unnecessary. Was that to wake him up? Creepy guy says “He’ll be awake soon.” Couldn’t they have just slapped him around a few times or thrown ice cold water on him?
Syd is packing for her trip to save Will. Awww, she got babysitters. Oh goodness. SpyDaddy sent two agents to take care of the house and baby. The baby’s name is Isabelle. Cute. Now the agents are going to baby-proof the house for Syd because not only are they agents, they’re also trained in infant care. Aren’t they all?
Syd picks up the crying baby who won’t shut up for her but then when black agent guy holds Isabelle, she starts cooing at him. Syd says that Isabelle probably won’t miss her. Black Agent Guy says, very deadpan, “The mother-child bond is impossible to replicate, even by Agent Dalton and myself.” Am amused.
Uh oh, techno music kicks in and they’re in Moscow. I sense a nightclub. It’s been too long. Oh gag me, it’s a weird techno “Riders On the Storm.” Syd is sporting a red wig. Oh yeah, she’s going clubbing and/or murdering. She always wears red for the “and/or” missions.
Dixon is sporting his fun dreadlocks and bobbing his head around. Rachel is sporting an odd dark short wig and the PushUpBraOfDoom. Dixon gets into a brawl in order to distract people from Syd. NewLoveInterest wanders in while this is going on. Women wearing metallic handkerchiefs around their boobs are wandering around. Now Syd is swinging around a glowstick. That’s a new prop.
Some guy hits on her, but he’s not the guy they’re looking for so Syd uses the old “I’m not drinking because I’m breast-feeding” line. That chases him away.
Marshall finds the guys they’re looking for thanks to the fun scanner glasses all the agents are wearing. Very fancy.
Rachel distracts the guy by showing off her cleavage. Then NLI comes over, Rachel slaps NLI (they’re pretending to be married) while Syd slips a microphone on the back of badguy’s collar. They find out that Anna is in the building with Will.
Syd busts into a room and goes to untie Will when Anna bursts in and whacks her in the face. Then Anna gets her a bit with a knife and the badguys with Fred are doing some data capture scan thing of Syd. Anna goes to stab Syd again and Will beats Anna up after freeing himself from his bonds. Someone has been taking fighting classes. Then Anna breaks the window and escapes while Fred and her badguy friends smirk because they got the scan thingie of Syd. O. Kay.
Now they’re on a plane and Syd is going all “nurse” on Will and he slips in “I should probably call my fiancé to let her know I’m okay.” Oh, he hasn’t asked the girl yet. He had been planning on popping the question when Anna popped in. Way to bust up a party, Anna.
Now they’re talking about Syd’s baby because they haven’t talked in two years. Will asks, “Who’s the father?” Wait for it…Vaughn is the father. This is as mind-blowing as Vader being Luke’s father.
SpyDaddy states the obvious to Syd, “There’s no reason anyone would abduct Will Tippin unless it was to get to you.” It amazes me she’s a spy.
Duuuuude, they’re doing an “isotope data transfer” on Anna. They are obviously going to be making her morph into Syd as they did with EvilFrancie. Aww, poor Francie.
Will is cooing all over Isabelle and Syd is getting all mopey and whatnot. And alarms start going off in Syd’s house. BabysittingAgents bust in, tell Syd to take the baby from Will. Then they slam Will against the wall and scan him to discover that the bad guys planted a bomb in Will’s head.
Marshall is making everyone feel better by saying Will’s head is going to explode.
Anna calls Will’s cellphone. She was trying to call a 1-900 number to reach Sark, but accidentally got Syd answering Will’s phone instead. How embarrassing.
Oh. My. Goodness. There’s a made-for-TV movie about the bird flu that will be on ABC in May. That one has MST3K written all over it.
Anna wants Syd to bring her Page 47 from the Rambaldi junk from seasons 1-3. Or possibly 1-4. I can’t remember. And really, who cares. I forgot about Rambaldi. Oh yeah, that’s the page with the picture of who everyone thinks is Sydney on it.
“Uh, guys, who’s Rambaldi?” ~Rachel. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Now we have to hear Sloane talk about Rambaldi. Couldn’t she have just borrowed the Alias DVDs from me to catch up on it?
“Can we debate this later? After the bomb is out of my head?” ~Will. Ah, Will. I always liked you.
Will is going to Portugal on the mission because Marshall needs to get the bomb in Will’s head in range of the detonator to deactivate it I think. Will looks like he crapped his pants when he heard that.
Ha! He’s undercover with a weird accent and a horrid mustache, pretending to be Syd’s husband. Am so very much amused.
Now Will is talking about his almost fiancé back home and Syd thinks he’s going to ask her to tell the fiancé about his death if he doesn’t make it back, but it turns out he wants her to be his best man at the wedding.
Since when does Will know how to do computer stuff? Either Marshall gave him a Cliffs Notes course before the mission or he has spent his two years doing a lot of studying.
Anna wants Syd to go someplace more private with her. They wander off into a baggage car or something. Then Anna tells Syd to wait in the cat while she goes off to get the detonator. Syd beats Anna up but then the detonator starts and Will yells, “Syd, my head is beeping!” as a countdown starts on the computer he’s working on. Jumping flying kicks all around and then Syd finally stops the countdown with 2 seconds left. She then gets a “Bitch, please” look on her face (it wasn’t as constipated as usual! She can sort of make a new face!) as she looks at Anna on the ground. But then Anna grabs Page 47, gets out of the train car and locks Syd in. She kisses the window and starts the water spraying from the ceiling of the car, except this water is red. Are they going to do the same thing they did when Vaughn got trapped behind a door with rising water? Recycling storylines again, eh JJ?
Icky red water is pouring out of the ceiling and Syd is coughing and just fell on the floor. Methinks it’s not red water. Probably some kind of fun chemical that is now going through the drain in the floor and Anna is informing someone on the phone that Syd’s DNA is being collected now. “There’ll be no more delays,” she says as Will pops up behind her and bashes her in the head.
Will gets to Syd and opens the side door of the train car, but Anna (with a really hard head) pops up behind them, sets the detonator with 30 seconds and chucks it out the door. Luckily it’s over a river so Syd and Will jump out after it and in usual Syd-fashion, she saves the day and she and Will hug in the river while Syd is triumphantly holding the detonator.
Sloane meets with Fred who mumbles some junk about the directions and whatnot for a cure for Nadia and hands him a case. Whatever. All I remember about Nadia is that when we last saw her, I think she was auditioning for a role in the Dawn of the Dead remake with her zombieness.
BadGuys are getting Syd’s DNA from that chemical they collected on the train. Anna is in some sort of cage thingie and they’re going to genetically manipulate her. Awww. I have a sinking feeling that we will no longer see Anna but we’ll be stuck with twice as many Sydneys. Great. Anna is submerged in fun red liquid and we hear her kind of screaming. Good fun.
Will and Syd are walking through the park, with Will pushing the baby carriage. Syd has her arm linked with Will’s and they look like a happy married couple. Then Syd starts moaning about junk. She says to Will, “I feel like I’m this plague and everyone I love gets infected.” Smartest and most insightful thing she’s ever said. But then Will gets all mushy and thanks her for working to make the world a better place. Then he puts his arm around her shoulders and they walk off as he says, “There’s only one Sydney Bristow.”
Cut to BadGuys who raise Anna from the pool of red chemicals, but as I predicted, it’s no longer Anna. It’s Syd. Woo. Syd Number 2. My gag reflexes are working overtime.
Where is Sark?
Bugger. Lost is one of those dumb recap episodes. Poopoo on them. *shakes fist at JJ*