pulling an all nighter
im currently finishing my warhol painting for today's class. i havent slept. im not even tired.
i have alot of things on my mind, but really ive made it up. it kind of sucks, but i know its what i have to do because i can't be the heartbreaker anymore. i love this kid with all of my heart, and he's my everything.
i talked to harold tonight, but this was only because some wierd number called my house at like 12 am. no one calls this house after 10 pm. its against house law. i tried to call the number back but the bitch kept hanging up on me. so i called harold to see if it was his fucking girlfriend.. apparently now his ex. we talked for a bit. he was drunk off vodka, and apparently puking. he was so apologetic and sweet. he felt so bad for treating me like dirt and doing the shit he had done. he told me that he has been kicking himself in the face for the shit he pulled and the choices he made.
i say "i just want to let you know, that you made the wrong choice. and now its to late."
he says "i know. trust me i know."
and the way he said it, made my heart sink far into my chest. i told him that i do still think about him, and he kept saying he wanted to talk to me sober. i know whats right though, and jimmy is the only one for me. i love him and he's the only one who has stood by my side and has never done me dirty. ive never had a guy like this. it is understandable that i still think about harold. i really liked this kid. i sincerely liked him. but its to late now, and there is nothing that can be done now. im with jimmy period.
he told me to call him tomorrow at 10, which i agreed too, but i have class so i might have to give him a ring when i get home. i dont have a cellphone so there is really nothing that i can do. i know what im going to say... that is if he picks up his phone.....
he told me that i had him smiling and laughing and he enjoys talking to me, and thats a shame because he was the only guy that i could talk to for hours. seriously. it wasnt just a 15 minute chat, it was hours on the phone with each other. give or take a few interuptions. he says that he's been drinking alot, and it numbs his feelings. maybe he really sincerely feels like he made the wrong decision. at this point i cant tell. he's lied to many times for me to decifer.
i know what im going to say to him, ive been planning it in my head. wether or not it actually stays with me when he picks up or if it'll just dissapear like always..i dont know.
i say,
harold i really like you. i do and because of this i dont think i can talk to you. i dont think i should be even dialing your number. i love jimmy and because i love him i have to cut the contact. out of site out of mind. if we do see each other in public, then we see each other. other than that...i'm sorry. you really hurt me alot, and i know that you know this. but in order for me to stop thinking about you. i just have to stop talking to you.
god it probably wont even happen that way, but those statements must leave my mouth.
end
of
discussion.
i have alot of things on my mind, but really ive made it up. it kind of sucks, but i know its what i have to do because i can't be the heartbreaker anymore. i love this kid with all of my heart, and he's my everything.
i talked to harold tonight, but this was only because some wierd number called my house at like 12 am. no one calls this house after 10 pm. its against house law. i tried to call the number back but the bitch kept hanging up on me. so i called harold to see if it was his fucking girlfriend.. apparently now his ex. we talked for a bit. he was drunk off vodka, and apparently puking. he was so apologetic and sweet. he felt so bad for treating me like dirt and doing the shit he had done. he told me that he has been kicking himself in the face for the shit he pulled and the choices he made.
i say "i just want to let you know, that you made the wrong choice. and now its to late."
he says "i know. trust me i know."
and the way he said it, made my heart sink far into my chest. i told him that i do still think about him, and he kept saying he wanted to talk to me sober. i know whats right though, and jimmy is the only one for me. i love him and he's the only one who has stood by my side and has never done me dirty. ive never had a guy like this. it is understandable that i still think about harold. i really liked this kid. i sincerely liked him. but its to late now, and there is nothing that can be done now. im with jimmy period.
he told me to call him tomorrow at 10, which i agreed too, but i have class so i might have to give him a ring when i get home. i dont have a cellphone so there is really nothing that i can do. i know what im going to say... that is if he picks up his phone.....
he told me that i had him smiling and laughing and he enjoys talking to me, and thats a shame because he was the only guy that i could talk to for hours. seriously. it wasnt just a 15 minute chat, it was hours on the phone with each other. give or take a few interuptions. he says that he's been drinking alot, and it numbs his feelings. maybe he really sincerely feels like he made the wrong decision. at this point i cant tell. he's lied to many times for me to decifer.
i know what im going to say to him, ive been planning it in my head. wether or not it actually stays with me when he picks up or if it'll just dissapear like always..i dont know.
i say,
harold i really like you. i do and because of this i dont think i can talk to you. i dont think i should be even dialing your number. i love jimmy and because i love him i have to cut the contact. out of site out of mind. if we do see each other in public, then we see each other. other than that...i'm sorry. you really hurt me alot, and i know that you know this. but in order for me to stop thinking about you. i just have to stop talking to you.
god it probably wont even happen that way, but those statements must leave my mouth.
end
of
discussion.