Bleary eyed and sore
I feel like my head has been unscrewed. I feel empty and confused and it's annoying to be this emotionally spastic. I finally found someone that keeps me happy but the complications all come out at once.
I get like this all the time. When things get going and good times are had, I find the flaws in the system and start questioning it. Analyzing the situation to a place that it is torn to dead. Slightly sick of my self sabotage.
But I'm not ready to fall again and I'm so close to falling for this one. I'm too open, too exposed. I have given too much in such a short time and I just don't know what I can do about it.
My usual response is to cut loose and end all right now. It's tough to do that when you depend on someone even a little bit. But really, I feel like pulling back will not only save myself, but it will help him concentrate on what matters- his health.
This weekend made me realize that he has a lot of work to do on himself. And I don't want to distract him from that. I have needs myself and I don't want him to have to worry about taking care of me when he should take care of himself.
Ugh. This is why I don't keep boys. Too much upkeep and too much going on to have to worry about.
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