A chip on my subbie shoulder?
A little while back Miss Lis and I were taking a car trip together whilst listening to a Masocast that had been downloaded.
There was an interview with a pro-domme who plays with subbie guys at work, and was a switch in her personal life. She was involved with a dominant guy who knew about what she did for a living. At first it was fine, but before long he started to get hostile, comparing her to a whore and the clients referring to her clients as "johns."
I had a number of thoughts on this matter.
First, it reminded me that a lot of women involved with subbie guys also seem to have dom guys looking over their shoulders. (Some dommes I know have also noted this.) But that's a pretty minor point.
Second, this guy was a prize asshat to treat her in that way.
Third, I found myself taking his insults personally. If he was referring to her clients as johns, he was referring to me, a man who has gone to pro-dommes as a john. I felt as though he was looking down on me and other guys like me.
Now I realise that his beef (though illegitimate) was with her. He probably wasn't really thinking of the guys. Denigrating them was primarily just a way for him to further denigrate her. In this particular case, I am almost certainly being oversensitive.
All the same, it made me think about how male subs are regarded even within the kink community. Are we regarded as lesser men by women and by other men?
Bear in mind that I do not base this question on a long history of being slandered and insulted. I know a number of dom guys who I get along with quite well. Still, I do occasionally see dom guys who seem to have firm ideas on what men (and women) are meant to be like. Pretty much all of my female domme friends can tell stories of guys who say "Oh you just haven't met the right Master yet. I could teach you how to behave properly." I've come across people (men and women) who make the assumption that there is something inherently unmasculine (and perhaps undignified) about a man being submissive.
I may have a bit of a chip on my subbie shoulder, perceiving insults to my dignity as a sub where none necessarily exist and expecting that people are looking down on me. At the same time, I don't think this sensitivity is baseless. I do believe that some people view male subs as an anomaly or as unnatural.
And if I feel the sub label comes with these connotations and these assumptions, why would I not find it unsuitable?