grrrrrr (sorry about the non-updating)
I feel like the most stupid person in the world right now..and I can't even explain it. I am such a slut. I feel weird about everthing. I hate how I always get so stupidly emotional about people. I'll sleep with people and every time I end up sort of liking them...it's never the right way. I either end up falling in love with people who I should learn to use..or I use people I should be falling in love with. I think I'm just sort of tired of being a slut, and getting into the stupidest weirdest situations and relationships...but I guess I've been getting into a lot of strange situations lately....The whole thing last night was so weird..I felt like it was sort of this strange hesitant energy and it was just trippy. and Marcus is leaving. I'm so used to him always being there. we always have had this strange thing.he's always there for me and vice versa. and now he's going to be gone for a whole year. I'm really going to miss him.I really have to hang out with him before he leaves and go camping or something. it's so random like some of the people I sleep with... it's 6 people now. wow. 6 seems like a lot to me. . I really need to find a wonderful beautiful person right now... sappy as it sounds I reaaly want to fall in love and have a normal relationship with some one. I've been screwing around since 8th grade and I want something healthy that I can feel solid in. I keep seeing couples in the streets and I get all pettily jealous. I really need some kind of lovely comfort to tell me that I belong in this world...I'm not an alien being slightly deranged...that I'm not just some stupid prop for our government. I saw fahrenheit 9:11 and I got so depressed about our country and the world. people are so ignorant sometimes.
I'm in this extreme lesbian mode right now.
I've been trying to be good about all the drug stuff. I've been so good for so long just for the goodness of it and now I'm like FUCK IT! I wanna be who I wanna be I wanna do what I wanna do I shouldn't care what anyone thinks or says. It's not like I'm doing anything hardcore. I hate being classified as some stoner whore, so I need to reevaluate and try to figure out who I really am. I need some time with nature and myself and close friends that I trust. I need to do some cheezylicious soul searching.
You are the mystery woman
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
"don't ask me why I'm crying
I'm not going to tell you what's wrong
I'm just gonna sit on your lap
for five dollars a song
I want you to pay me for my beauty
I think it's only right
'cause I have been paying for it
all of my life
I'm gonna take the money I make
I'm gonna take the money I make
I'm gonna take the money I make
and I'm gonna go away.."
I'm in this extreme lesbian mode right now.
I've been trying to be good about all the drug stuff. I've been so good for so long just for the goodness of it and now I'm like FUCK IT! I wanna be who I wanna be I wanna do what I wanna do I shouldn't care what anyone thinks or says. It's not like I'm doing anything hardcore. I hate being classified as some stoner whore, so I need to reevaluate and try to figure out who I really am. I need some time with nature and myself and close friends that I trust. I need to do some cheezylicious soul searching.
You are the mystery woman
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
"don't ask me why I'm crying
I'm not going to tell you what's wrong
I'm just gonna sit on your lap
for five dollars a song
I want you to pay me for my beauty
I think it's only right
'cause I have been paying for it
all of my life
I'm gonna take the money I make
I'm gonna take the money I make
I'm gonna take the money I make
and I'm gonna go away.."