Did I ever Mention that I HATE Change?
Well, I do. Lets see, this past week has been nothing but hell. First, my aunt went into the hospital with a cough and trouble breathing one week ago yesterday. Turns out she had fluid in her lungs, enlarged liver and heart, low white blood cell count, and bones of a sixty year old. Now, I dont know how many people read my journal, but some of you may have already guessed right. After 4 days of tests she was diagnosed. Plasma cell leukemia (PCL). Its rare, which sucks because there isn't much out there on previous treatments, successes and mortality rate. They figure she has had it for about a year, it's already attacking her bones and there is some permanent damage to them and she may always have the cough. Apparently, her lungs have been filling up for a long time and one had actually been collapsing for about six months...she never had any clue. Never had pain, odd brusing, or shortness of breath before a couple days ahead of going to the ER, which makes everything seem even more surreal.
I did make the mistake of looking the thing up on the internet and everything I found there was about the elderly and PCL-- with a high mortality rate. I'm never doing that again. It scared me too much. However, my aunt is only 34 years old (7 more than me!), is otherwise in excellent health, and is very active. She is also going through the Barnes-Jewish Hospital system here in St. Louis which is one of the best in the nation. The doctors are putting her through dual dose of chemo and marrow transplants are slated for March-- pending matches. They seem to be positive and my aunt is, so I have to be as well.
Its just weird, like I'm walking slow motion through a dream, or having constant de ja vu. I've spent more time in a hospital this past week than I have in my entire life and I just have the sinking feeling it's going to get worse. I don't want it to, my aunt is the closest thing I have to a big sister and I don't know how I could ever get through life without her. I guess if I have a hero, she is it. I look up to her so much, and she is soooo sick, even if she doesn't appear or act like she is. I hate this. I hate all of this and wish I could just wake up from this horrid nightmare.
Ok, so all of this was bad and would make anyone's week suck, right? Oh, but it gets better (not really)!
A couple of days after my aunt entered the hospital (and was still in the "doctors don't know whats wrong with you so we will tell you all this horrible stuff" stage) my managers at work pull me into the office to inform me that I cannot be a cashier anymore. I had a choice...I could be terminated or work in the deli. Well, I knew if I chose termination there was no way they would word my information in a way to where I could pull unemployment benefits, so I chose deli. IT smells in there. I smell after work now. Bleh.
And you know what? My week get EVEN BETTER.
Today at work I got a call from my lawyer. The guy suing me for the auto accident in October of 2004? The trial begins MONDAY. TRIAL = MONDAY the 30th.
All of it is too much. I've been ill to my stomach all night. This isn't going to get any better, I just know it.
I did make the mistake of looking the thing up on the internet and everything I found there was about the elderly and PCL-- with a high mortality rate. I'm never doing that again. It scared me too much. However, my aunt is only 34 years old (7 more than me!), is otherwise in excellent health, and is very active. She is also going through the Barnes-Jewish Hospital system here in St. Louis which is one of the best in the nation. The doctors are putting her through dual dose of chemo and marrow transplants are slated for March-- pending matches. They seem to be positive and my aunt is, so I have to be as well.
Its just weird, like I'm walking slow motion through a dream, or having constant de ja vu. I've spent more time in a hospital this past week than I have in my entire life and I just have the sinking feeling it's going to get worse. I don't want it to, my aunt is the closest thing I have to a big sister and I don't know how I could ever get through life without her. I guess if I have a hero, she is it. I look up to her so much, and she is soooo sick, even if she doesn't appear or act like she is. I hate this. I hate all of this and wish I could just wake up from this horrid nightmare.
Ok, so all of this was bad and would make anyone's week suck, right? Oh, but it gets better (not really)!
A couple of days after my aunt entered the hospital (and was still in the "doctors don't know whats wrong with you so we will tell you all this horrible stuff" stage) my managers at work pull me into the office to inform me that I cannot be a cashier anymore. I had a choice...I could be terminated or work in the deli. Well, I knew if I chose termination there was no way they would word my information in a way to where I could pull unemployment benefits, so I chose deli. IT smells in there. I smell after work now. Bleh.
And you know what? My week get EVEN BETTER.
Today at work I got a call from my lawyer. The guy suing me for the auto accident in October of 2004? The trial begins MONDAY. TRIAL = MONDAY the 30th.
All of it is too much. I've been ill to my stomach all night. This isn't going to get any better, I just know it.