(no subject)
that is honestly the most fucked up thing you could ever say to me. no one word has ever hurt me so much, or infuriated me to the point of silence. i felt empty in the moments after. it was equivalent to you taking out my heart and spitting on it, devaluing it, and tossing it aside. this was not the same as heartbreak. i've been through that. forgave, mostly forgotten, and gotten over. this is complete disregard for my feelings, my mind, my heart, and my soul. that one word you said killed a part of me, one that i will never get back. not even you can give it to me. i know you will think this sounds petty, and premature, but i don't care. i know it isn't. there is a big possibility of you losing me over this. i know, at this moment, that i may never forgive you for it. and i know for sure that i will never forget it. it will always be there, whether our friendship is or not.
you have yet to realize that this has nothing to do with you. i understand that it affects you, but only in the smallest of ways. i know you are confused, scared, angry, jealous and set in your ways. but none of that should apply, and you need to realize it. even if you can't accept this change for him, why can't you do it for me? you're my best friend, and for once, when i need unconditional support, you disappear? it's one thing to not agree, it's another to completely dismiss the value of what i'm going through. and it's a completely different story when you call someone i love it.
right now, i hate you. and i know i won't, once this is resolved, or at least put to rest. but feeling hatred is breaking a bond that can never be re-established.
you have yet to realize that this has nothing to do with you. i understand that it affects you, but only in the smallest of ways. i know you are confused, scared, angry, jealous and set in your ways. but none of that should apply, and you need to realize it. even if you can't accept this change for him, why can't you do it for me? you're my best friend, and for once, when i need unconditional support, you disappear? it's one thing to not agree, it's another to completely dismiss the value of what i'm going through. and it's a completely different story when you call someone i love it.
right now, i hate you. and i know i won't, once this is resolved, or at least put to rest. but feeling hatred is breaking a bond that can never be re-established.