(no subject)
i have to say i'm going through an interesting time in my life. i can't figure out whats up and whats down. i'm turning into a housewife one step at a time. i can't tell if i love or hate it. i still don't cook much other than macaroni and cheese so in that aspect not at all. but, i do dishes everyday and "clean up" everyday. i do massive cleaning at least once a week. this week i've been on vacation from work and school. christmas was wild. i fought with everyone.. pretty much. i was trying to compromise with brien about what we were gonna do. and that didn't work for my mom or my family. so i had to revisit with brien fight with him about how my family was being uncooperative. it doesn't help that his family is completly flexible at all times. he's used to getting exactly what he wants, which is great and makes it easier at times like this, but also frustrating. i'm used to trying to compromise and giving everyone what they want. i hate being stuck in the middle. so basically i spent christmas eve in tears and screaming. something i do really really well. hahaha. i worked myself up so much i was sick all day with a headache and bodyache. good thing brien was at work all day, that would've been a fun fight. i've had a really relaxing week, i've tried to stay away from the tv and internet... and kinda do... and enjoy. mostly i've been doing cleaning and reading. brien is gone all day till 10:30 and i'm here alone. its relaxing yet boring. i wish i could organize better. i'm taking these vitamins.. well, i just started today. they're supposed to be weight smart... they are one-a-day. i'm afraid they are unhealthy because they have caffeine in them, but with my anemia i need both the caffeine and the iron. i'm glad to be getting the iron i need because i think my iron has been low because i've been far most exhausted than usual... well, prob because i've spent a week not working. christmas went great. i got gift cards.. 50 to tj max, 50 american eagle, 25 irving.. and $70.. also lots of sweaters and other things that i really liked. the more i look around the more i realize how much i need to organize... anyway. so, i went shopping with jo-anna on thursday. she drove up and we went to bangor. i had such an amazing time. i think that by living up here in solitude i definetly enjoy my time with everyone so much. i enjoyed everyone before, but now its incredible. we went did make-up in the morning, i got free gas w/my irving gift card, went to the mall, i got jeans, khaki's, and a sweater from american eagle. all VERY cute. then i got a reaaally cute purse at pacsun. we went to chinese for lunch, then went to augusta to pick up jo-anna's computer and played pretty pretty princess w/jillian. i won the first time, and when close to it the second time she almost started crying, so i started cheating to let her win and she started cheating for her to win... hha. i know, good role modeling.. but she's so adorable, i couldn't let her cry. she's an only child, she's not used to loosing :). anyway. i spent $10 of my own money all day long and had such an awesome day. i am really needing to go on a diet. i am starting to gain weight and am noticing it in my clothes. the problem is i'm not active AT ALL. plus its winter up maine, so its hard to just go out and run. its cold.. and i don't like running anyway. so... i'm trying to do sit-ups and stuff. i need a routine. i've looked at adult ed classes for fitness, which i am totally doing. i am WAY excited. it'll give me a chance to meet people. i don't care what kind of people i meet, old or not. it'll give me something to do. im exhausted with having no money. brien pays for everything. including most of the rent and all of the bills. he also gives me money when i need it for various things. he makes a lot of money at the jail, so he doesn't mind, but i do. but i only get 28.5 hours at the school, which was great while i was in classes... but now its not so great. i may not be able to take classes next year. i have a limited amount left and if i am an education major i can't take them. if i suck it up and go w/political science i can graduate in 1 year and take all online classes next semester which i do like. or i can not next semester and it'll still take me 1 1/2 for education... i can do political science and graduate in december, and then go for my masters in education and be done at the same time plus have a goal. i have been going forever because i can't settle on a major, and everyone has graduated and i'm tired of school.... really tired. so, i think political science is the best bet. plus it'd be really good to have my masters because i would make more $$ when i can finally be a teacher. anyway. so.. when i decide that i will have a plan, which will be great..i have decided also. that i want to have a big family. i want like 3 or 4 kids. i also thought i would want 2. but, i think i would really like to have a big family. i see my mom w/her family and she has 5 brothers and sisters... some step. and brien has 3 brothers and sisters. its just so great when they all get together, and they have friends that are they're family. i love my sister, and i would love to have more siblings. BUT. i know i'll prob get to the first two and be done. but i absolutely loooove kids. loooove. so perhaps it will happen. it will also depend on financial security. but i have been obsesssed w/jon and kate plus 8... and they have 2 twins and 6 septuplets... and they make it work. but, i think jon makes a lot of money. or so it seems. anyway. i am tired of this dance of life. i want to just... have it all figured out. this is whats best and do it. brien's sister rachel is pregnant again, aidan is 9 months. she is going to have her hands full. i'm so excited. there will be 2 babies to play with. so... i think thats a full update. oh wait. new years eve is going to be kinda lame. brien works till 10:30... we were gonna go to the bar... but it'll just be the two of us, so how fun is it to sit at a bar while one of us has just 1 to drive home and 1 gets trashed. and then we go home.. so we're going to stay at home, drink wine and play board games. actually, its prob going to be really fun. but, i'm 22 and i've never been out on new years eve... but, someday i guess. hah. also- i got a kitten. who is my companion now. she keeps me safe from being lonely. sometimes she drives me crazy. she does this sucking and kneading thing... drives me NUTS. i hate it and it grosses me out. but i'm learning to live w/it,but did i mention is disgusting? lol. but she's absolutely gorgeous, and i lvoe her. so i let it go. so... i'm gonna go organize something..