(no subject)
i spent 3 hours at the beach last night talking. it was amazing. just talking with me staring out the window to avoid akwardness but we talked... all night. then i put my head on his shoulder and my hand on his... it was amazing. 5 minutes later he said he wanted to go home... he said he had a really good night and thats not why he wanted to go home... i told him we had a good night.. and we're broken up.. he said yeah, there's no pressure and thats why he thinks we had a good night... pressure? i didn't want to leave. i wanted to stay. he said he's not comfortable... great. we kissed at the end of the night, tears streaming down my face... i don't know how to run this kind of thing, but thats the whole point, i don't run it.. i just wait, and i hate waiting. i left and started crying harder then i have cried in a long time... big gasps for breath. i called my mom to stay at her house because i knew i wouldn't make it home. i slept in my sisters bed and that was really nice, i blabbed her ear off. i'm really glad i chose to come to my moms.
i miss so much laying together just laughing and talking. both of us complaining about our lives and laughing at each other for being babies. i miss being so tangled together and so comfortable. i miss cuddling up to jo-anna on accident because i think its him. i don't cuddle up to anyone anymore... except jillian... which i have to admit is one of the best cuddles ever. we walked through stores yesterday and i held her and she almost fell asleep on my shoulder she was all smooshed up against my face. it was fantastic. but anyway. i miss being us... so much. i cry when i look at the pictures of him wrapped up in my bed with a smile on his face... i had it on my background for awhile and i had to take it off. was he just pretending? i guess i'll never know.
i miss so much laying together just laughing and talking. both of us complaining about our lives and laughing at each other for being babies. i miss being so tangled together and so comfortable. i miss cuddling up to jo-anna on accident because i think its him. i don't cuddle up to anyone anymore... except jillian... which i have to admit is one of the best cuddles ever. we walked through stores yesterday and i held her and she almost fell asleep on my shoulder she was all smooshed up against my face. it was fantastic. but anyway. i miss being us... so much. i cry when i look at the pictures of him wrapped up in my bed with a smile on his face... i had it on my background for awhile and i had to take it off. was he just pretending? i guess i'll never know.