Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away ...
I miss Aaron.
For the first time in my life, I didn't doubt the love. I could just feel it coming out of him. I try desperately in my mind to find faults in him, reasons why he just wasn't good enough for me and I come up empty handed.
I miss the life we had together, the goals we had, the way everything just seemed to be right.
Is that normal? Do things just click into place? If they do, wtf was I thinking? Was it not right because I essentially walked away through my actions?
Is there hope for the future?
But more importantly: WHY THE FUCK WON'T HE TALK TO ME?!
It's been a month and a half since our last contact. He promised he'd let me know when he had time and we'd go out for coffee. Each day that slips past makes the chance of us getting back together that much slimmer. I'm so tired of hearing, "There are other fish in the sea." "This too shall pass." etc. etc.
And yet, I'm so incredibly afraid that it wasn't right. That if I did get the opportunity to go home (home being with him), would it just not work out again? Would it be the same as before? Would I simply be screwing things up even more than I already have?
Why, why must I still love him? I have another interested in me, one who wants to make me happy, who could love me as much as Aaron did. Why do I resist the new one in favor of the old one who has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me? Why do I cry knowing the new one will not last? Why do I cry knowing the old one has moved on and found someone new, someone better?
But above all else, I miss his cat. I miss sleeping with her at night. I miss her sitting outside the shower, bating at the shower curtain because she wants to play. I miss hearing her cry for attention.
I am so fucked in the head.
For the first time in my life, I didn't doubt the love. I could just feel it coming out of him. I try desperately in my mind to find faults in him, reasons why he just wasn't good enough for me and I come up empty handed.
I miss the life we had together, the goals we had, the way everything just seemed to be right.
Is that normal? Do things just click into place? If they do, wtf was I thinking? Was it not right because I essentially walked away through my actions?
Is there hope for the future?
But more importantly: WHY THE FUCK WON'T HE TALK TO ME?!
It's been a month and a half since our last contact. He promised he'd let me know when he had time and we'd go out for coffee. Each day that slips past makes the chance of us getting back together that much slimmer. I'm so tired of hearing, "There are other fish in the sea." "This too shall pass." etc. etc.
And yet, I'm so incredibly afraid that it wasn't right. That if I did get the opportunity to go home (home being with him), would it just not work out again? Would it be the same as before? Would I simply be screwing things up even more than I already have?
Why, why must I still love him? I have another interested in me, one who wants to make me happy, who could love me as much as Aaron did. Why do I resist the new one in favor of the old one who has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me? Why do I cry knowing the new one will not last? Why do I cry knowing the old one has moved on and found someone new, someone better?
But above all else, I miss his cat. I miss sleeping with her at night. I miss her sitting outside the shower, bating at the shower curtain because she wants to play. I miss hearing her cry for attention.
I am so fucked in the head.