quarter-life-crisis. version 3.0
today was a talk-to-God day. i mean, prayer is a huge part of every day for me, but this day in particular involved some seeking, acute listening, questioning, and begging God for direction.
i opened my spanish book to work on reading this play by Lorca (honestly, kill me now...) and almost lost my lunch. not joking. This is not good that every time i have to read spanish that i feel physically ill.
Which led to the fact that honestly, i have no stinking clue what i want to do for the rest of my life. or the next year. or the next hour. i hate planning. i never plan anything. i mean, i picked SMU on a whim, and decided spanish as a major because i woke up one morning and thought "well, took it in highschool, and have always wanted to be bilingual, nothing else at school sounds interesing, why not...). so it was fun for like 4 semesters. but honestly, i am miserable in this major. i DONT give a bag or beans if i have a career with anything having to do with spanish.
so mommy says "what are you passionate about?". i say "nothing. i want to be a wife and mother someday and possibly have a boutique". i am passionate about Jesus, but really do not feel called to the ministry right now. Fashion and music are interesting, but they are so trivial, that part of me is ashamed for liking both as much as i do. Having her ever -present, God-sent compassion, she offers to have me evaluated by one of those professional job finding places. But what could a computer possibly come up with for me?! (i have this fear like Doug, the Nickelodeon cartoon, where he got evaluated at school and it said "guidance counselor".ugh) and that's another thing. self-evaluation... dont we do that enough already? i see no profit in it. i'm sick of thinking of myself. and that concludes my venting for the evening. no more "me" time. im gonna go finish Colossians. goodnight.
i opened my spanish book to work on reading this play by Lorca (honestly, kill me now...) and almost lost my lunch. not joking. This is not good that every time i have to read spanish that i feel physically ill.
Which led to the fact that honestly, i have no stinking clue what i want to do for the rest of my life. or the next year. or the next hour. i hate planning. i never plan anything. i mean, i picked SMU on a whim, and decided spanish as a major because i woke up one morning and thought "well, took it in highschool, and have always wanted to be bilingual, nothing else at school sounds interesing, why not...). so it was fun for like 4 semesters. but honestly, i am miserable in this major. i DONT give a bag or beans if i have a career with anything having to do with spanish.
so mommy says "what are you passionate about?". i say "nothing. i want to be a wife and mother someday and possibly have a boutique". i am passionate about Jesus, but really do not feel called to the ministry right now. Fashion and music are interesting, but they are so trivial, that part of me is ashamed for liking both as much as i do. Having her ever -present, God-sent compassion, she offers to have me evaluated by one of those professional job finding places. But what could a computer possibly come up with for me?! (i have this fear like Doug, the Nickelodeon cartoon, where he got evaluated at school and it said "guidance counselor".ugh) and that's another thing. self-evaluation... dont we do that enough already? i see no profit in it. i'm sick of thinking of myself. and that concludes my venting for the evening. no more "me" time. im gonna go finish Colossians. goodnight.