(no subject)
I am so over emotional today. I saw my mom and we got into a fight, and obviously I still don't have a relationship with my younger sister. She will always be selfish and I am done trying to apologize all the time and be the bigger person. It's not fair. She needs to get over what happened in the past, and she thinks that I'm an embarassment to the family? She really has no room to talk in that department.
I still have all these trust issues with my relationship with Shaun. If I keep my behavior up, I am going to push him away for good and I really don't want to do that. But at the same time, there are a couple things that has happened over the past almost 9 months that we've been together that I question things. It's like with Joe, I never had to worry about anything. But he never trusted me, and I know how annoying that was and meanwhile I am doing the same thing to Shaun. Even in my past, I had the same behavior with other boyfriends. I have this huge insecurity of them leaving me. I know it's because of me being adopted. This void will never go away. Ugh I don't know what to do about work either. I truly miss working with the autistic, mentally challenged adults. I always felt so good leaving work and would stay late all the time, even do 14 hr days everyday, working over 70 hrs a week. At my job now, its like I can't wait to get out and I don't feel fulfilled like I'm doing something good for someone. I have to do what makes me happy right??
I still have all these trust issues with my relationship with Shaun. If I keep my behavior up, I am going to push him away for good and I really don't want to do that. But at the same time, there are a couple things that has happened over the past almost 9 months that we've been together that I question things. It's like with Joe, I never had to worry about anything. But he never trusted me, and I know how annoying that was and meanwhile I am doing the same thing to Shaun. Even in my past, I had the same behavior with other boyfriends. I have this huge insecurity of them leaving me. I know it's because of me being adopted. This void will never go away. Ugh I don't know what to do about work either. I truly miss working with the autistic, mentally challenged adults. I always felt so good leaving work and would stay late all the time, even do 14 hr days everyday, working over 70 hrs a week. At my job now, its like I can't wait to get out and I don't feel fulfilled like I'm doing something good for someone. I have to do what makes me happy right??