two hands.
uh oh. that familiar feeling of needing a break from everything is back again. the feeling that drove me far away for quite a while, to portland where it felt amazing to be able to start fresh.
too much stress & worrying about important stuff, such as me & danielle moving, sac city, my crazy unfair parents, friends, & everything in between has been driving me crazy to the point of tears. why? because after working so hard & stressing over something i need to do & finally getting it done, im told EVERY fucking time that its not enough, reminded of stuff i need to get done, how different they thought that id turn out. im working as fast as i fucking can to the point that im trying to cram a million different things i need to do into a single day. its insane & not worth it.
thoughts have crossed my mind to just say fuck everything & leave, but theres no way i could do it. by leaving i'd leave my friends, which are the only things that bring a smile outta me & there wouldnt be anything like that whereever id end up. it aint gonna happen.
on top of that, i feel like something is wrong. somethings changed & i hope i stop overthinking things in general.
i dont know what i should do right now.
here is where two hands come in. unfortunately thats if i had any idea what the "on one hand" & "on the other hand" arguements were.
i just want to make things clear, resolve problems, move already, be motivated for sac city, my parents to FOR ONCE be satisfied with the best i can do, & continue with no drama between friends.
i have no idea if this all makes any sense, but i just wrote what i felt. lo siento mi amigos.
i guess im left with hoping things will work out. theres nothing more i can do. how do distract myself, even if its just for tonight?