(no subject)
mental health is this illusive idea. this intagible, unachievable state that dangles in front of my face. through dark, depressed months and extravegant manic days, it may be time to accept my instability. if all i can count on in this world is to never know how i will feel when i wake up in the morning...then i dont know. i convinced myself that i was doing the right thing for myself, but now i dont even know if there is a right course of action for me. what could help me? i just dont know.. i know the quick fixes. i even know the healing process. but i dont know how to stay in that good place that i find. maybe nobody lives there. maybe we all spend our lives chasing that happiness. maybe its naive of me to believe otherwise, but without that false hope what is there? does life exist outside my mind? have i dreamed the world into existence?? and if so, will someone wake me from my nightmare. even at its highest points, i think i'd prefer the nothingness of the abbiss because i just know that i'll be back in this place. sitting alone. listening to dashboard. visualizing the release of the pain that i cannot bring myself to do. writing horrible emo livejournal posts. crying into my caprisun. so much for being an adult at 20. i'll try again at 40. the cycles of my life scare me. they worry me. up and down and up and down.
all around me are familiar faces
worn out places, worn out faces
bright and early for their daily races
going nowhere, going nowhere
and their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression, no expression
hide my head i want to drown my sorrow
no tomorrow, no tomorrow
and i find it kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which i'm dying
are the best i've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'cause find it hard to take
when people run in circles
it's a very, very
Mad World
children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birthday, happy birthday
made to feel the way that every child should
sit and listen, sit and listen
went to school and i was very nervous
no one knew me, no one knew me
hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
look right through me, look right through me
visulalizing the actions i cannot take. running my fingers over that tender skin. if only it took less than a blade. pale, soft, thin. tough resilient, weathered. from the trials. the daily battles. people, tasks. lost in a sea of people. bored within the most interesting mind i've met. fearful in a threatless world.
all around me are familiar faces
worn out places, worn out faces
bright and early for their daily races
going nowhere, going nowhere
and their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression, no expression
hide my head i want to drown my sorrow
no tomorrow, no tomorrow
and i find it kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which i'm dying
are the best i've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'cause find it hard to take
when people run in circles
it's a very, very
Mad World
children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birthday, happy birthday
made to feel the way that every child should
sit and listen, sit and listen
went to school and i was very nervous
no one knew me, no one knew me
hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
look right through me, look right through me
visulalizing the actions i cannot take. running my fingers over that tender skin. if only it took less than a blade. pale, soft, thin. tough resilient, weathered. from the trials. the daily battles. people, tasks. lost in a sea of people. bored within the most interesting mind i've met. fearful in a threatless world.