(no subject)
i love.
i cry.
i laugh.
i feel.
i hide.
i want.
i never need.
i don't pine.
i can't worry.
i don't trip.
i don't lie.
do not tie me down.
do not chain my spirit.
i'm different than she is. and maybe that will allow you to treat me differently than you have her. i could not be her. "where are you? what are you doing? with whom are you?" no one can always know where i am. otherwise i will never have that moment. that feling where it hits me. i could keep driving up the interstate. start a new life. no one would notice for at least a day. and honestly, how many would care? but if you care. and i feel like you have a reason to care, then that ruins it. that ruins it all. my independence is gone. everything i worked so hard for. so hard. just lost and gone forever. i cease to be one person, stumbing through life trying to establish intelligence, create art, and appreciate the world around me. i feel like i become half of a pair. something that is only completed by a compliment that cannot always fulfill that role. and eventually vanish like the setting sun. only to be replaced in the morning. how many times will it be night in my life? no. i would rather be my own sunshine. ill be the warmth that i feel on my skin and in my heart. i will never need you. you will never be the source of my happiness. because that only comes from within. maybe you could help me. maybe you will show me more wonderful things about myself and my life. and therefore add to my well-being without undermining my progress. that would be lovely. i could definately do that. but im so afraid that you'll ask for more of me. and no matter what i feel. i will say no. because i know what is important. i've done that before. and it broke me. i never EVER want to feel that way again. and i never will, at least from an avoidable situation like this. and if that means that i have to lie to myself and repress these feelings, i'd rather do that than lie to myself and think that you are someone that could "complete me" just to have you leave. of course i trust myself more than you. you WILL leave. if not sooner then later. but i will never leave. and i will always love myself, even when you can't anymore. so yes. i think it makes sense to ignore those feelings every once in a while to preserve mental health and general goodness in my life. im sorry that you cant comprehend that.
damn. i hope this works out.
i cry.
i laugh.
i feel.
i hide.
i want.
i never need.
i don't pine.
i can't worry.
i don't trip.
i don't lie.
do not tie me down.
do not chain my spirit.
i'm different than she is. and maybe that will allow you to treat me differently than you have her. i could not be her. "where are you? what are you doing? with whom are you?" no one can always know where i am. otherwise i will never have that moment. that feling where it hits me. i could keep driving up the interstate. start a new life. no one would notice for at least a day. and honestly, how many would care? but if you care. and i feel like you have a reason to care, then that ruins it. that ruins it all. my independence is gone. everything i worked so hard for. so hard. just lost and gone forever. i cease to be one person, stumbing through life trying to establish intelligence, create art, and appreciate the world around me. i feel like i become half of a pair. something that is only completed by a compliment that cannot always fulfill that role. and eventually vanish like the setting sun. only to be replaced in the morning. how many times will it be night in my life? no. i would rather be my own sunshine. ill be the warmth that i feel on my skin and in my heart. i will never need you. you will never be the source of my happiness. because that only comes from within. maybe you could help me. maybe you will show me more wonderful things about myself and my life. and therefore add to my well-being without undermining my progress. that would be lovely. i could definately do that. but im so afraid that you'll ask for more of me. and no matter what i feel. i will say no. because i know what is important. i've done that before. and it broke me. i never EVER want to feel that way again. and i never will, at least from an avoidable situation like this. and if that means that i have to lie to myself and repress these feelings, i'd rather do that than lie to myself and think that you are someone that could "complete me" just to have you leave. of course i trust myself more than you. you WILL leave. if not sooner then later. but i will never leave. and i will always love myself, even when you can't anymore. so yes. i think it makes sense to ignore those feelings every once in a while to preserve mental health and general goodness in my life. im sorry that you cant comprehend that.
damn. i hope this works out.