(no subject)
Those door to door religious nuts have sunk to a new low. I'm busy in my kitchen dismembering dinner when the doorbell rings. Now who in the hell could that be? I didn't beat the shit out of anyone on the way home from work, Toothless doesn't know how to use the doorbell, so I was confused.
I went to answer the door and I see a little girl, maybe 10 years old. I started getting giddy, because I love Girl Scout cookies. Then I saw a 60-something year old hag standing behind her, and the little girl was not holding boxes of girlscout cookies. She was holding pamphlets.
The little girl says, "Hello, have you heard the word of God lately?"
WHO?!
"God. Have you heard the word of God?"
Hey kid, lemme ask you some questions. Who told you there was a God?
"My mom and dad, and my grandma, and my priest."
Really now? Did they also tell you there's a hell?
"Yes."
Did they tell you that's where you are going to go when you die?
"They said if I don't believe in God, then yes, I will go to hell."
Kid, did they also tell you there's a Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy?
"Yes."
Do you still believe in any of them?
"No."
See? They LIED to you! Now they are lying to you about God too. God doesn't like you, God hates you. If God loved you, you would have gotten everything you wanted for Christmas. If God loved you, you would have gotten everything you wanted for your birthday. If God loved you, your daddy wouldn't come into your room at night and touch you in your "special places" then ask you to not tell mommy.
The little girl began crying, and the old bag of bones started to get nasty with me, telling me I was a sinner and I was going to hell. I asked her if she was ready to "meet God" and pulled my rusty claw hammer from my tool belt. I stepped out onto the porch and told her to start praying to God, because if she didn't, I was going to send my hammer through her skull for trespassing, then fuck her lifeless corpse.
The old bag started crying "Oh God! Oh God!"
That's right you old road whore! Didn't you read the sign next to the door? It says "All religious persons attempting to solicit to me the word of GOD will be killed on site." So what's it gonna be grandma? Are you going to leave or are you going to DIE?!
They backed off my porch slowly. The old hag told me that I was going to go to hell. Bitch, I'm already in hell. I like it here.
I hate those people.
I went to answer the door and I see a little girl, maybe 10 years old. I started getting giddy, because I love Girl Scout cookies. Then I saw a 60-something year old hag standing behind her, and the little girl was not holding boxes of girlscout cookies. She was holding pamphlets.
The little girl says, "Hello, have you heard the word of God lately?"
WHO?!
"God. Have you heard the word of God?"
Hey kid, lemme ask you some questions. Who told you there was a God?
"My mom and dad, and my grandma, and my priest."
Really now? Did they also tell you there's a hell?
"Yes."
Did they tell you that's where you are going to go when you die?
"They said if I don't believe in God, then yes, I will go to hell."
Kid, did they also tell you there's a Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy?
"Yes."
Do you still believe in any of them?
"No."
See? They LIED to you! Now they are lying to you about God too. God doesn't like you, God hates you. If God loved you, you would have gotten everything you wanted for Christmas. If God loved you, you would have gotten everything you wanted for your birthday. If God loved you, your daddy wouldn't come into your room at night and touch you in your "special places" then ask you to not tell mommy.
The little girl began crying, and the old bag of bones started to get nasty with me, telling me I was a sinner and I was going to hell. I asked her if she was ready to "meet God" and pulled my rusty claw hammer from my tool belt. I stepped out onto the porch and told her to start praying to God, because if she didn't, I was going to send my hammer through her skull for trespassing, then fuck her lifeless corpse.
The old bag started crying "Oh God! Oh God!"
That's right you old road whore! Didn't you read the sign next to the door? It says "All religious persons attempting to solicit to me the word of GOD will be killed on site." So what's it gonna be grandma? Are you going to leave or are you going to DIE?!
They backed off my porch slowly. The old hag told me that I was going to go to hell. Bitch, I'm already in hell. I like it here.
I hate those people.