(no subject)
Wow. I did something kinda hard for me this morning, but it was a good release. I finally went to my mom's grave for the first time since the unveiling about 3 years ago. It was something i always avoided when my dad asked me to go, but something i really finally needed to do because i don't really know why but i did so here we are. Pat went with me and before we went to the cemetery he bought beautiful flowers and candy that my mom loved. Then we went to the deli for breakfy but i didn't get anything because i was tryin 2 eat well and that lasted long until oh wait I ate the left over Wendy's burger ::shudder::. We played in the parking lot of the deli for a bit and he tried to cheer me up and make me happy because he knew that what we were about to do was going to be really really hard for me. We finally got there and it was rainy and freezing, but Pat was right there with me the whole time and i walked over to her grave and just started to cry. It was so hard but it felt so good because it's actually kinda hard for me to have a good cry about her. I knelt down and put down the flowers and Pat stayed standing above me, while i cried then he knelt down next to me and tried to comfort me while i took the candy out of the bags and made a heart out of it on her grave. When i was done i just sobbed for a while and Pat respected that and held me and made sure i was alright. I started talking to her a little bit and cryed a lot. Finally i looked up to the sky and cried, looked back down at her grave, kissed it, said "ok, goodbye",got up, Pat touched the grave, and we got up and went back to the car. As we were walking away i must have looked back at the grave 3 times. But i feel better now. I miss her so much, but i finally got a chance to say goodbye. I never really got to when she died. We went back to Pat's house for a while and hung out and talked about the present, the future, and stuff like that. He offered to come with me tomorrow to my grandma's unveiling. I'll have to think about it. It's really sweet of him though. Pat I can never ever thank you enough for everything you have done for me. Not just today with my mom, but forever. For how it's always been. For how YOU have always been. Ever since last spring when you first met me and didn't know me well, you were there for me, and helped me work through life problems and guy problems. Nothing i could ever do for you would ever be repayment enough, and nothing i can do to you can break you. You are just a good person. You are just Pat Allen. And I love you for it. The greatest desire in my heart is to just stay as close as i am to you now, forever, or grow even closer. Your friendship is more than i could ever ask for. I understand if we drift apart. If you need it, then fine. You deserve to have anything and everything you want and need. So take it. Make life yours.