out-dated contemplation
sometimes, reading old things, i wonder if i somehow messed up fate by being crabby, immature, and let's face it, downright ruthless and terrible. but then i remember how things have changed. this really is the best line you wrote while i knew you:
'all my worth was your wealth first'
what's great about it? its elegance. the way one's tongue wraps around the 'w's. its lack of pretension. and it actually made me cry when i first read it, and many times afterward, because that's what i really wanted to be--a person with wealth who was giving worth. key word: give. i wanted to give away parts of myself to anyone and everyone. meanwhile, of course, i didn't want anyone to have any clue as to what i was actually about, so i spent my time obfuscating everything, especially the past and the state of my emotions.
now that i'm a little older i realize that it's a heck of a lot better to have a little give and take with things, or more specifically, to be completely honest about something embarrassing/bad and have that person still forgive and accept you, and vice versa. in other words, share wealth and worth and be a real person. but i guess that isn't as poetic.
of course i didn't mess up fate (that's not even possible), and you don't cross my mind much anymore since my head's so full of now and all those misty future days. i guess the point is, i hope you don't picture me with a broomstick and a wart every time you think of me, and your writing was better than i ever gave you credit for.
'all my worth was your wealth first'
what's great about it? its elegance. the way one's tongue wraps around the 'w's. its lack of pretension. and it actually made me cry when i first read it, and many times afterward, because that's what i really wanted to be--a person with wealth who was giving worth. key word: give. i wanted to give away parts of myself to anyone and everyone. meanwhile, of course, i didn't want anyone to have any clue as to what i was actually about, so i spent my time obfuscating everything, especially the past and the state of my emotions.
now that i'm a little older i realize that it's a heck of a lot better to have a little give and take with things, or more specifically, to be completely honest about something embarrassing/bad and have that person still forgive and accept you, and vice versa. in other words, share wealth and worth and be a real person. but i guess that isn't as poetic.
of course i didn't mess up fate (that's not even possible), and you don't cross my mind much anymore since my head's so full of now and all those misty future days. i guess the point is, i hope you don't picture me with a broomstick and a wart every time you think of me, and your writing was better than i ever gave you credit for.