(no subject)
in my dreams, i am overtaken by earthly pleasures. wanting, needing, touching, feeling. after, i am in my mother's house. i am on my hands and knees. i am searching for something. i hold my hands up but i cannot see them. i wave and twist and shout and i cry, but i cannot see my hands. i cannot see myself, no matter how hard i try.
there are pieces of myself i have neglected. i have been overcome by these earthly pleasures, by what's easy and what's comfortable. i am stuck in old places.
today, i lie in bed and watch the clouds move out my window. i listen to the geese honk and the swaying of tree branches. birds land on the roof, stink bugs on the screen. the earth is so beautiful. the sky is so big. these things remind me of the person i am and the person i want to be. these things remind me what i want my life to be.
(i stood at an open window and wondered who i am. i said to the man, "i am what i've become." he pointed down, said "look." there was black and rocks, an abyss of self and loss. he said, "find yourself there." and down i went, like a soldier, like a lover. down i went and though i could not see, i had no fear. overhead, the clouds were passing, the marvelous clouds, forever passing, in a field of infinite blue, a field of infinite light....)
there are pieces of myself i have neglected. i have been overcome by these earthly pleasures, by what's easy and what's comfortable. i am stuck in old places.
today, i lie in bed and watch the clouds move out my window. i listen to the geese honk and the swaying of tree branches. birds land on the roof, stink bugs on the screen. the earth is so beautiful. the sky is so big. these things remind me of the person i am and the person i want to be. these things remind me what i want my life to be.
(i stood at an open window and wondered who i am. i said to the man, "i am what i've become." he pointed down, said "look." there was black and rocks, an abyss of self and loss. he said, "find yourself there." and down i went, like a soldier, like a lover. down i went and though i could not see, i had no fear. overhead, the clouds were passing, the marvelous clouds, forever passing, in a field of infinite blue, a field of infinite light....)