(no subject)
November 26, 2006
My Dearest Phil,
I must thank you for your letter that you have so kindly written me. Though i am very worried about the speculations made upon my character. I must also apologize for my vocabulary right now, due to the fact I dropped out of middle school to become a Phish Head. I know what you're thinking though Phish weren't around when i was in middle school but Phish have been around since before Heyzeus my friend. Now you have said some pretty terrible things about me, but as a scientologist i will find it in my heart to forgive these wrong doings. No, i do not use slave labor in fact, my labor has turned to robots called ELF-69. Maintained by highly trained albino midgets or as people have started to call them elves. Which by the way they don't appreciate at all, just because Michael Richards says the "n word" doesn't mean everyone else can, if ykwis.
As for my interpretation of the meaning of "naughty," I will clarify for your sake and the sake of people who enjoy my kind gifts. Also i must add have been paid for by millions of royalities, from companies like Coca Cola to Kosher Hotdogs. But i have created a large list of naughty things and i shall disclose some of these to you but only briefly. "One must not put american cheese singles into another's windshield wipers on a rainy night. Thus causing smeared cheese across recipient's windshield and one terrible headache." All though there is the oscar mayer claus(e), which states this is perfectly acceptable if this is payback for one filling your car's gas tank with hotdogs (aka the anal discharge of the meat industry.) But i digress, for the list is far too long to write out for you. Just don't do anything that David Hasselhoff wouldn't do, and you should be alright.
We have been developing the cure for such listed diseases but have only been able to make such things fly through the skin. Causing very disturbing after photos. I should leave this brief to keep things aesthetically pleasing.
I feel obliged to let you know microsoft funds much of my deeds, so the xbox has far more power than god himself. Good day sir!
(Don't send me anymore letters, I will attach a signed photo of myself for the kids.)
Love always,
Saint Nicholas
© Microsoft Technologies Inc.
My Dearest Phil,
I must thank you for your letter that you have so kindly written me. Though i am very worried about the speculations made upon my character. I must also apologize for my vocabulary right now, due to the fact I dropped out of middle school to become a Phish Head. I know what you're thinking though Phish weren't around when i was in middle school but Phish have been around since before Heyzeus my friend. Now you have said some pretty terrible things about me, but as a scientologist i will find it in my heart to forgive these wrong doings. No, i do not use slave labor in fact, my labor has turned to robots called ELF-69. Maintained by highly trained albino midgets or as people have started to call them elves. Which by the way they don't appreciate at all, just because Michael Richards says the "n word" doesn't mean everyone else can, if ykwis.
As for my interpretation of the meaning of "naughty," I will clarify for your sake and the sake of people who enjoy my kind gifts. Also i must add have been paid for by millions of royalities, from companies like Coca Cola to Kosher Hotdogs. But i have created a large list of naughty things and i shall disclose some of these to you but only briefly. "One must not put american cheese singles into another's windshield wipers on a rainy night. Thus causing smeared cheese across recipient's windshield and one terrible headache." All though there is the oscar mayer claus(e), which states this is perfectly acceptable if this is payback for one filling your car's gas tank with hotdogs (aka the anal discharge of the meat industry.) But i digress, for the list is far too long to write out for you. Just don't do anything that David Hasselhoff wouldn't do, and you should be alright.
We have been developing the cure for such listed diseases but have only been able to make such things fly through the skin. Causing very disturbing after photos. I should leave this brief to keep things aesthetically pleasing.
I feel obliged to let you know microsoft funds much of my deeds, so the xbox has far more power than god himself. Good day sir!
(Don't send me anymore letters, I will attach a signed photo of myself for the kids.)
Love always,
Saint Nicholas
© Microsoft Technologies Inc.