sweet jesus . . . baby butterbean . . .
oh heavens . . . late for work . . . saturday mornings are the worst sans car day ever . . . intense punishment . . . i hear a small crowd forming outside with only trainees at the bar . . . but sometimes i feel like the only way to properly prepare someone for work is not to coddle them but to throw them to the wolves . . . but today it wouldnt be the wolves - itd be like the hamsters . . . but i just went out there and quickly remedied it anyway . . . sucker . . .
stayed up so late last night . . . didnt really go out but i didnt sleep at home so i guess that counts as going out . . . sometimes i like to sleep at other peoples houses . . . it makes for break in the monotony . . . but i shouldnt have stayed up so late . . . i had a weird dream too but i cant quite recollect it . . . sort of like bits and pieces . . . very weird . . . very surreal . . . very much seems like recalling it is more of a memory than a dream . . . de ja vu in the making, baby . . .
this plagues my thoughts . . . over and over and over and over and over . . . its like - i think about other things and i go on about my ways and act as if im in no way thinking about this . . . but i am . . . its like this little black rain cloud looming over me . . . in constant threat of a tear downpour . . . i hate myself for this . . . to be gotten by someone that isnt fabulous enough to be gotten by . . . or maybe its that it is . . . too fabulous . . . i lie to myself sometimes . . .
random . . . so tired . . . too many cigarettes today but if i stop then ill fall asleep . . . i miss holding hands . . . i miss meaning . . . my wrist burns today . . . im sure i slept on it weird . . . ill have a club when im older just like my mother . . . hot inheritance . . . some people get money some people get estates some people get potato chip collections - i get club arm . . . super . . . one of my jam cds broke last night . . . i have to clean beckys car today . . . need toshower - probably wont . . . off tomorrow . . . i think i want to see af tonight but i dont really know if thatll happen . . . weird . . . i just want to lie in bed and think about the eighty thousand wrong choices ive made in my life . . . sulk . . . cry a little . . . smoke . . . i hear i have intimacy issues . . . i hear i have more issues than that . . . i think i read that somewhere - when i was lurking . . . gross . . . ive had to pee for forever . . . i think i will in a moment . . . i spilled ubersweet beverage in my shoe today . . . back on with the flissfloss . . . im so totally awesomely bad out of uniform today . . . sweet ink and toes a blazin - no collar . . . bandage on foot . . . im pretty effing sick . . . the anxiety has given me a constant stomach ache since last week . . . i just want to relax . . . or maybe be out of my mind for a second . . . long walk or bicycle ride . . . maybe ill find a new friend to go down to waterfront with me tonight . . . but wait - i dont want new friends because they frek me the fuck out . . . im grumpy . . . im 90 years old at heart and soul . . . people bother me . . . and apparently i make it alllllllllllllllllll up . . . what now? . . . i heard my new favorite melodic story on the radio yesterday . . . it has a part one and a part two . . . it fucking serious . . . loved it . . . im going to pee - for free and only for me . . . yessssssssssssssssss . . .
fact is . . . e'erybody wanna hold grudges - i just wanna hold hands . . . damn . . .
over and beretta out . . .
stayed up so late last night . . . didnt really go out but i didnt sleep at home so i guess that counts as going out . . . sometimes i like to sleep at other peoples houses . . . it makes for break in the monotony . . . but i shouldnt have stayed up so late . . . i had a weird dream too but i cant quite recollect it . . . sort of like bits and pieces . . . very weird . . . very surreal . . . very much seems like recalling it is more of a memory than a dream . . . de ja vu in the making, baby . . .
this plagues my thoughts . . . over and over and over and over and over . . . its like - i think about other things and i go on about my ways and act as if im in no way thinking about this . . . but i am . . . its like this little black rain cloud looming over me . . . in constant threat of a tear downpour . . . i hate myself for this . . . to be gotten by someone that isnt fabulous enough to be gotten by . . . or maybe its that it is . . . too fabulous . . . i lie to myself sometimes . . .
random . . . so tired . . . too many cigarettes today but if i stop then ill fall asleep . . . i miss holding hands . . . i miss meaning . . . my wrist burns today . . . im sure i slept on it weird . . . ill have a club when im older just like my mother . . . hot inheritance . . . some people get money some people get estates some people get potato chip collections - i get club arm . . . super . . . one of my jam cds broke last night . . . i have to clean beckys car today . . . need toshower - probably wont . . . off tomorrow . . . i think i want to see af tonight but i dont really know if thatll happen . . . weird . . . i just want to lie in bed and think about the eighty thousand wrong choices ive made in my life . . . sulk . . . cry a little . . . smoke . . . i hear i have intimacy issues . . . i hear i have more issues than that . . . i think i read that somewhere - when i was lurking . . . gross . . . ive had to pee for forever . . . i think i will in a moment . . . i spilled ubersweet beverage in my shoe today . . . back on with the flissfloss . . . im so totally awesomely bad out of uniform today . . . sweet ink and toes a blazin - no collar . . . bandage on foot . . . im pretty effing sick . . . the anxiety has given me a constant stomach ache since last week . . . i just want to relax . . . or maybe be out of my mind for a second . . . long walk or bicycle ride . . . maybe ill find a new friend to go down to waterfront with me tonight . . . but wait - i dont want new friends because they frek me the fuck out . . . im grumpy . . . im 90 years old at heart and soul . . . people bother me . . . and apparently i make it alllllllllllllllllll up . . . what now? . . . i heard my new favorite melodic story on the radio yesterday . . . it has a part one and a part two . . . it fucking serious . . . loved it . . . im going to pee - for free and only for me . . . yessssssssssssssssss . . .
fact is . . . e'erybody wanna hold grudges - i just wanna hold hands . . . damn . . .
over and beretta out . . .