I'm WEAK.
"You might think I dont look. But deep inside the corner of my mind, I'm attached to you. Mmm. I'm weak, it's true. 'Cause I'm afraid to know the answer. Do you want me too? 'Cause my heart keeps falling faster. I've waited all my life, to cross this line."
You see. My computer's viruses are really dumb. And I couldn't use it for a couple days. But now I think they might be gone, and I can return. :)
About this song. The lyrics are hitting home right now. I'm afraid I have a little confession to make. After all the times I've repeated over and over again how I don't like Joey. I...well, I kind of lied. I hate seeing him with Leslie. It reminds me of that night at Carolynn's this summer. After her birthday party thing at Grandma Ellen's. We all went back to Carolynn's, and watched those really dumb (yet hilarious) videos of Carolynn and I at my dad's. I...I'd never seen him look at me like that before. It was a...more than friends look. An..."I'm interested in you." sort of look. Gosh, I never thought much of it until now. I just know I was totally soaking it up. He laughed so hard at the thins I did and said. I didn;t think they were funny at all. He always laughs at me. And, I'll never forget him telling me "Wow, Amanda....You...look really good.." When I saw him the first time over the summer. And..I must admit, he looked great himself. I'd tried to tell myself he's "just Joe PIne. I know all his gross habits and stuff. Ew." But...the more I see him lately, the less I think that. I hate this. The more I think about him, the more I want to know so bad what it would be like to be with him. There's only one road block. Leslie. I waited too late. I never told Joe how I felt, because I didn;t realize it full blast until he started dating Leslie. I'll never be as confident as her, I'll never have as beautiful a voice, I'll never be her. But he laughs at all my pathetic jokes, he loves my faces, he loves my rare hugs, and he knows I love him to death. (in a friend way. but he doesn;t know anything more than that.) And, I've been to every single one of his shows I possibly could. Even thought I had a fever and couldn;t hardly move, I went to see Oklahoma. He did great, and he looked great. And nothing beat the look on his face when he saw that I'd come. It was..like..pure joy. Like always. He always makes that face when he sees that I've come to a show. He knows that through thick and thin, I'm here for him. I love the kid. I really think I do. But, how do I tell him? When he's got Leslie? I don't want to upset her. Not that I think he'd choose me over her. I'm not like her at all. She's all actress/singer girl. I'm only breaking my stagefright because he asked me to. I've always wanted to, but if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have been able to do it. I do it not only because it makes me happy, but because it makes him happy. I love seeing him happy over something I did. It makes me feel needed. You know? Man. I sound...so..crazy.
"I'm just scared to know the ending."
This is crazy. I'm insane. This is probably just jealousy. But I feel like it;s not. It's something deeper than friend jealousy. He seems so happy with her though. I can't ruin that. But I'm going to explode if I keep this all bottled up! Help!!! someone!!
You see. My computer's viruses are really dumb. And I couldn't use it for a couple days. But now I think they might be gone, and I can return. :)
About this song. The lyrics are hitting home right now. I'm afraid I have a little confession to make. After all the times I've repeated over and over again how I don't like Joey. I...well, I kind of lied. I hate seeing him with Leslie. It reminds me of that night at Carolynn's this summer. After her birthday party thing at Grandma Ellen's. We all went back to Carolynn's, and watched those really dumb (yet hilarious) videos of Carolynn and I at my dad's. I...I'd never seen him look at me like that before. It was a...more than friends look. An..."I'm interested in you." sort of look. Gosh, I never thought much of it until now. I just know I was totally soaking it up. He laughed so hard at the thins I did and said. I didn;t think they were funny at all. He always laughs at me. And, I'll never forget him telling me "Wow, Amanda....You...look really good.." When I saw him the first time over the summer. And..I must admit, he looked great himself. I'd tried to tell myself he's "just Joe PIne. I know all his gross habits and stuff. Ew." But...the more I see him lately, the less I think that. I hate this. The more I think about him, the more I want to know so bad what it would be like to be with him. There's only one road block. Leslie. I waited too late. I never told Joe how I felt, because I didn;t realize it full blast until he started dating Leslie. I'll never be as confident as her, I'll never have as beautiful a voice, I'll never be her. But he laughs at all my pathetic jokes, he loves my faces, he loves my rare hugs, and he knows I love him to death. (in a friend way. but he doesn;t know anything more than that.) And, I've been to every single one of his shows I possibly could. Even thought I had a fever and couldn;t hardly move, I went to see Oklahoma. He did great, and he looked great. And nothing beat the look on his face when he saw that I'd come. It was..like..pure joy. Like always. He always makes that face when he sees that I've come to a show. He knows that through thick and thin, I'm here for him. I love the kid. I really think I do. But, how do I tell him? When he's got Leslie? I don't want to upset her. Not that I think he'd choose me over her. I'm not like her at all. She's all actress/singer girl. I'm only breaking my stagefright because he asked me to. I've always wanted to, but if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have been able to do it. I do it not only because it makes me happy, but because it makes him happy. I love seeing him happy over something I did. It makes me feel needed. You know? Man. I sound...so..crazy.
"I'm just scared to know the ending."
This is crazy. I'm insane. This is probably just jealousy. But I feel like it;s not. It's something deeper than friend jealousy. He seems so happy with her though. I can't ruin that. But I'm going to explode if I keep this all bottled up! Help!!! someone!!