havent written in a while
im tired off cleaning up everyone elses mess. im tired of being the one people call. i dont want to listen to your problems. i dont want to be the one who picks you up when you fall. maybe i am a selfish person. and maybe i am selfabsorbed. but i can tell you what you want to hear. and even then you wont stick around. i wish that i could tell you those words everyone is searching for. the words that will make you change. i wish i could be the savior they all want me to be. the savior they make me out to be. but even if i could find those words im sure you wouldnt be listening. youd ask me to say them again. and if im lucky enough to find them once i doubt ill know twice in a row what to say. i guess you need to learn that you need to take care of yourself. that no one else will help you. that no one else really cares. if theres one thing i learned from her its how to be alone. i learned how to take care of myself. to rely on only myself. how to appear happy enough to pass for normal. how to accent the things you want me to be. and hide the parts you dont want to see. i learned how to swallow my pride. and hide my tears. i learned how to toughen up. how to expect you not to be there. i learned that promises mean nothing. and how to say i love you and not mean a thing. i learned how to fool everyone. even myself. and even though i may not recognize who i see in the mirror id rather be me than you. she taught me how to not feel. you want everything to come easy to you. and you want all youve done to be someone elses fault. the world isnt against you. you brought this on yourself. what i really want to tell you is to stop fucking whinning. to stop crying. and stop fucking lying. i was there too remember. and i got through it fine. id tell you the words that no one else will say. ill tell to grow up. ill tell you to go away. maybe you are too young to understand. but its not over yet.
now and again it seems worse then it is. but mostly the view is quite accurate. you want me to fill the empty hours of your day. but that wont make things right. im sorry that your empty. and im sorry that you feel alone. but sometimes what you do for us isnt what we need. and sometimes you cant hear what your saying. and you cant see what your doing to us. to me. i wish i could tell you what im feeling. and i wish that you would change. but thats like wishing for a miracle. and i dont have nearly enough faith for such childish play. you used to be young and beautiful. you used to be great. but things have since changed. and your still too bitter to repair the damage that youve done. i look at you and cringe. how horrible is that for me to say. everyday i grow up a little more like you. every day i find a part of you in me. a part ive hidden away. its starting to come out. and im scared that it wont go away. im scared that ill turn out just like you. i would never admit it to anyone. but thats my greatest fear. i wish more than anything things didnt happen like they did. but its because of you that were the damaged ones. so when you ask if theres something wrong. your damn right there is. but we cant talk about it now.
now and again it seems worse then it is. but mostly the view is quite accurate. you want me to fill the empty hours of your day. but that wont make things right. im sorry that your empty. and im sorry that you feel alone. but sometimes what you do for us isnt what we need. and sometimes you cant hear what your saying. and you cant see what your doing to us. to me. i wish i could tell you what im feeling. and i wish that you would change. but thats like wishing for a miracle. and i dont have nearly enough faith for such childish play. you used to be young and beautiful. you used to be great. but things have since changed. and your still too bitter to repair the damage that youve done. i look at you and cringe. how horrible is that for me to say. everyday i grow up a little more like you. every day i find a part of you in me. a part ive hidden away. its starting to come out. and im scared that it wont go away. im scared that ill turn out just like you. i would never admit it to anyone. but thats my greatest fear. i wish more than anything things didnt happen like they did. but its because of you that were the damaged ones. so when you ask if theres something wrong. your damn right there is. but we cant talk about it now.