....
so i think i have finally reached a new low when it comes my self-pitying. as i'm driving home from babysitting and listening to my newly burned favorites from the decades cd, whitney houston's "i wanna dance with somebody" and for the first time, i really listened to the words.
"Clocks strikes upon the hour
And the sun begins to fade
Still enough time to figure out
How to chase my blues away
Ive done alright up til now
Its the light of day that shows me how
And when the night falls loneliness calls"
and i started crying. literally crying. and then i realized how pathetic it was that i was crying over this god damn song, and it made me start crying even more. but the weird thing is, that that song holds completley true for me. during the day when i'm busy and with my friends, i don't think about the fact that i don't have anyone to do anything with let alone dance with.
but then everyone goes off to do their own thing and i'm left feeling lonley and helpless, which is sad, because that is the type of person i always vowed i'd never be- one who relies upon a guy to make me happy, yet that's what i'm doing right now isn't it? i truly believe that if i find that guy or just any guy to (let's stick to the theme here) dance with and feel the heat with, i'll finally find that happiness that i've never had, and i hate that.
i realize that the only way that will ever happen is if i put myself out there, make myself available, but i wouldn't even know how to do that. and if i did, the thought of being rejected scares the shit out of me. i dealt with that enough in high school, i don't know if i can take that anymore. but then again, that was almost 3 years ago now, i'm supposedly a matured woman, with a much stronger head on my shoulders, right?
this is what scares me about the real world, this is what troubles me everyday. but it shouldn't right?
cheese and rice, i've got to get rid of that damn song.
"Clocks strikes upon the hour
And the sun begins to fade
Still enough time to figure out
How to chase my blues away
Ive done alright up til now
Its the light of day that shows me how
And when the night falls loneliness calls"
and i started crying. literally crying. and then i realized how pathetic it was that i was crying over this god damn song, and it made me start crying even more. but the weird thing is, that that song holds completley true for me. during the day when i'm busy and with my friends, i don't think about the fact that i don't have anyone to do anything with let alone dance with.
but then everyone goes off to do their own thing and i'm left feeling lonley and helpless, which is sad, because that is the type of person i always vowed i'd never be- one who relies upon a guy to make me happy, yet that's what i'm doing right now isn't it? i truly believe that if i find that guy or just any guy to (let's stick to the theme here) dance with and feel the heat with, i'll finally find that happiness that i've never had, and i hate that.
i realize that the only way that will ever happen is if i put myself out there, make myself available, but i wouldn't even know how to do that. and if i did, the thought of being rejected scares the shit out of me. i dealt with that enough in high school, i don't know if i can take that anymore. but then again, that was almost 3 years ago now, i'm supposedly a matured woman, with a much stronger head on my shoulders, right?
this is what scares me about the real world, this is what troubles me everyday. but it shouldn't right?
cheese and rice, i've got to get rid of that damn song.