Rambling
OMG CARTER IS COMING BACK!!!
*jumps up and down*
So. Fucking. Awesome.
Tonight's episode was cool, though. Abby's always good. And the thing in the guy's class was exactly what we're learning in bio right now, actually, so that was cool. It kind of helped me to understand my notes. See, TV is good! But OMG CARTER! *squee*
In other news, my mom is letting me drop down a level in bio. I HEART HER SO MUCH.
This week kicks ASS.
Anyway, I have so much to do tonight. I have to study for this bio quiz tomorrow, and I have to memorize 3 minutes' worth of randomness about a play or movie or something. I mean, I get to choose it; I just think it sucks that I have one night to write something up and memorize it, especially when I have to study this much. But I'll get over it, I guess. Maybe there won't be time for me to go tomorrow? I mean, it's a short block, and we still have 10 minutes of the movie left.
So...um...I haven't updated my muse. Shit. I'll have to make up for lost time tomorrow and post 3 or something so they won't not let me apply for another one. I'm thinking Martha Logan. The thing with her is that I'm not so scared that I can't fit her voice or be mature enough or something. I'm not really sure why; maybe it's just because I identify with her on a stronger level than I do with Eleanor Carter, who is more emotionally blank in this permanent state or something. In s5, Martha is just at this transition point with things, so it's a lot easier to tap into. Or I could just...not make a muse out of it and randomly write monologues.
Um, I apparently have a Jean Smart song. Not intentional, I'm just associating really strongly. I've been obsessed with her for, what, 3 weeks? I'm getting so good at this. And I don't have the guilt thing. So I'm not like "Oh shit, I need to be thinking about Mary right now or I'm evil." It's just like I'm okay focusing on someone else because I know it won't kill me, and if I don't get too attached they'll sort of flow more. And I'm finding people who fit my definition of a good actress, which I've never done before. I always used to be in such denial trying to change my ideas so my latest person would fit them and I'd have nothing to worry about. But now I can really pick these people who fit exactly what I want to do. They're better than me, that's the thing. They're like this indication that I can do more. Even though I don't see anyone as above what I can be interested in anymore, they still present an enormous challenge. I mean, this book on tape is something like that. Just thinking that Jean Smart is reading a book and she turns it into this monologue. She starts to cry at all the right moments. She has this amazing subdued tone of voice and it makes the whole thing a serious performance. It's more than just a book. Then Mary is first in my mind because she represents those really extraordinary qualities I want to have as a human being. I know it's not something that will happen, but just telling myself to work for it and having her there as an example makes things a lot easier to control, and it at least makes me try to be a better person. That feels like a lot. I'm just so happy with what I have right now, I guess I'm trying to say. And I'm trying to handle my situation with homework, because it went too far and I think there's a chance I realized that this time. So maybe it'll work now? *crosses fingers* This one thing I need. ONE THING.
More sick than yesterday. Maybe it'll be bad enough for me to skip tomorrow? I should go lick the sink or something. :P