gut me, its been a month or two

[when_it_hit]

i realize i am a runner
not really in the literal sense
but in the emotional sense too
sometimes its actually physical too
its mildly appaling, and people may think its irrational
but really i think now that i see it i know i wont do it as often
and i will actually find a way to see that running is sometimes nessicary

oh believe me i fight
but so many times i run
oh god i run

so i lost my camera bfore chicago
if i live there thats all i will be taking pictures of though

im tired of flower pictures (aka nature photo)
but somtimes im so damn unispired

thinking of paintings and drawings come so horribly easy to me
but then i have no chance at executing them

i realize i also need sleep, but refuse to give myself it

i have a tenative list for a good by mix

its got Elliott smith, of montreal, the cure, bowie, ratat, billie, rufus wainright, the violent femmes, ben kweller, belle and sebastian, sufjan stevens, janis, the pixies, bright eyes, xiu xiu, and new order

its hard to make a going away mix really
i think this might be just the end of year mix / clousure mix

i dont like that im clam now
why cant this happen during the crisis

ps:i am fairly proud of myself in some areas when i look back
it feels good