Probably one of THE MOST LIFE CHANGING DAYS OF MY LIFE.
I can actually feel my heart breaking.
I feel like I no longer have a soul.
Which in some ways is good, because I can't feel all the pain as strongly as I have been.
I feel like I have this huge pit in my stomach, this big part of me missing from my body.
If you are wondering.. TIM and I did NOT break up.
I actually ahve no idea what is going on.
He will FOREVER be my Fiance and I will wait for him.
Yesterday the phone bill came. = they see calls to Marlborough.
Then I dno wat happened next but they apparently talked with Jeff and Wendy. (Tims mom and dad)
And after that, they knew EVERYTHING.
They knew we'd been talking to eachother and I was with him at the concert.
They knew that we were going out AND that we are engaged.
Jeff and Wendy don't want me to call him ever again.
becuz Tim can go to lock up. I don't want him to go to lock up and now that everyone knows what has been
going on, there's not much more I can do.
Last night was my breaking point.
I cried and cried and threw up and cried more.
Screamed and yelled at my parents not to do this to me.
They said it was for my best. Michael said he was calling the police on Tim
I yelled and cried for him not to and he didnt't care, I told him he was a fucking idiot.
He then called me a spoiled bratty fucking lazy child.
I hate him with all my heart.
After that and him saying he was going to call the police on him still,
I said I was going to stab him, which then made him decide to call the cops on me.
He was going to except my mom ran after him.
I was about to walk out of my house, but I have no where to go.
Plus Id have to brign Stoneys stuff with me too and all that would weigh me down
they would expect me to leave too.
I was going to kill myself... or Michael I didnt know.
But I was SOOOOOOO out of it, that I could have done either without even stalling.
I had my knife in my hands thinking of what i shud do.
obviously I didn't do anything.
I can already feel myself going insane. LAST NIGHT i WAS. I just knew it. I was so out of my right mind.
My mom came back in trying to tell me that I don't love her and that she is doing wat is best 4 me
that I will eventually see that. Maybe she doesnt fuckign see, that if I am not able to b with Tim,
my life is going to b soooo fucked up. I don't even give a shit about nething anymore. As long as Im out of lock up when TIm gets off probation. Thats all that matters to me. My life between those two years is
NOTHING.
I actually have little plans but I don't know which would be better.
I just need to know that he isn't gunna stop loving me.
and that he won't find anyone else.
There's gunna b no one else for me. EVER
thats just how it is.
I'm engaged and always will b to TIm until I marry him.
I don't care if my family doesn't approve.
I know that my mom probably won't come.
I don't want Michael there, but maybe I'll invite him anyway, just for my mom because I love her.
If they say no... I have no one to give me away.
I think I might try and get in touch with David again, and I want to get in touch with
DAvid and Greg and Debbie too. My half sibilings. then either David(my birthfather) or Greg could
give me away...
I know where Im going to live with him when I get older. I already know. We want to be somewhat secluded
so I wanna go to like the middle of the country, where its warm most of the time, but it can get cold, and
where it's BEAUTIFUL. Where there's so many stress relievers. I can picture it now.
Like there's two sides to nevada.. there's the tourist cityness and then theres the peacefullside with
Lake Tahoe I think it is and just unbelieveably beauty.
I need a job so I can move out.
Cuz I can't stay here with Michael.
I need to find someone else who has a job and wants to move out.
Who is willing to share a small place. That way, we don't ahve to pay too much on rent.
I don't give a fuck wat the place looks like, as long as I've got some place to call home.
I haven't talked to my baby in 3 days... and I have NO IDEA how long it will be till I speak to him again.
But it doesn't matter, because He is ALWAYS going to mine.
<3I will perservere if it means that a reward as sweet as you is at the end. <3
will u wait for me?
<3True Love NEVER ENDS<3
Frankie might b coming ovr today.. I hope so.. cuz I need some serious shoulder to cry on time. I need to b held and told that everythin
is gunna b ok.... Im soooo crushed. WHy do my parents think this is right? do they NOT see what is goign to happen to me?
the song ANYWHERE by Evanescence perfectly desrcibes me right now.