My version of the rooftop scene after Noah's surgery
‘Ok. I know I may not be able to see the expression on your face but I can feel that…something’s changed. What is it?’ Noah asked with trepidation, not completely sure that he wanted to hear the answer. He turned slightly and squinted against the bright sunlight, waiting for Luke to respond.
‘Everything’s changed. I mean think about it Noah. Yesterday you couldn’t see and now you can and I know everything’s blurry but that’s just because of the swelling. Pretty soon you’re gonna be back to your old self…’ Luke began, not really sure how to answer Noah’s question without hurting him and he didn’t want to do that, not in his fragile state.
‘I can’t go back to the way I was before the accident’ Noah interrupted. ‘Too much has changed. But I’m talking about you Luke. Something’s changed with you’
‘A lot’s happened’ Luke shrugged.
‘I know… but you’re not just different. You’re different with me’ Noah took a deep breath and asked the question that had been on his mind for a while now but he had been too scared to ask. ‘So I’m asking… has the way you feel about me changed?’
‘Noah… I …I’ Luke paused, ramming his hands further into his pockets. Damn! He wished he knew what to say… wished he knew how to explain what he was feeling. Wished he could even understand his own feelings. Here was his chance to make things right… here was the love of his life asking what had changed and Luke was so overjoyed… so grateful that Noah had got his sight back and wanted to know where they stood. He saw a glimmer of hope there but in the same instant he remembered vividly how deeply Noah had hurt him, pushing him further and further away until he wasn’t even sure that they could find their way back anymore. And then there was Reid, it felt so good to be wanted by someone who knew exactly who they were and what they wanted from life and wasn’t afraid to ask for it…
‘So I’m guessing from the long pause… that it’s not a good answer’ Noah tried to smile but Luke could tell from his voice that there was no happiness there.
‘Noah’ Luke sunk to his knees by the side of Noah’s wheelchair, so that Noah could see him more clearly, ‘when you pushed me away again… and again you hurt me… more than I think you’ll ever know’ the hurt that ran deep in Luke’s voice made Noah want to reach out and hold him. But he held back, uncertain if he had that right anymore.
‘And I get that you were hurting too but I wanted to be there for you so badly… why didn’t you let me in?’ Luke asked, gripping the edge of Noah’s chair and it seemed that knowing the answer to that question was the most important thing right now. If he could make sense of that maybe they did have a future.
‘I know I hurt you and I’m so… so sorry for that. But I was hurting too and I didn’t know how to deal with that. I… I guess I did the only thing I knew how to do… the one good thing that my father taught me… to be self reliant… to find my own way’ Noah tried to explain but felt he didn’t have the words to make Luke understand.
Luke’s heart went out to Noah, it didn’t seem to matter how far they had come…the scars of Noah’s childhood always seemed to come back to haunt them. ‘But you didn’t have to do it on your own Noah!’ Luke was frustrated; they always seemed to be coming back to the same issue.
‘I know that now. I do Luke and I’m so… so grateful for everything. I wouldn’t be here… able to see now if it wasn’t for you. You made it happen’ It hit Noah, like a punch to the stomach, that despite his attempts at trying to be self reliant it was Luke who had always been there helping and supporting him and loving him and all he’d done was to keep pushing. He felt an icy grip of fear tightening around his heart at the thought that Luke didn’t love him anymore… didn’t want him anymore and he couldn’t stand that.
‘Luke… please… I’m …I’ he paused and swallowed, trying to give himself the courage he needed, ‘I don’t want to lose you… I can’t. I… I love you’. That was it… he’d said it, swallowing hard as he waited for Luke’s reaction, closing his eyes against the now too bright sunlight.
The brush of Luke’s lips against his was so soft, so tentative that he almost didn’t trust his own senses. But he knew those lips… knew the feel of them against his own… better than everything in the world.
His hand gripped the back of Luke’s neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss, lips and tongue reacquainting themselves with Luke’s mouth; hungrily… eagerly like he was afraid he would never get to feel this again.
Luke pulled away, breathless. ‘I… I love you too Noah. But I can’t go back to the way things were. It’s too painful. If we are going to be together, we have to change… both of us’ Luke was almost too afraid to let himself believe that they had a chance again. He knew it wasn’t all Noah’s fault; he had to shoulder some of the blame too and they had to get passed that if they were going to find a way forward from this.
‘I know…and we will’ Noah gripped Luke’s hand where it still rested on the arm of his chair. ‘I’m not ready to give up on us. Are you?’ Noah swallowed hard again as the question hung in the air for several long moments.
Luke shook his head, the corners of his mouth pulling upwards in a slow smile, as he leant forward to press another kiss to Noah’s lips. He knew that they should probably talk some more… knew that they had probably been up here too long already and knew that Reid would probably have a fit if he found them up here but right now he didn’t care, all he wanted to feel was Noah’s lips sliding against his again.
Reid stood in the doorway of the stairs to the roof, his hand slipping from the door knob. He had been about to charge forward and tear a strip off of the both of them; fuelled by the jealousy of finding them both up here… together. But as he watch the scene unfold unobserved and as he saw Luke leaning in for another kiss his shoulders slumped in defeat because… how could he compete with that… what made him ever think he could try?
He turned and stomped back down the stairs, unheard by the couple on the roof and resolved bitterly that as soon as he was satisfied with his patient’s recovery he was catching the next flight out of Oakhell.
Link back to fic master post
‘Everything’s changed. I mean think about it Noah. Yesterday you couldn’t see and now you can and I know everything’s blurry but that’s just because of the swelling. Pretty soon you’re gonna be back to your old self…’ Luke began, not really sure how to answer Noah’s question without hurting him and he didn’t want to do that, not in his fragile state.
‘I can’t go back to the way I was before the accident’ Noah interrupted. ‘Too much has changed. But I’m talking about you Luke. Something’s changed with you’
‘A lot’s happened’ Luke shrugged.
‘I know… but you’re not just different. You’re different with me’ Noah took a deep breath and asked the question that had been on his mind for a while now but he had been too scared to ask. ‘So I’m asking… has the way you feel about me changed?’
‘Noah… I …I’ Luke paused, ramming his hands further into his pockets. Damn! He wished he knew what to say… wished he knew how to explain what he was feeling. Wished he could even understand his own feelings. Here was his chance to make things right… here was the love of his life asking what had changed and Luke was so overjoyed… so grateful that Noah had got his sight back and wanted to know where they stood. He saw a glimmer of hope there but in the same instant he remembered vividly how deeply Noah had hurt him, pushing him further and further away until he wasn’t even sure that they could find their way back anymore. And then there was Reid, it felt so good to be wanted by someone who knew exactly who they were and what they wanted from life and wasn’t afraid to ask for it…
‘So I’m guessing from the long pause… that it’s not a good answer’ Noah tried to smile but Luke could tell from his voice that there was no happiness there.
‘Noah’ Luke sunk to his knees by the side of Noah’s wheelchair, so that Noah could see him more clearly, ‘when you pushed me away again… and again you hurt me… more than I think you’ll ever know’ the hurt that ran deep in Luke’s voice made Noah want to reach out and hold him. But he held back, uncertain if he had that right anymore.
‘And I get that you were hurting too but I wanted to be there for you so badly… why didn’t you let me in?’ Luke asked, gripping the edge of Noah’s chair and it seemed that knowing the answer to that question was the most important thing right now. If he could make sense of that maybe they did have a future.
‘I know I hurt you and I’m so… so sorry for that. But I was hurting too and I didn’t know how to deal with that. I… I guess I did the only thing I knew how to do… the one good thing that my father taught me… to be self reliant… to find my own way’ Noah tried to explain but felt he didn’t have the words to make Luke understand.
Luke’s heart went out to Noah, it didn’t seem to matter how far they had come…the scars of Noah’s childhood always seemed to come back to haunt them. ‘But you didn’t have to do it on your own Noah!’ Luke was frustrated; they always seemed to be coming back to the same issue.
‘I know that now. I do Luke and I’m so… so grateful for everything. I wouldn’t be here… able to see now if it wasn’t for you. You made it happen’ It hit Noah, like a punch to the stomach, that despite his attempts at trying to be self reliant it was Luke who had always been there helping and supporting him and loving him and all he’d done was to keep pushing. He felt an icy grip of fear tightening around his heart at the thought that Luke didn’t love him anymore… didn’t want him anymore and he couldn’t stand that.
‘Luke… please… I’m …I’ he paused and swallowed, trying to give himself the courage he needed, ‘I don’t want to lose you… I can’t. I… I love you’. That was it… he’d said it, swallowing hard as he waited for Luke’s reaction, closing his eyes against the now too bright sunlight.
The brush of Luke’s lips against his was so soft, so tentative that he almost didn’t trust his own senses. But he knew those lips… knew the feel of them against his own… better than everything in the world.
His hand gripped the back of Luke’s neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss, lips and tongue reacquainting themselves with Luke’s mouth; hungrily… eagerly like he was afraid he would never get to feel this again.
Luke pulled away, breathless. ‘I… I love you too Noah. But I can’t go back to the way things were. It’s too painful. If we are going to be together, we have to change… both of us’ Luke was almost too afraid to let himself believe that they had a chance again. He knew it wasn’t all Noah’s fault; he had to shoulder some of the blame too and they had to get passed that if they were going to find a way forward from this.
‘I know…and we will’ Noah gripped Luke’s hand where it still rested on the arm of his chair. ‘I’m not ready to give up on us. Are you?’ Noah swallowed hard again as the question hung in the air for several long moments.
Luke shook his head, the corners of his mouth pulling upwards in a slow smile, as he leant forward to press another kiss to Noah’s lips. He knew that they should probably talk some more… knew that they had probably been up here too long already and knew that Reid would probably have a fit if he found them up here but right now he didn’t care, all he wanted to feel was Noah’s lips sliding against his again.
Reid stood in the doorway of the stairs to the roof, his hand slipping from the door knob. He had been about to charge forward and tear a strip off of the both of them; fuelled by the jealousy of finding them both up here… together. But as he watch the scene unfold unobserved and as he saw Luke leaning in for another kiss his shoulders slumped in defeat because… how could he compete with that… what made him ever think he could try?
He turned and stomped back down the stairs, unheard by the couple on the roof and resolved bitterly that as soon as he was satisfied with his patient’s recovery he was catching the next flight out of Oakhell.
Link back to fic master post