Men of the Year 2008
This is a repost, as apparently the images weren't working before. Thanks LJ! It's my annual Men of the Year list - one of the only lists of its kind that Barack Obama isn't going to win. As ever, the list consists of the finest totty to make a splash in the past twelve months. The previous winners were Gethin Jones, Daniel Craig, Ray Stevenson, Colin Farrell and Craig Doyle. Obviously it's a very prestigious prize. No, Zac Efron, you can't have it. Not yours.
10. Jim Sturgess
Neither Across the Universe nor 21 were particularly great films, but their adorably apple-cheeked English star Sturgess is well on his way to boy-next-door heartthrob status - and he can sing, too! This winning combination means that he's apparently been linked to the lead role in the Spider-Man Broadway musical. No, really. There goes that career.
9. Bret Harrison
Some guys ooze sexual self-confidence and swaggering machismo. And some guys are dweebs. Reaper's Bret Harrison is a dweeb through and through. And don't we all love a dweeb? Well, handsome dweebs, anyway. Bret Harrison looks something like I'd expect the perfect doting boyfriend to look, were such a thing to exist. It doesn't.
8. The Housemates
Oh, I know, I know; Big Brother, how awful, death of civilisation et cetera and so forth. But for the first time this past year the show had some bona fide man candy, first in the hijack edition with prettyboy boxer Anthony Ogogo (above left), who is not only beautiful but also seemed genuinely nice, and then with the proper show's Dale Howard, who is terrifically easy to look at and good for absolutely nothing else. A long career in wearing underwear in public awaits him. Well, a short career. But hey, it's a living! These days.
7. Mike Vogel
Poor Mike Vogel; when you're that stunningly pretty, you really have no choice but to go into modelling and parley that into a career making schlocky horror movies. Somehow this lead to his accidentally appearing in Cloverfield and getting smooshed by a giant monster, so hopefully he'll now get to be a beautiful corpse in a much better class of schlocky horror movie.
6. Scott Porter
Speed Racer wasn't as bad as everyone said it was, but the best thing in it was Friday Night Light's Scott Porter as Speed's golden-boy brother Rex. What a shame that the movie (spoilers!) sees him get plastic surgery and end up as Matthew Fox. Matthew Fox is OK and all, but I'd still get my money back if that were me. I'm of the opinion that if Scott Porter doesn't get the lead in the Captain America movie there'll be no point making the Captain America movie. He was made for the part! In a lab! With a serum!
5. The Olympians
Olympic years are always good years for perving - in fact, that's what the Olympics are for! Oh, unless you're a straight man. Child gymnasts and women made of sinew? Sucks to be straight! My favourites this year were little Canadian diving pixie Alexandre Despatie (above, left), and gold-medal-winning rower, British Naval officer, part-time superhero and all-round god Pete Reed.
4. Sean Faris
Because Paul Walker doesn't quite have the range to play people who aren't blond, it was necessary to invent Sean Faris. Faris also serves to remind us how it is that Tom Cruise ever became famous, which is sometimes hard to remember now that he's old, weird and embarrassing - though Tom was never actually as handsome or as fit as Faris. I'm watching Top Gun right now, so you can take my word for this. The wonderful thing about Faris is that he makes movies about things like ultimate fighting and rugby, which is the male equivalent of Jessica Biel only making films about washing cars or modelling lingerie. His upcoming movies include an adaptaion of the video game King of Fighters. It's sure to be excellent.
3. Gabriel Macht
I've been waiting for Macht to get his big break since 2001, and now he's got The Spirit under his belt, so... I'm still waiting. Maybe Whiteout will do it? Macht has a very old Hollywood look about him - the square jaw, the twinkling eyes, the Errol Flynn smile - so he was absolutely perfect for The Spirit. A better director could have done wonders with that casting. Maybe it's time to remake Captain Blood? Won't someone please make this man famous?
2. Jon Hamm
Another actor with old school leading man dash, which is why Jon Hamm is so perfect as Mad Men's Don Draper. Hamm seems to have arrived out of nowhere - I'm sure I'd remember seeing someone that handsome before - so I suspect he fell into a chest freezer in the 50s and was only recently defrosted. And while we're on the subject of superhero casting; Christopher Nolan, might I suggest that this man would be excellent for a certain role should you ever decide to give Christian Bale his well-deserved pink slip?
1. Thore Schölermann
And this year's winner is... some obscure actor from a German soap opera! Hurray! But, hear me out. There are several reasons Thore Schölermann is my 2008 Man of the Year. The most obvious is that he's a gorgeous redhead with beautiful blue eyes. Also, his name is Thore. Do you need more than that? Oh, OK. Here's who Thore Schölermann is:
Thore is one of the stars of Verbotene Liebe, and if you don't know that, you probably aren't sufficiently immersed in 'boys kissing boys is hot' culture. Verbotene Liebe ('Forbidden Love') is a popular prime time soap opera in Germany that has become a YouTube phenomenon because of just one plot line; the ballad of Christian and Olli. Bi boy meets straight boy. Bi boy accidentally falls in love with straight boy. Bi boy kisses straight boy. Straight boy is confused about his feelings for bi boy. Straight boy is mean to bi boy. Then this happens:
The bit you're looking for is at around the four minute mark, but you may enjoy the whole clip.
The bi boy is Olli, played by Jo Weill, who is also good looking in a dewy-eyed, porcelain-skinned sort of way. The 'straight' boy is Christian, played by our Thore. Both actors are straight, and Thore was reportedly initially a little reluctant to do a gay storyline. It's to his credit, then, that he does it well - and his reward is a worldwide cult following.
Gay love stories are few and far between. Good ones are virtually unheard of. Throw in gay characters played by hot actors - is that even allowed? - and you've got one of the best gay love stories ever told. In a German soap opera! I know! And once they'd told the story, what did they do? Break them up? Have one of them hook up with a girl? Kill one of them? Kill both of them? Ooh, ooh; AIDS? No! Apparently you don't have to do any of those things! Christian and Olli went from having perhaps the best gay love story in all of fiction ever to having perhaps the cutest, most beautifully portrayed gay relationship in all of fiction ever. Olli and Christian: officially the best gays in the history of made up stuff.
Thus I present to you my man of the year 2008; the adorable, gorgeous and really very wonderful Mr Thore Schölermann.
If you'd like to explore the story of Christian and Olli for yourself, some very nice Germans have put their entire saga up on YouTube as a playlist - with subtitles! Thanks Germany! I forgive you for the whole war thing!
And if you have any thoughts you'd like to share on this year's MOTY, or if you'd just like to acknowlegde that, hey, you turned up, the tip jar is, as always, what we like to call the comments section.
10. Jim Sturgess
Neither Across the Universe nor 21 were particularly great films, but their adorably apple-cheeked English star Sturgess is well on his way to boy-next-door heartthrob status - and he can sing, too! This winning combination means that he's apparently been linked to the lead role in the Spider-Man Broadway musical. No, really. There goes that career.
9. Bret Harrison
Some guys ooze sexual self-confidence and swaggering machismo. And some guys are dweebs. Reaper's Bret Harrison is a dweeb through and through. And don't we all love a dweeb? Well, handsome dweebs, anyway. Bret Harrison looks something like I'd expect the perfect doting boyfriend to look, were such a thing to exist. It doesn't.
8. The Housemates
Oh, I know, I know; Big Brother, how awful, death of civilisation et cetera and so forth. But for the first time this past year the show had some bona fide man candy, first in the hijack edition with prettyboy boxer Anthony Ogogo (above left), who is not only beautiful but also seemed genuinely nice, and then with the proper show's Dale Howard, who is terrifically easy to look at and good for absolutely nothing else. A long career in wearing underwear in public awaits him. Well, a short career. But hey, it's a living! These days.
7. Mike Vogel
Poor Mike Vogel; when you're that stunningly pretty, you really have no choice but to go into modelling and parley that into a career making schlocky horror movies. Somehow this lead to his accidentally appearing in Cloverfield and getting smooshed by a giant monster, so hopefully he'll now get to be a beautiful corpse in a much better class of schlocky horror movie.
6. Scott Porter
Speed Racer wasn't as bad as everyone said it was, but the best thing in it was Friday Night Light's Scott Porter as Speed's golden-boy brother Rex. What a shame that the movie (spoilers!) sees him get plastic surgery and end up as Matthew Fox. Matthew Fox is OK and all, but I'd still get my money back if that were me. I'm of the opinion that if Scott Porter doesn't get the lead in the Captain America movie there'll be no point making the Captain America movie. He was made for the part! In a lab! With a serum!
5. The Olympians
Olympic years are always good years for perving - in fact, that's what the Olympics are for! Oh, unless you're a straight man. Child gymnasts and women made of sinew? Sucks to be straight! My favourites this year were little Canadian diving pixie Alexandre Despatie (above, left), and gold-medal-winning rower, British Naval officer, part-time superhero and all-round god Pete Reed.
4. Sean Faris
Because Paul Walker doesn't quite have the range to play people who aren't blond, it was necessary to invent Sean Faris. Faris also serves to remind us how it is that Tom Cruise ever became famous, which is sometimes hard to remember now that he's old, weird and embarrassing - though Tom was never actually as handsome or as fit as Faris. I'm watching Top Gun right now, so you can take my word for this. The wonderful thing about Faris is that he makes movies about things like ultimate fighting and rugby, which is the male equivalent of Jessica Biel only making films about washing cars or modelling lingerie. His upcoming movies include an adaptaion of the video game King of Fighters. It's sure to be excellent.
3. Gabriel Macht
I've been waiting for Macht to get his big break since 2001, and now he's got The Spirit under his belt, so... I'm still waiting. Maybe Whiteout will do it? Macht has a very old Hollywood look about him - the square jaw, the twinkling eyes, the Errol Flynn smile - so he was absolutely perfect for The Spirit. A better director could have done wonders with that casting. Maybe it's time to remake Captain Blood? Won't someone please make this man famous?
2. Jon Hamm
Another actor with old school leading man dash, which is why Jon Hamm is so perfect as Mad Men's Don Draper. Hamm seems to have arrived out of nowhere - I'm sure I'd remember seeing someone that handsome before - so I suspect he fell into a chest freezer in the 50s and was only recently defrosted. And while we're on the subject of superhero casting; Christopher Nolan, might I suggest that this man would be excellent for a certain role should you ever decide to give Christian Bale his well-deserved pink slip?
1. Thore Schölermann
And this year's winner is... some obscure actor from a German soap opera! Hurray! But, hear me out. There are several reasons Thore Schölermann is my 2008 Man of the Year. The most obvious is that he's a gorgeous redhead with beautiful blue eyes. Also, his name is Thore. Do you need more than that? Oh, OK. Here's who Thore Schölermann is:
Thore is one of the stars of Verbotene Liebe, and if you don't know that, you probably aren't sufficiently immersed in 'boys kissing boys is hot' culture. Verbotene Liebe ('Forbidden Love') is a popular prime time soap opera in Germany that has become a YouTube phenomenon because of just one plot line; the ballad of Christian and Olli. Bi boy meets straight boy. Bi boy accidentally falls in love with straight boy. Bi boy kisses straight boy. Straight boy is confused about his feelings for bi boy. Straight boy is mean to bi boy. Then this happens:
Click to viewThe bit you're looking for is at around the four minute mark, but you may enjoy the whole clip.
The bi boy is Olli, played by Jo Weill, who is also good looking in a dewy-eyed, porcelain-skinned sort of way. The 'straight' boy is Christian, played by our Thore. Both actors are straight, and Thore was reportedly initially a little reluctant to do a gay storyline. It's to his credit, then, that he does it well - and his reward is a worldwide cult following.
Gay love stories are few and far between. Good ones are virtually unheard of. Throw in gay characters played by hot actors - is that even allowed? - and you've got one of the best gay love stories ever told. In a German soap opera! I know! And once they'd told the story, what did they do? Break them up? Have one of them hook up with a girl? Kill one of them? Kill both of them? Ooh, ooh; AIDS? No! Apparently you don't have to do any of those things! Christian and Olli went from having perhaps the best gay love story in all of fiction ever to having perhaps the cutest, most beautifully portrayed gay relationship in all of fiction ever. Olli and Christian: officially the best gays in the history of made up stuff.
Thus I present to you my man of the year 2008; the adorable, gorgeous and really very wonderful Mr Thore Schölermann.
If you'd like to explore the story of Christian and Olli for yourself, some very nice Germans have put their entire saga up on YouTube as a playlist - with subtitles! Thanks Germany! I forgive you for the whole war thing!
And if you have any thoughts you'd like to share on this year's MOTY, or if you'd just like to acknowlegde that, hey, you turned up, the tip jar is, as always, what we like to call the comments section.