Cannot stay
I feel a lurch in my chest. It makes sense to be home and away from those ridiculous, chemical-ridden lawns. It makes sense that the diploma is framed up there on the shelf. I look at it and feel the lurch as varying degrees of disbelief and nostalgia rush down my arms to my palms.
I knew I'd sleep in this bed again, soon. It always happens. You just notice one moment, "oh, here, again." I wanted to keep last week so badly. It's odd to know something doesn't last while you're in the fleeting time. Then find yourself sitting on that fact, looking around your room, knowing yesterday, certainly, did not linger like I wanted it to. I'm always in the fleeting time.
And we're all always growing older together.
Still, graduation was like my academic wedding. I felt surrounded by love and pride, dizzy and free in the chaos. I set aside certain anxieties and beamed brightly. Ken mentioned he'd never seen me smile so big before.
I've kept myself a bit busy, though, since I've come home. Spent time with friends, cleaned, made a few things (handerchief, lunch bag), have been making salads out of garden lettuce. Done a fair amount of shopping. Hopefully my bathing suit will come in soon, so I can start using my Community Center membership. Hope I can find a secretary-like job to hold me over till I'm back up there in late summer.
Looking at apartments tomorrow with Ken. I hope this goes well!
I knew I'd sleep in this bed again, soon. It always happens. You just notice one moment, "oh, here, again." I wanted to keep last week so badly. It's odd to know something doesn't last while you're in the fleeting time. Then find yourself sitting on that fact, looking around your room, knowing yesterday, certainly, did not linger like I wanted it to. I'm always in the fleeting time.
And we're all always growing older together.
Still, graduation was like my academic wedding. I felt surrounded by love and pride, dizzy and free in the chaos. I set aside certain anxieties and beamed brightly. Ken mentioned he'd never seen me smile so big before.
I've kept myself a bit busy, though, since I've come home. Spent time with friends, cleaned, made a few things (handerchief, lunch bag), have been making salads out of garden lettuce. Done a fair amount of shopping. Hopefully my bathing suit will come in soon, so I can start using my Community Center membership. Hope I can find a secretary-like job to hold me over till I'm back up there in late summer.
Looking at apartments tomorrow with Ken. I hope this goes well!