Family
Often, I am asked if I should return to my "home" state.
Without hesitation I rebuke such an idea - but this is my home now and I'm met with a smile of acceptance.
And I know it to be true.
She asked this morning if I've heard, and it was the first time I'd openly admitted I asked him not to call. The radio silence, while I know it was my request, I painted it to be his idea.. well an agreed mutual idea.
It's true, no break-up is mutual, it's a consolation prize so one person doesn't feel like the loser. Its my consolation prize to help me feel a little stronger.
And so without any frills, and nothing to hold back and tell her everything, with everyone listening - because they are all family and they are the ones who remind me I am not alone even though his absence creates a melancholy loneliness.
I admit my flaws, my desperation and my clinging to hope. And she just nods, and understands with a gentle reassurance that the loneliness will be chased out by company.
I'm kidding myself if I don't admit I'm longing for the day he returns home. Kidding myself that I don't hope the radio silence is just as deafeningly loud for him. Kidding myself that I will ever stop loving him.
I should guard my secrets a little closely, because they're all on my side, and I know, if the day comes that he could return to me, he's going to have to work hard to prove to them he's worthy of joining my family.
Without hesitation I rebuke such an idea - but this is my home now and I'm met with a smile of acceptance.
And I know it to be true.
She asked this morning if I've heard, and it was the first time I'd openly admitted I asked him not to call. The radio silence, while I know it was my request, I painted it to be his idea.. well an agreed mutual idea.
It's true, no break-up is mutual, it's a consolation prize so one person doesn't feel like the loser. Its my consolation prize to help me feel a little stronger.
And so without any frills, and nothing to hold back and tell her everything, with everyone listening - because they are all family and they are the ones who remind me I am not alone even though his absence creates a melancholy loneliness.
I admit my flaws, my desperation and my clinging to hope. And she just nods, and understands with a gentle reassurance that the loneliness will be chased out by company.
I'm kidding myself if I don't admit I'm longing for the day he returns home. Kidding myself that I don't hope the radio silence is just as deafeningly loud for him. Kidding myself that I will ever stop loving him.
I should guard my secrets a little closely, because they're all on my side, and I know, if the day comes that he could return to me, he's going to have to work hard to prove to them he's worthy of joining my family.