035
[ooc: Angel has been spending a lot of time brooding since turning into Angelus, and now he's locked himself in his hotel room and his refusing to come out. He's drawn portraits of these former barge residents...
...and has written extensively about his aaaangst:]
[private]
Jenny, Faith, and Andrew are gone. The inmates here are promised that once they are redeemed they can return to the lives they knew. Maybe that's possible for someone like Faith - I remembered so much more than she did, when she was here. I remember saving her from herself, doing what I could to help her find peace. I remember her saving me when no one else would. She became a champion.
And Andrew? He was... annoying a good kid. Wherever he is, I hope he's okay.
But what about Jenny? She was dead. Maybe there are worlds out there where I didn't kill her; I hope she went to one of those.
And me? If I ever leave here, what have I got to go back to? Fighting the fight, alone. The Admiral promised to save my friends, but he couldn't save Cordelia, Fred, or Wesley. Gunn was so badly wounded... and was Illyria even my friend?
I really don't want to go back to Spike.
I wonder if anyone here is ever truly redeemed. Redemption takes a lifetime or more - I'm still atoning for sins I committed over a hundred years ago. Even with a soul I've done things I shouldn't have. Perhaps all that constitutes redemption here is learning that you need it, and that we all, not just the inmates, have something to make amends for. After all, redemption is a path, it doesn't come to you in a moment of revelation. You never stop atoning.
[/private]
[private to Ethan]
Ethan. It's been a week. I'm sorry for saying what I did; I was angry, and I didn't mean it. I don't really think of you that way, and it was wrong of me to assume there's no one waiting for you back home. I hope there is. That's something everyone deserves.
Have fun in Disneyworld.
[/private]