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[whattheytellyou]

[Friends Filter - If you think you’re on it, you probably are. Morrigan, Loki, O’Brien, Mark Hoffman, and Eddie Spinola have been added. Per his request, Armand St. Just has been removed.**]

I apologize if I’ve been quiet lately. I had my hands full, what with keeping my inmate from consummating her, ah, marriage during this last flood.

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Private; This ironically comes from new experiences.

[expectremorse]

It's a good thing that you're not desensitized to violence.

[he sounds...exhausted.]

Because there is absolutely no difference between human beings and animals when they have lost everything. It doesn't matter what constitutes as everything to them.

You lose a sense of civilization, a sense of what defines who you are and it is better to be stronger then the people around you. Anything less will get you. killed.

Private;

[whattheytellyou]

[There's a long pause as she debates how best to reply to this.]

I'm sorry I called you a monster, Hoffman.

Mark.

That was wrong. It was said for the wrong reasons.

Private;

[expectremorse]

[he tries to smirk and fails. He settles for drumming his fingers on his desk.]

You were right about it in some respects. And wrong about it in others. But thank you Sarah.

I sometimes think...

[He decides not to finish that thought.]

Thanks.

Private;

[whattheytellyou]

[She still can't bring herself to look him square in the eye.]

If I can be as honest as I have been with you, you can finish that sentence. What do you sometimes think?

Private;

[expectremorse]

[long sigh]

I sometimes think you're incredibly naive. Believing in all of this possibility.

I see it. I saw it. Do you know how many times I responded to calls outside of hospitals and shelters and..

And...I sing the same old song I always sing about how terrible life is for human beings.

[Long pause]

There are two kinds of people in this world that all stem out of people who care Sarah. There are the kind of people who are cared for-and the kind of people who care for themselves.

The people who are cared for- [he looks disgusted] take everything the system can offer them. They are given every goddamn chance. People waste their lives trying to help them, sitting in rooms for hours on end listening to stories, watching children who have grown up in dark and horrible places play. They are given every chance and they don't care.

They're like pets. They are complacent. They don't fight. It's horrible to watch

Private;

[whattheytellyou]

[She's silent for a moment, then finally exhales slowly and looks at him.]

Mark, I care about other people. I care about Amanda, and in spite of -

[She frowns.]

In spite of what you did, I care about you. You're here for a reason. If you're here, it means you deserve a second chance. I have to believe that, because otherwise, Amanda doesn't deserve it, either, and this is all a joke.

And I am not naive. You need to take a long, hard look at me, learn about me, and rethink that analysis. I am quite honestly tired of being underestimated and brushed off because you disagree with me.

I'm not stupid, I'm not ignorant, and I am not going to let either of you two drag me down. Every time you tell me I'm going to get myself killed or that I'm naive, it makes me fight harder.

Re: Private;

[expectremorse]

[His eyes narrow]

You saw the movies.

Did they show you that I wanted Rigg to survive? I wanted Rigg and Eric to survive! I wanted them to survive because we could have...

[And he walked right into that. Stopping himself, he fixes her with a serious gaze.]

...I see the same kind of person who taught felons how to read and who monitored shelters and handed out food. I see the same type of person who called my guys out after they fucking fought over crack pipes and pies and cakes and other useless bullshit....

[he sounds tired]

But you'd stick with it wouldn't you. And you'd go home and you'd feel genuinely...genuinely like you were doing good. [He's talking to himself now] And you might actually do it.

Private;

[whattheytellyou]

[She's with him until that last bit. She snaps angrily:]

Do you think I'm here to make myself feel good? Like this is some sort of altruistic endeavor so I can go home and pat myself on the back for a job well done?

Putting myself through histrionics and floods and ports and nightmares about you, because I like to martyr myself?

You have got to be kidding me. If I want to feel good about myself, I'll go home and do what I'm good at. You -

[For a moment, she's too angry to form a coherent sentence - and hurt, as well.]

You don't know the first god damned thing about me.

Private;

[expectremorse]

So how about you tell me instead of making me guess!?

Please.

[Interpret that how you will Sarah.]

Private;

[whattheytellyou]

[She sits back in her chair, surprised.

Her jaw works, and she looks away from the camera, then back again.

Finally, simply:]

You'll kill me.

Private;

[expectremorse]

I don't like playing games I can't win. Or at least games I know the rules to. If you throw someone onto a fucking checkerboard without telling them the rules then they're bound to get pissed off.

[He leans back, breathing deep before he looks at the floor for a good long while. When he looks back at her-he looks normal. Blank yes, but normal.]

You're not a piece I can play Sarah. Logically I can see why. Amanda doesn't care for you [yet.] You're determined and nothing that I say or do will seemingly deter you. You...

[he looks shaken. Then he regains his control.]

How many times do I have to tell you. Unless you represent a direct threat. to me. I will not...hurt...you.

Are you really so afraid to die?

Private;

[whattheytellyou]

No. I'm not afraid to die here.

[A pause.]

I just don't want it to be you.

[She looks down at her hands, pursing her lips.]

I keep telling you I'm the only friend you have. I'm sure you have inmates who are using your friendship just like you use theirs, but I'm the only one who doesn't expect anything in return. Except for you to behave yourself. Obviously.

[Another pause, and she frowns.]

The fact is, you're the only...I have friends. I do. And they're good people, and they listen politely and pat me on the back and give me a beer when I'm down.

But you challenge me. You understand Amanda and what it is I'm up against, even if you don't believe I can do this. I talk to you because you engage me. You make me think.

[Shrug.]

So if someone tests me, and someone kills me, I don't want it to be you. That's...My nightmares are you. Like I said.

Private;

[expectremorse]

[He looks shocked, then subdued. He studies her for a moment before leaning back and looking away.]

[To himself] I make her think and she makes me care. What a said little pair we are. [sad little laugh.]

[There is a very long pause as he lets out a deep breath before he looks down at his hands. Finally, he fixes his gaze on the camera again. He sounds completely and utterly serious.]

I swear on my sister's life I will not test you.

[Unless you anger him. Or piss him off. Or hurt him in some way.]

You've done nothing to deserve it. However, since nightmares don't usually go away without years of therapy, I doubt that will be consolation.

Besides, I don't test people like Amanda does. Their rehabilitation is out of my hands.

Private;

[whattheytellyou]

[She nods, pursing her lips again.]

About...eight months ago, a man who I thought was decent enough shoved me off a boat. Tried to drown me.

I didn't realize it at the time. [Bitterly:] I thought it was an accident.

[How to tell this story without details. Hm.]

I ran in to him again not long after. I was under a car, hiding from a pack of animals that had decided I was encroaching on their territory; they ran off, and he came along and thought he was just going to drive off in my vehicle.

[She pauses and clears her throat.]

I grabbed him to stop him, and he...expressed the sentiment that he wished he'd finished me off.

So when a bigger predator came along and he tried to hide under the car with me, I kicked him back out in the open. I put my boot right in his face, in fact.

[A beat, and she glances at him again.]

So...I know a little something about murder. And revenge. And right now my biggest fear isn't being blinded or killed or tested by Amanda. It's that you'll capitalize on it.

Re: Private;

[expectremorse]

[He unconsciously reaches to his scar. He pulls his hand back quickly]

My movies showed everything that I did?

Private;

[whattheytellyou]

Only you can say that for sure.

They showed a lot.