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Jul 04, 2011 13:06

[Friends Filter**]I need to sort a few things out, so forgive me if I ramble. Maybe a solution will present itself. Or maybe someone has some insight that would be useful ( Read more... )

my friends are all addicts, mark hoffman, out of my element

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private stopthat_destro July 4 2011, 13:27:42 UTC
Yes. There are many behaviors I'd rarely engaged in before the Barge. If I knew the solution, I'd have put an end to it already.

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private whattheytellyou July 4 2011, 13:33:44 UTC
Like what? If you don't mind me asking.

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private stopthat_destro July 4 2011, 13:48:23 UTC
My temper is shorter, and I seek out alcohol where I used to refrain. [Not even gonna touch the V or sexual dysfunction at alllll.]

A byproduct of no longer being happy as one's self, I suppose. The Barge serves to ruin inmates before it... repairs them.

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private whattheytellyou July 4 2011, 13:55:40 UTC
I think the Barge eats at everyone after a while, Rex.

If you need someone to talk with, you know I'm around. It'll stay between us.

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private stopthat_destro July 4 2011, 14:27:08 UTC
But wardens aren't the ones who have to change their identities to leave. The purpose of the Barge is inherently destructive.

I talk, on occasion, but I don't know what it really accomplishes.

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private whattheytellyou July 4 2011, 14:29:55 UTC
I don't know who has it worse: those of you who are being torn apart because it's required, or those of us who weren't expecting it, but are because it's inevitable.

Either way.

Talking...at least you know someone cares enough to listen. At the very least.

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private stopthat_destro July 4 2011, 14:41:23 UTC
I don't know, myself. It's difficult to quantify.

Ah. Certainly. I know there are many who'll listen. But when I talk, nothing changes, not really. I'm left in the same place I began, only now there's somebody who knows more about me.

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private whattheytellyou July 4 2011, 14:42:53 UTC
Is that such a bad thing? Someone knowing about you?

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private stopthat_destro July 4 2011, 14:48:30 UTC
It can be. [Awwwkward pause.] I don't know. I find myself uncertain most days lately.

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private whattheytellyou July 4 2011, 14:50:30 UTC
In what way? Uncertain about yourself or others?

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private stopthat_destro July 4 2011, 14:53:07 UTC
Myself. That I don't put much faith in others isn't terribly new.

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private whattheytellyou July 4 2011, 14:58:30 UTC
If nothing else, Rex, you should be certain about yourself. No matter how much this place changes you or tears you down, you should be able to say with absolute certainty that you know yourself.

Otherwise, how will you survive?

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private stopthat_destro July 4 2011, 15:14:41 UTC
I've managed. Somewhat. It will be easier once I'm free of this place.

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private whattheytellyou July 4 2011, 15:20:24 UTC
Are you leaving after rehabilitation?

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private stopthat_destro July 4 2011, 15:39:48 UTC
Without question. Why should I willingly subject myself to this place?

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private whattheytellyou July 4 2011, 15:53:43 UTC
You probably shouldn't. Some people have stayed regardless of their suitability, though. They think they're obligated, I guess.

Where will you go?

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