Forever and a day..
SO its been LITERALLY months since my last post.
mainly because i have been writing in my other journal.
and mainly because i have been so busy that while ALOT of life has been happening
it's been hard for me to sit and write about it.
something i think i need to start doing again. NOW whether it is on here or not. .i'm not sure BUT as for now.. i'm sitting @ Spring Hill Farm ( haha my grandparents house) while no journal and alot to say.
so
here i am.
GREASE is going great! I got a great little write up on Broadwayworld.com and everyone who has come to see it has pretty muched loved our little energy filled show and had nice things to say to me about my performance as well as those of my castmates.. pretty great and something i'm not really used to hearing lately.. so that is really nice. Our director Mark was amazing through the whole process and i really really really hope i am fortunate to work with him again in the near future ( since i will be graduating in the next 12 months.. ah!) Aside from the show-- the CAST is a really great group of people. We are all fun and have some pretty fun parties.. which has made for a great summer all and all.
This is definitely a summer to go down in the books.. i have been having REALLY the time of my life with people who mean alot to me.. but of course there are troubles..
the boy situation is ALWAYS tumultuous. and i refuse to get into on here.. BUT basically yet again i had faith in something i shouldn't have and of course i get hurt. Not to say this guy isn't a great one.. because he is-- but the downer side of me says "I wasn't good enough" the positive always smiling side says " don't say things like that" and the way i am feeling is somewhere in the middle.. back and forth from hour to hour. The worst part of it all is the way it went down in the end and how stupid i looked.. which i absolutely hate.. i HATE looking stupid ( ie. not in control of the situation) and that is exactly what happened.. i looked like a complete idiot.. and of COURSE someone called me out on it. making it even worse.
Family problems too-- mainly being completely disconnected from most of my family ( until today) and of course $$ have made for an interesting environment.
i'm sort of in this place of ... nothingness.
i have so much i need to be doing and not a lot of motivation to do anything
i never want to actually do GREASE-- just thinking of it makes me EXHAUSTED BUT as soon as i get to the theater.. and have my makeup on.. i am so ready.. more ready than i was the day before and can't wait to get on stage.
Once on stage.. i don't wanna get off and I ALWAYS have so much fun.
I feel like i only have friends in the GREASE cast or people who are essentially part of the GREASE cast.. my school friends are fairly non-existent this summer.. basically bc they are all together in DC and i am working/ staying in Bmore all the time. ( OR half across the US an busy) This is a fault of both mine and theres.. but of course i am over analyzing it. I am just thinking and worrying alot lately
and of course that in turn
makes me worry more
because thinking and worrying TOO much = panic attacks
something i haven't had since first semester this year.
alittle grey's to round out this entry ;c)
"Four hundred years ago, another well-known English guy had an opinion about being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course, it was fancier when he said it. "No man is an island entire unto himself." Boil down that island talk, and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we're not alone. "
gosh i hope someone does ;c/
love.love.love.
mainly because i have been writing in my other journal.
and mainly because i have been so busy that while ALOT of life has been happening
it's been hard for me to sit and write about it.
something i think i need to start doing again. NOW whether it is on here or not. .i'm not sure BUT as for now.. i'm sitting @ Spring Hill Farm ( haha my grandparents house) while no journal and alot to say.
so
here i am.
GREASE is going great! I got a great little write up on Broadwayworld.com and everyone who has come to see it has pretty muched loved our little energy filled show and had nice things to say to me about my performance as well as those of my castmates.. pretty great and something i'm not really used to hearing lately.. so that is really nice. Our director Mark was amazing through the whole process and i really really really hope i am fortunate to work with him again in the near future ( since i will be graduating in the next 12 months.. ah!) Aside from the show-- the CAST is a really great group of people. We are all fun and have some pretty fun parties.. which has made for a great summer all and all.
This is definitely a summer to go down in the books.. i have been having REALLY the time of my life with people who mean alot to me.. but of course there are troubles..
the boy situation is ALWAYS tumultuous. and i refuse to get into on here.. BUT basically yet again i had faith in something i shouldn't have and of course i get hurt. Not to say this guy isn't a great one.. because he is-- but the downer side of me says "I wasn't good enough" the positive always smiling side says " don't say things like that" and the way i am feeling is somewhere in the middle.. back and forth from hour to hour. The worst part of it all is the way it went down in the end and how stupid i looked.. which i absolutely hate.. i HATE looking stupid ( ie. not in control of the situation) and that is exactly what happened.. i looked like a complete idiot.. and of COURSE someone called me out on it. making it even worse.
Family problems too-- mainly being completely disconnected from most of my family ( until today) and of course $$ have made for an interesting environment.
i'm sort of in this place of ... nothingness.
i have so much i need to be doing and not a lot of motivation to do anything
i never want to actually do GREASE-- just thinking of it makes me EXHAUSTED BUT as soon as i get to the theater.. and have my makeup on.. i am so ready.. more ready than i was the day before and can't wait to get on stage.
Once on stage.. i don't wanna get off and I ALWAYS have so much fun.
I feel like i only have friends in the GREASE cast or people who are essentially part of the GREASE cast.. my school friends are fairly non-existent this summer.. basically bc they are all together in DC and i am working/ staying in Bmore all the time. ( OR half across the US an busy) This is a fault of both mine and theres.. but of course i am over analyzing it. I am just thinking and worrying alot lately
and of course that in turn
makes me worry more
because thinking and worrying TOO much = panic attacks
something i haven't had since first semester this year.
alittle grey's to round out this entry ;c)
"Four hundred years ago, another well-known English guy had an opinion about being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course, it was fancier when he said it. "No man is an island entire unto himself." Boil down that island talk, and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we're not alone. "
gosh i hope someone does ;c/
love.love.love.