<3
And I don't want to fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you
i <3 those lyrics.
so today was an interesting day..during lunch 5 ppl got arrested. that was amusing to watch. and so they had all us high schoolers go out into the basketball court which has a big fence around it. and i learned that i cant be in closed in areas like that...i had never been in one till today. and i definatly didnt like it. i was freaking out. then after that i felt sick for like the rest of the day. and then once i got home i was pretty much fine.re painted my nails. watched American Idol. then i got online and saw that Pat. this guy that like harassed me a couple years ago requested me as a friend on myspace. and i dunno...i just didnt need that. and like..i dont know i guess it kinda trigered other thoughts in my head and i just feel like shit. physically and emotionally. i feel like im going to throw up. and i can feel tears welling up in my eyes..i hate this so much. i really do.i dont want to go to school tomorrow...at all..but we are going on a field trip somewhere so who knows...the last field trip we had last wednesday turned out to be really fun. so maybe it will be a good thing. and if the day starts out shitty i will just go home or something...hell if i know. i dont want to think about what tomorrow brings. or what today brought. i just want to sleep so i dont have to think about any of it. but im not tired..i feel like reading the bible right now, but i dont even have one here. its at my moms house..speaking of my mom. the child support my dad pays is getting lowered and shit and i know my mom is going to take it out by drinking even mroe and she is going to complain to me. when her and my dad bring me in to it, i feel like its my fault. they have been divorced for 7 years now. and he has always payed child support for all 3 of us, 3 years ago he could have stopped paying Bobbys a year ago he could have stopped paying Bens. but he continued to so he could help my mom out. and my mom is always saying things like oh he doesnt pay me enough. so then my dad tells me everything and says that basicly my mom is full of shit. and i just hate it..things are building up again.right in front of me. im letting them build up though.i shouldnt be letting them. i know how i get when things build up. and yet i havnt done anything about it...i need this retreat coming up more than anything right now.i need to get away from everything. even if it is just for two days..i dont care..w.e....im done for now...
tomorrow is Coopers b-day...i still have yet to get her something...i'll figure something out..maybe i'll make her a card? and buy her a butt load of peanut butter cups? who knows....
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you
i <3 those lyrics.
so today was an interesting day..during lunch 5 ppl got arrested. that was amusing to watch. and so they had all us high schoolers go out into the basketball court which has a big fence around it. and i learned that i cant be in closed in areas like that...i had never been in one till today. and i definatly didnt like it. i was freaking out. then after that i felt sick for like the rest of the day. and then once i got home i was pretty much fine.re painted my nails. watched American Idol. then i got online and saw that Pat. this guy that like harassed me a couple years ago requested me as a friend on myspace. and i dunno...i just didnt need that. and like..i dont know i guess it kinda trigered other thoughts in my head and i just feel like shit. physically and emotionally. i feel like im going to throw up. and i can feel tears welling up in my eyes..i hate this so much. i really do.i dont want to go to school tomorrow...at all..but we are going on a field trip somewhere so who knows...the last field trip we had last wednesday turned out to be really fun. so maybe it will be a good thing. and if the day starts out shitty i will just go home or something...hell if i know. i dont want to think about what tomorrow brings. or what today brought. i just want to sleep so i dont have to think about any of it. but im not tired..i feel like reading the bible right now, but i dont even have one here. its at my moms house..speaking of my mom. the child support my dad pays is getting lowered and shit and i know my mom is going to take it out by drinking even mroe and she is going to complain to me. when her and my dad bring me in to it, i feel like its my fault. they have been divorced for 7 years now. and he has always payed child support for all 3 of us, 3 years ago he could have stopped paying Bobbys a year ago he could have stopped paying Bens. but he continued to so he could help my mom out. and my mom is always saying things like oh he doesnt pay me enough. so then my dad tells me everything and says that basicly my mom is full of shit. and i just hate it..things are building up again.right in front of me. im letting them build up though.i shouldnt be letting them. i know how i get when things build up. and yet i havnt done anything about it...i need this retreat coming up more than anything right now.i need to get away from everything. even if it is just for two days..i dont care..w.e....im done for now...
tomorrow is Coopers b-day...i still have yet to get her something...i'll figure something out..maybe i'll make her a card? and buy her a butt load of peanut butter cups? who knows....