Has YODA been here?
It's 1:34 on Sunday afternoon and I'm all full o' bourbon. It's been a long weekend. The Boy being away on vacation with his great aunt notwithstanding, I haven't won any mom of the year awards. At least, it doesn't seem so to me.
BabyGirl is well on her way to a compulsive disorder of some sort. She insists on cleaning everything in sight, not to mention she MUST wear her new "flops" every second of the day. Including bedtime. She must wear the dollar store flip flops or complete meltdown ensues, and this includes waking up in the middle of the night and crying for mom because the "flops" have fallen off in her sleep. She is cute as hell, but high maintenance right now, and high energy right now I am NOT. Yesterday I took her to the bathroom 4 times at Karate and 4 times at McDonald's. She actually WENT potty once. So when I finally gave her the "wait two more minutes, I just took you to the bathroom"...ya, she pooped in her underpants. I threw them away in the McDonald's bathroom cause I just couldn't deal. Two and a half I will NOT miss.
Daughter has been a gem, I must admit. Except for the fact that she's already turning into her mother which frightens the hell out of me. And yet, she's already more self confident and assertive than I ever was at 30. Go figure. She and I had a "mommy date" and got pedicures yesterday. She is an amazingly creative and artistic "little woman" already and I only hope I can do her justice and get her pointed in the right direction. If I don't totally fuck it up she will be an amazing human.
The Boy is in Palm Springs with my favorite aunt. Backstory: she used to take me and my sister every spring vacation except for two from the time I was 2 until I graduated from High School. My grandmother (a whole story in and of itself!) lived there and we usually drove-occasionally flew-down to stay at her house. My grandmother has since passed away but the tradition continues...my aunt and cousin and several other families converge on the Shilo Inn on Palm Canyon Drive to swim, sun and drink copious amounts of wine in the hot tub every night. The Boy has two other boys to play with and has done nothing but swim for two days. I'm so happy for him to be in the sun, getting exercise, not having to deal with siblings or divorce or bouncing back and forth between my house and daddy-dearest's apartment. I'm jealous though because he's in the sun and I'm at home caring for the girls in the best way I can which I feel falls incredibly short this weekend...at least in terms of emotional energy.
Of which, I have none. I am completely consumed this weekend my own sorrows and self pity, not to mention the bourbon. I have bills to pay, I should take a shower at some point, I have to remodel the Boy's bedroom (a promise I intend to keep), and the list of "shoulds" goes on and on. And I've been buying stuff on ebay, drinking myself into numbness and trying to keep my head above water and the tears from turning into a deluge. So I'm listening to the type of music my dear friends call "music to slit your wrists to" and feeling lonely and empty and all versions of depressed. Cotton Candy, being a 19 year member of AA, would say that I'm drinking myself to death to try and change the way I feel...and I would say "hell yes". Cause how I feel today is nothing short of suck.
BabyGirl is well on her way to a compulsive disorder of some sort. She insists on cleaning everything in sight, not to mention she MUST wear her new "flops" every second of the day. Including bedtime. She must wear the dollar store flip flops or complete meltdown ensues, and this includes waking up in the middle of the night and crying for mom because the "flops" have fallen off in her sleep. She is cute as hell, but high maintenance right now, and high energy right now I am NOT. Yesterday I took her to the bathroom 4 times at Karate and 4 times at McDonald's. She actually WENT potty once. So when I finally gave her the "wait two more minutes, I just took you to the bathroom"...ya, she pooped in her underpants. I threw them away in the McDonald's bathroom cause I just couldn't deal. Two and a half I will NOT miss.
Daughter has been a gem, I must admit. Except for the fact that she's already turning into her mother which frightens the hell out of me. And yet, she's already more self confident and assertive than I ever was at 30. Go figure. She and I had a "mommy date" and got pedicures yesterday. She is an amazingly creative and artistic "little woman" already and I only hope I can do her justice and get her pointed in the right direction. If I don't totally fuck it up she will be an amazing human.
The Boy is in Palm Springs with my favorite aunt. Backstory: she used to take me and my sister every spring vacation except for two from the time I was 2 until I graduated from High School. My grandmother (a whole story in and of itself!) lived there and we usually drove-occasionally flew-down to stay at her house. My grandmother has since passed away but the tradition continues...my aunt and cousin and several other families converge on the Shilo Inn on Palm Canyon Drive to swim, sun and drink copious amounts of wine in the hot tub every night. The Boy has two other boys to play with and has done nothing but swim for two days. I'm so happy for him to be in the sun, getting exercise, not having to deal with siblings or divorce or bouncing back and forth between my house and daddy-dearest's apartment. I'm jealous though because he's in the sun and I'm at home caring for the girls in the best way I can which I feel falls incredibly short this weekend...at least in terms of emotional energy.
Of which, I have none. I am completely consumed this weekend my own sorrows and self pity, not to mention the bourbon. I have bills to pay, I should take a shower at some point, I have to remodel the Boy's bedroom (a promise I intend to keep), and the list of "shoulds" goes on and on. And I've been buying stuff on ebay, drinking myself into numbness and trying to keep my head above water and the tears from turning into a deluge. So I'm listening to the type of music my dear friends call "music to slit your wrists to" and feeling lonely and empty and all versions of depressed. Cotton Candy, being a 19 year member of AA, would say that I'm drinking myself to death to try and change the way I feel...and I would say "hell yes". Cause how I feel today is nothing short of suck.