Who am I?
I was never going to be THAT girl. You know, the girl fumbling with food stamps in the checkout line. The girl calling the power company to bitch about her ex not paying the bill, all the while the gaggle of children are screaming, crying and carrying on in the background. I was never going to be the girl dropping off restraining orders at the elementary school for her kids' files. And I was CERTAINLY never going to be the girl yelling at her kids at the top of her lungs "NO, WE CAN'T GO TO MCDONALDS BECAUSE WE HAVE NO MONEY. AND WHEN YOUR DAD TAKES YOU OUT FOR ICE CREAM TONIGHT AND BUYS YOU TOYS AT THE DOLLAR STORE, WELL THEN YOU CAN ASK HIM WHY WE DON'T HAVE MONEY TO BUY TOILET PAPER."
And yet I find myself in those shoes. The difference is, the view from here is nothing like it was from the outside when I thought I knew what the hell "THAT girl" was going through.
So here I am, doing my damnedest to make beauty from an ugly situation. I apologize to the kids for yelling, scrounge up enough change to take them to McDonald's for some ice cream, and tuck them into bed with a story complete with voices. We say bedtime prayers with thanks for what we have and hope for a better day tomorrow. And I remind myself that I didn't get divorced just for me, I did it to protect my kids as well. I remember that the bitterness and anger that wells up isn't just because I was unloved, but because they were ignored and rejected too.
So even though I wasn't going to be THAT girl...I remind myself of who I still am:
I am the mom who dances in public with her two year old.
I am the daughter, niece, sister, cousin and friend who has the support of people who love her.
I am the woman with an unquenchable fire to live.
I am the carpool mom who cranks up the Shrek Soundtrack and swerves the car to the beat.
I am the woman kicking at the darkness until the daylight bleeds through.
And yet I find myself in those shoes. The difference is, the view from here is nothing like it was from the outside when I thought I knew what the hell "THAT girl" was going through.
So here I am, doing my damnedest to make beauty from an ugly situation. I apologize to the kids for yelling, scrounge up enough change to take them to McDonald's for some ice cream, and tuck them into bed with a story complete with voices. We say bedtime prayers with thanks for what we have and hope for a better day tomorrow. And I remind myself that I didn't get divorced just for me, I did it to protect my kids as well. I remember that the bitterness and anger that wells up isn't just because I was unloved, but because they were ignored and rejected too.
So even though I wasn't going to be THAT girl...I remind myself of who I still am:
I am the mom who dances in public with her two year old.
I am the daughter, niece, sister, cousin and friend who has the support of people who love her.
I am the woman with an unquenchable fire to live.
I am the carpool mom who cranks up the Shrek Soundtrack and swerves the car to the beat.
I am the woman kicking at the darkness until the daylight bleeds through.