Emotionless
I have cried so much over the last three months I seem to have no tears left. I quite think this is very much a good thing seeing as how I don't cry every night anymore, but it leaves me with a rather strange feeling. I now feel void and empty throughout the day. This used to be a state I could reach only while asleep- and the main reason why I slept so much. But now it just stays with me. In a way this is what I've longed for, the ability to go through life not caring, just simply living. Only now do I believe I am I finally ready to move on, and that I am finally willing to embrace the fact that I must. That doesn't mean I am rushing out to find another date as quick as possible, actually rather quite the contrary. I find myself uninterested in men for the time being. But I will say one thing. I can still remember the happiest moment of my life. After reading my live journal one may think it was holding Eminem's hand at his concert, but surprisingly it is not that. It is a rather simple moment really, but it is by far the only time I have felt such peace and happiness. And it was simply when I was in Palm Springs, visiting a good friend of his family's. We were in the pool that belonged to his friend, and he was just holding me in his arms, with my arms wrapped around his neck. I remember feeling weightless from the water, yet safe just being held by him. There was a connection in that moment, in which neither of us needed to speak. The greatest moment of my life was a silent one. This is one memory that will haunt me forever.