Anono niceness?

[whatsagirlgotta]

I'm going into work fugue in a bit, because there is a lot of stuff I need to get done before boss returns from annual leave which I just haven't applied the requisite concerted effort + time = shiny brilliance equation to. I'm going to have to not internet, but would love to have something to look at in the 5 minute concentration breaks I'm

Comments

[anonymous]

So there's this person of the opposite sex, right. I may be slightly in love with them. I'm cool with that, they are awesome. I'm not convinced that they doesn't feel the same way but I'm also not sure that they do.

Trouble is, they're kind of important in my life for other reasons and if this goes wrong it could potentially ruin a very good thing.

Do I explain my feelings to them and that I didn't just want to make a move for fear of ruining a very good thing or do I go for the action approach and have faith that if they aren't isn't interested then it'll all work out fine and explaining it would make it weird anyway??

[anonymous]

I think the main thing to be careful of is not ruining the good thing that you already have.

If both of you are single then it might be worth trying the action approach or talking to the other person about how you feel. If one or both of you is NOT single, however, then you need to go a lot more gently. Lots of friends are a little bit in love with each other, after all. It doesn't mean that anything more has to come of it, especially not if things are already very good between you.

[anonymous]

Yeah, well that's the trick isn't it? not ruining the good thing.

As far as I know they are not in a relationship, i think they might be seeing someone, but they've never mentioned it to me, and i don't think it's that serious. that said, i don't want to hold back if there is a chance that i might miss the boat as it were.

If they like to stroke my face, it's good sign, right?

I should probably point out that this is not someone who uses LJ, in case anyone is reading this and getting ideas.

[anonymous]

The face stroking does sound like a good sign, yes!

I think you should try to find out a bit more about their situation and get more of an idea of how they might feel about you and then take it from there. The trick is not to build things up in your head so that it feels like something's definitely going to happen. If you do that and the other person says no (or turns out to be seeing someone etc) then it'll be really hard to go back to where you were and not feel upset or bitter etc.

[anonymous]

also as an aside, you think that if either or both of us were in a relationship that it would be OK to pursue it, just very gently?
I would have instinctively not have thought that to be ok and as such have never considered the possibility of letting myself have feelings for someone that was in a relationship.

[anonymous]

Personally I think no. I don't think it's right to pursue anything with someone that's in a relationship, and I don't think it's right to start cultivating a romance with a new person when you yourself are already taken. That's why it's important to know the situation of the person you might be falling for, and to be very clear of where you yourself stand before taking any action.

Not that I'm saying you shouldn't go for it though! It sounds like you really like this person, so you shouldn't let the chance pass if all the signals you're getting are positive and both of you are free to get into something.