Polygamy is disgusting.
April 26, 2003
Hatch Lists Reasons Polygamists Are 'Fine People'
(2003-04-26) -- To back his recent statement that he knows some "very fine people" who are polygamists, Utah's Sen. Orrin Hatch today released a list of what makes polygamists so fine.
The Republican Senator insisted he doesn't want to justify polygamy, which is illegal in Utah and elsewhere. Mr. Hatch's Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (The Mormons) officially discarded the doctrine which sanctioned plural marriage in 1890.
Here are some excerpts from a document released by the Senator's office entitled "Why Polygamists Are Such Very Fine People, and Good for America, (Although Orrin Hatch Is Not Here to Justify Polygamy)":
-- Polygamist families help the youth of the community since they provide more Cub Scout Den Mothers, covered-dish cooks, homeroom helpers and mini-van soccer Moms.
-- Since one-out-of-two U.S. marriages ends in divorce, polygamy increases the odds of at least one marriage per family holding together.
-- Polygamists who take teen wives reduce the number of out-of-wedlock pregnancies in the community.
-- Husbands with multiple wives are less likely to commit adultery, since they can simply marry the object of their desires.
-- The challenge of dealing with multiple, asynchronous mood swings tends to make polygamist men skilled diplomats.
-- Failure to cope with multiple, asynchronous mood swings may increase the consumption of over-the-counter medications, which is good for the pharmaceutical industry.
-- Since husbands and wives often vote for the same candidates, if you can win the polygamist men's vote it could trigger a domino effect.
-- In the event a polygamist were elected President, you would have a First Lady, Second Lady, Third Lady and so on. Should the First Lady ever become incapacitated and not be able to perform her duties, the Second Lady would assume the role, and all the others would move up one position. This would reduce the likelihood of chaos in the White House when crucial decisions must be made about China, and silverware. It would also increase the number of President's wives available to be photographed while reading to 2nd-graders.
Hatch Lists Reasons Polygamists Are 'Fine People'
(2003-04-26) -- To back his recent statement that he knows some "very fine people" who are polygamists, Utah's Sen. Orrin Hatch today released a list of what makes polygamists so fine.
The Republican Senator insisted he doesn't want to justify polygamy, which is illegal in Utah and elsewhere. Mr. Hatch's Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (The Mormons) officially discarded the doctrine which sanctioned plural marriage in 1890.
Here are some excerpts from a document released by the Senator's office entitled "Why Polygamists Are Such Very Fine People, and Good for America, (Although Orrin Hatch Is Not Here to Justify Polygamy)":
-- Polygamist families help the youth of the community since they provide more Cub Scout Den Mothers, covered-dish cooks, homeroom helpers and mini-van soccer Moms.
-- Since one-out-of-two U.S. marriages ends in divorce, polygamy increases the odds of at least one marriage per family holding together.
-- Polygamists who take teen wives reduce the number of out-of-wedlock pregnancies in the community.
-- Husbands with multiple wives are less likely to commit adultery, since they can simply marry the object of their desires.
-- The challenge of dealing with multiple, asynchronous mood swings tends to make polygamist men skilled diplomats.
-- Failure to cope with multiple, asynchronous mood swings may increase the consumption of over-the-counter medications, which is good for the pharmaceutical industry.
-- Since husbands and wives often vote for the same candidates, if you can win the polygamist men's vote it could trigger a domino effect.
-- In the event a polygamist were elected President, you would have a First Lady, Second Lady, Third Lady and so on. Should the First Lady ever become incapacitated and not be able to perform her duties, the Second Lady would assume the role, and all the others would move up one position. This would reduce the likelihood of chaos in the White House when crucial decisions must be made about China, and silverware. It would also increase the number of President's wives available to be photographed while reading to 2nd-graders.