I need to vent. so now...i am venting.
I know, I don't write in here anymore and really it is because there isn't really anything to write about or i'm just too lazy. whatever. life is pretty lame and lately i've just been thinking a lot about my life here and about the people that should complete it but don't. i don't know but as cheesy as this is going to sound, even though i may have many friends from a lot of groups, i never feel really comfortable with myself being with them. i don't know but honestly i'm kind of just tired of my friends here because honestly i feel like none of them hardly give a shit about me. now don't get me wrong, i know that many of them do care for me and i love all of them but what the fuck i constantly feel like im being ignored by all of them. i almost never get invited to hang out with my friends but rather i have to do all the calling which i dont mind but it is kind of annoying because it feels like im the only one doing all the work in the relationship. and dont anyone say that you're too fucking busy because how dare you say you're too busy to give me a call when you'd prefer to see another friend that you probably see every week. every fucking week i call around and everyone else is "oh so sorry seb, but im doing something else. peace" and then i decide to go out onmy own and walk around mt.kisco like a loser because i have no friends who care to invite me out. last year on my 18th birthday i thought i was going to see everyone and have a great day. in the end i called everyone.."sorry sebastian im busy, happy birthday!" you know what i did, i walked around mtkisco again by myself...crying. i'm not asking for pity even if it may look like it, i just want everyone to recognize the fact that im a person or too and i just wish someone would take a minute and just say hi. that would be nice. i remember last year i wrote on here and decided that i would not call any of my friends because hey im sick of doing all the work and guess what. no one called. no one called for a month because i just gave up ad decided to stop living like a hermit. i mean, i think im a good friend. im always trying to be there for my friends and i would do anything for them but when is someone going to love me? god im so pathetic but i just keep on thinking that maybe someone will care enough to give me a ring. i hate this. i hate it because it's like im that loser friend who everyone at school says " i love sebastian" yet outside of school theyre like"sorry seb, im busy" and i always end up calling them and begging for a night out with them because i cant bear to go out again and drink coffee on my own because it's sickening that i constantly have to entertain myself. i keep on thinking that maybe in college, things will be different and that ill make new friends who'll appreciate my presence more. i just need a change with my surroundings and people. i need something more.