The Secret of Red Gate Farm (Part 1 of 2)
Nancy finds herself another defenseless young girl to stalk help, and soon is knee-deep in secret codes, mysterious cults, and illegal dealings. Is anyone surprised? Nancy and Co. also express their true feelings about harmless cults, unusual clothing styles, and possibly the Asian race in general.
"'That Oriental-looking clerk in the perfume shop certainly acted mysterious,' Bess Marvin declared..." (page 1)
Ah look, stereotypes and semi-derogatory remarks right off the bat!
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"Blond, pretty Bess, who had a love for feminine luxuries, laughed. 'I was extravagant, but I just couldn't resist such yummy perfume. After all, Dad gave me money to buy something frivolous, so I did!'" (page 1)
Bess: "Depression? What Depression?"
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"In her active life, the attractive, titian-haired sleuth had learned that being on time was important." (page 2)
Narrator:"Heed well, young readers! This means you!"
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"Nancy leaned her head back against the cushion, and as she relaxed, studied the faces of the nearby passengers.
Narrator: "She was disgusted with what she saw."
She thought that the thin, sweet-looking girl who occupied the seat just opposite looked very tired, worried, and even ill. Nancy judged
Narrator: "- people before she got to know them, which is why the pretty = good, ugly = bad equation was invented."
the girl to be her own age." (page 4)
And ripe for the picking!
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"By now the concentrated odor of Blue Jade had permeated the car, and passengers in nearby seats flung open the windows.
Narrator: "And flung Nancy, Bess, and George out of them."
'I'm glad we're getting off at the next stop.' Nancy giggled." (page 5)
Nancy: "Or I am gonna get so high off of this stuff..."
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"Nancy had become so engrossed with the spilled perfume that she had forgotten about the pale young woman who occupied the opposite seat.
She's acting like she's never seen a white person before. Come on Nancy, you're in 1930's suberbia! Who else would you see?
Now, as Nancy turned her head, she was startled to see that the girl had slumped down in a dejected heap.
'She's fainted!' Nancy exclaimed, moving quickly across the aisle." (page 5)
Oops, guess the perfume was too much for her. She should never visit a girl's locker room.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Bess! Ask if there is a doctor in the car!' Nancy cried urgently." (page 6)
Bess: "Um, okay, but we're on a train..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"By this time other passengers in the car were aware that something had happened, and were crowding about, asking unnecessary questions and getting in the way.
Narrator: "Much like Nancy herself."
Nancy politely asked them to move back." (page 6)
Nancy: "I saw her first, so I get interrogation dibs!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The man edged closer to (Nancy), glanced quickly about to see that no one was close by, and muttered in a guttural tone,
Man: "You wanna come back to my place, or do you just want to do it right here?"
'Any word from the Chief?'" (page 8)
Nancy: "Oh yeah, he says 'Woof, arf arf, growl.' I think that means he's doing fine."
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"The stranger realized at once that he had made a mistake. 'Excuse me, miss. My error,' he murmured, starting for the car ahead. 'But that perfume- Well, never mind!'" (page 8)
Man: "It's just that it's the same kind that all the hookers wear, and I thought- well, like I said, never mind. Sorry if I offended you."
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"What message had he expected to retrieve from her? Who was the Chief?" (page 9)
Um, the dog from Shadow Ranch?
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"Quickly filling a cup with ice water, (Nancy rushed back to George and Bess, who were giving first aid to the girl." (page 9)
Bess: "And ONE and TWO and THREE and BREATHE, and ONE and TWO and THREE and BREATH, and ONE and TWO..."
Girl: (trying to sit up) "Um, I just fainted. I didn't need rescue breathing. But I'm okay now..."
Bess: "... and THREE and BREATHE, and ONE and TWO and THREE..."
Girl: "No, really, I'm fine now. Can you please get off my chest and stop breathing into my mouth?"
Bess: "... and BREATHE, and ONE and TWO and..."
Girl: "I"m OKAY!"
George: "Do you need the paddles, Bess?"
Girl: "AAAAAHH!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'The Chief?' Bess and George chorused. 'What Chief?'" (page 10)
The DOG from SHADOW RANCH! I mean really, you guys, it was only one book ago...
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"'... Why don't you come home for a snack with us?' Nancy suggested. 'I left my car parked here by the station, and I can drive you back.'
The girl started to protest, but Nancy and the others urged her on, and soon they were all settled in Nancy's blue convertable." (page 11)
Narrator: " -The girl bound and gagged in the trunk. It was her fault; she shouldn't have made them drag her."
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"'Surely no one would be mean enough to take over your farm,' Bess murmured sympathetically." (page 12)
Bess, it seems, is unfamiliar with the IRS.
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"Gram knows little about money matters..." (page 12)
Joanne ("The Girl"): "Kind of like Bess here..."
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"'I am rather hungry,' Joanne confessed. 'I haven't had anything to eat since last night.'
....
'It's no wonder you fainted.' Nancy said." (page 13)
Oh, come on! You don't faint from hunger after less than twenty-four hours without food!
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"'I do feel better,' Joanne announced when she had finished. 'It was so good of you to bring me here.'
Joanne: "Even though you had to semi-kidnap me to do it."
'Not at all,' Nancy said softly." (page 14)
Nancy: "What we're planning to do with you is not good at all..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Why, this ad says Riverside Heights!' (Nancy) exclaimed. 'You should have stayed on the train until the next stop!'
'I thought Riverside Heights and River Heights were the same place!' Joanne Byrd cried in distressed surprise." (page 14)
Joanne: "I didn't think anyone was stupid enough to give two nearby towns such similar names!" (Clearly she hasn't been to New Hampsire)
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"Nancy had taken a liking to the girl and wanted to help her.
Oh, I'll just bet she does.
Not only was Joanne half sick from lack of food
Oh, please.
but she had worked herself into a nervous state." (page 15)
Yeah, getting kidnapped can do that to you.
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"'You must let me drive you to Riverside Heights!' Nancy insisted. 'It'll only take fifteen minutes and you'll have plenty of time to apply for the position.'
.. (Joanne) was reluctant to accept the favor.
Joanne: "Y'know, this is starting to get a bit weird..."
'Nonsense! We'll start right away!' Nancy turned to Bess and George. 'Want to come along?'
Bess: "No thanks Nancy, we've already humoured your deranged fantasies enough for one day."
Bess and George both declined, since they
- had lives.
were expected at home." (page 15)
Fine, had controlling parents, whichever.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'You'll get there,' Nancy assured (Joanne). 'Have you ever applied for a job before?'" (page 15)
Joanne: "No, I'm a woman."
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"The girls soon reached Riverside Heights, and Nancy had no trouble finding the address mentioned in the advertisement.
Of course not.
It was in a run-down section of the city
... which really wasn't all that uncommon, considering, y'know, the Depression.
but Nancy did not mention this to her companion." (page 16)
Well, I don't think Joanne is blind, so...
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"'Look here,' the man addressed Nancy, 'wouldn't you like that job? I could use a good-lookin' girl like you.'" (page 17)
What is this, an escort service?
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"'I'd count my blessings if I were you,' said Nancy soberly. 'There's something strange going on in that office and I'd like to know what it is.'
'Why, what do you mean?' Joanne asked quizzically.
Joanne: 'Who cares what's going on? So I didn't get the job! That doesn't exactly justify an investigation..."
'Well,' Nancy began carefully, 'I'm not sure my suspicions are just, but I have a hunch there's something shady about the telephone message he got when you were in the inner office. Nancy explained about the series of numbers on the sheet of paper and how she suspected they might form some sort of code.
Joanne: "The hell?"
'At any rate,' Nancy went on,
- oblivious to Joanne's bewilderment -
'we can't be sure of anything, so this must remain confidential.'
Joanne nodded and fell silent." (page 22)
Joanne: "You're a bit of a nut job, aren't you?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Why not come home with me?' Nancy suggested as they paused beside her car.
Joanne: *sigh* "You just not gonna take the hint, huh?"
'I'll be glad to have you as my guest for the night, and in the morning you'll feel better and can decide what to do then.'" (page 23)
Nancy: "I'm not going to bother getting permission from my dad or housekeeper/lover/surrogate mother- they're used to me bringing wayward young women home for the night!"
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"'Isn't that too bad?' Bess murmured in disappointment. 'She seems such a sweet girl. I'd like to know her better.'" (page 24)
Trust me, Nancy already knows her well enough for the both of you...
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"'Don't be too impatient, George,' Nancy advised with a grin. 'We don't have any proof that any of today's incidents is really cause for suspicion.'" (page 25)
Hmph. That never stopped you before.
(And I'm really wanting to correct that 'is' to an 'are' right now.)
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"At this moment a foreign-make car went by. Nancy glanced casually at the driver,
...curious about the new commie in the neighborhood...
then gave a start. He was the man who had spoken to her on the train!
You mean the man who remembers more about past plotlines than she does?
He slowed down and started at the three girls and at the Fayne house. Nancy felt at once that he was memorizing the address.
Narrator: "Because of her experience, Nancy was familiar with all the stalking techniques."
...
'I almost feel as if I'll hear from (the man from the train) again,' (Nancy told herself, then revealed to the girls, who had not noticed the car's driver
Narrator: "They were used to strange men driving by and noting their address; it was nothing unusual."
that he was the man who had confronted her on the train.
'He's still interested in you,' Bess teased." (page 26)
Bess: "Maybe you should give him a call or something."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'I can't remember when so much ever happened to me in one day.'
Nancy: "It must have been, like, last book or something!"
Nancy smiled despite her fatigue.
'I suppose I'll be getting the bills in a few days,' her father remarked teasingly.
'It wasn't just the shopping, Dad,' Nancy returned gravely." (page 26-27)
Nancy: "You'll be getting a court summons in a few days, too. You need to stress to the judge that it was not physical assault."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Maybe (the perfume salesgirl) was instructed to save (the perfume) for special customers,' Mr. Drew suggested.
'Dad, you may have something there!' Nancy exclaimed." (page 27)
Nancy: "Maybe this is just an ordinary situation after all! Who'd a thunk it?"
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"Immediately after dinner Mr. Drew retired to
- Florida, and spent the rest of his days playing golf and drinking pina coladas on the beach.
his second-floor study to work on his law case." (page 28-29)
Oh, how boring.
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"'I feel that Joanne isn't the type to be in the hectic business world,' Nancy remarked." (page 31)
Nancy: "After all, living on a farm, she probably knows nothing about hard work and deadlines."
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"In the face of such spirit on Joanne's part, the girls could do nothing but encourage her, though secretly they feared she would have no better luck the next day.
Narrators: "The girls were all about building her up for an even bigger fall."
'How about coming for a short ride?' Nancy invited.
Let's play Spot the Innuendo!
'I'd love it,' Joanne accepted eagerly.
Especially with this line.
'It's so hot and stuffy in my room- ' She hesitated, then added, 'Of course, I guess it is everywhere these days!'" (page 32)
Joanne: "OhmygodI'msosorry have I offended you by speaking ill of my boardinghouse? I totally understand if you just want to smack me in the face right now."
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"'You don't suppose that perfume girl has two jobs, do you?' George questioned." (page 34)
George: "Hmph. Minorities. Always taking jobs away from real Americans."
'I'd sure like to find out,' the young detective answered." (page 35)
And which one of them is that? Honestly, 'young detective' could basically fit any one of them by now.
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"'Do you know (the perfume girl)?' Nancy said, thinking that with the name Yvonne, the girl was probably part French." (page 35)
Nancy: "If she were really Oriental, her name would be Ming Ling. See how multicultural I am?"
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"(Nancy's) questions had evidentally begun to annoy the handyman." (page 36)
And with good reason.
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"The man regarded her suspiciously... 'They don't pay me to go stickin' my nose in other folks' business. I got my own work.'" (page 36)
Nancy: "You mean... they pay some people to do that? And here I've been doing it for free for years!"
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"'There's something underhanded about the whole thing, but we haven't much to go on,' Bess declared." (page 38)
Oh look, how cute. Nancy's inducted them all into her Junior Detective and Paranoid Delusions club.
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"'That's the horrible part, Nancy,' Joanne said dejectedly. 'I'll have only enought money for train fare half the way after I pay my room rent.'" (page 40)
Joanne: "And considering your father's practically made of money, I thought that..."
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"Chapter V: Money, Money!" (page 41)
Well, what Joanne wants, Joanne gets...
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"Nancy did some mental arithmetic and
- concluded that 2 + 2 really did equal 22.
came to the conclusion that three steady boarders who paid their bills regularly might help to lessen the amount of the mortgage interest payments that threatened Red Gate." (page 41)
*sigh* I see Joanne's gonna really have to start cracking down, and tell Nancy, very firmly, that "No means no."
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"That evening at dinner Mr. Drew said, 'I'll be out of town for a week or so, Nancy. Do you think you can get some of your friends to stay with you?'
Oh, come on! Isn't she supposed to be in her twenties?
'I have an even better idea,' Nancy replied, and smiled.
Mr. Drew: "... I don't want to know, do I."
She outlined her plan to help Joanne Byrd.
Mr.Drew: "Nancy, don't you think it's time you let go?"
Her father consented enthusiastically, proud as always of Nancy's desire to assist others.
Or stalk mercilessly, whichever word you choose.
It was not so easy to convince Bess and George, when Nancy telephoned them." (page 42)
Bess: "Nancy, I think your father's right. This is just getting a bit *too* creepy."
Nancy: "But... but... she needs my help and stuff!"
George: "Has she asked you to come live on her farm with her and pay her charity?"
Nancy: "No, but...she's too shy..."
George: "And doesn't she always politely but firmly decline your offers to help?"
Nancy: "But she always comes around in the end!"
Bess: "When you practically force her to, Nancy. Get a clue."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Bess and George had no trouble in getting their parents' consent." (page 42)
Narrator: "Because they were 20, so their parents didn't care what they did."
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"Nancy packed her clothes that night after telephoning the plans to Joanne." (page 42)
Nancy: "We are coming over there, Joanne. No ifs, ands, or buts."
Joanne: *sigh* "Do I have any choice?"
Nancy: "Of course not, silly! See you tomorrow!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy was glad to find that Joanne seemed to be in better spirits." (page 43)
Narrator: "She had resigned herself to her fate, and decided to make the best of the situation."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"They put (Nancy's) suitcase into the trunk of the car and soon were on their way back to River Heights. Assured by Joanne that they would be welcome at Red Gate, the cousins brought out their suitcases and put them in the luggage compartment." (page 43)
Wait, they put them in the what? I'm confused; are they back on a train again?
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"'Who do you think (the guy making threatening phone calls to George) is?' George asked (Nancy).
'Either the strange man on the train who followed me here, or some accomplice of his.'" (page 44)
Nancy: "Or Maud Potter, or Ada Topham, or Shorty Steele, or Gay Moreau, or the mean lady who accidentally knocked me down in book four... it could be anybody who's out to get me."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'... I'll be so glad to get out of this heat,' Bess chimed in with a sigh. 'I spent practically the whole night dreaming about the cool, refreshing breezes in the country.'
Bess: "And the lack of air conditioning."
As Nancy steered the convertable in the direction of Round Valley,
Narrator: "She remembered that she didn't actually know how to drive a car. No wonder she had taken the train before!"
she said with an eager smile, 'We're off to rescue Red Gate Farm!'" (page 44)
All: "WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZ-ARD!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Gradually the worried expression completely left Joanne's eyes, and color came into her thin face. She began to laugh heartily at the antics of Bess and George." (page 45)
*sigh* Is Nancy pumping laughing gas into the car again?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy laughed. 'We may even find hidden treasure in the walls.'
'I wish you could.' Joanne sighed. 'It certainly would come in handy.'" (page 46)
Nancy: *scoffs* "Like I'd let you keep any of it!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The group entered the lunchroom and took seats at one of the small white tables. They all decided on chocolate nut sundaes topped with whipped cream." (page 46)
Conform!
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"(Nancy) drove the car over to the pump and asked the attendant to fill the tank. Before he could do so, however, a large, high-powered
foreign
sedan pulled u to the other pump, coming to an abrupt stop almost parallel to Nancy's car.
'Give me five and make it snappy!' a voice called out impatiently.
Geez, if he's going to hold up the place, you'd think he'd demand more than five dollars.
The attendant glanced inquiringly at Nancy Drew. 'Do you mind?' he asked.
Attendant: "Can you pump their gas for them?"
'Wait on them first if you like,' she said graciously.
Nancy: "But be prepared to FEEL MY WRATH!"
Nancy observed the passengers with interest.
Of course.
There were three rather coarse-looking me, accompanied by a woman." (page 47)
No other description is given, so you are to assume that she is ugly, as well.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy gazed at the two men who remained in the automobile.
Nancy: "I wonder if one of them would go out with me?"
They were the sort Carson Drew would describe as 'tough customers'." (page 49)
Narrator: "Meaning they were ugly as sin."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"(The driver) took a thick roll of bills from his pocket, and with a careless gesture peeled off a ten-dollar bill.
'Aren't you afraid to carry such a wad of cash around, sir?' the attendant questioned, gazing admiringly at the thick roll.
Attendant: "I could just reach out and grab it. They'd never realize what'd hit 'em... and I'm a fast runner..."
The driver laughed boisterously.
Driver: "These are all ones, you idiot!"
'Plenty more where this comes from. Eh, Hank?'
Nancy: *gasp* "Based on that last comment, I can only assume that the driver is Canadian!"
'You bet! My roll makes his look like a flat tire!'
Wow. Okay, let's steer away from this subject now...
He flashed an even larger roll os bills in the amazed attendant's face.
The filling-station man shrugged. 'I'll have to go inside to get your change.'" (page 50)
Attendant: "I have absolutely no reason to suspect these men of counterfeiting, and therefore no reason to call the police and stop Nancy Drew from saving the day."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Maurice is right,' the driver admitted. 'That fellow is only a cornball, but we can't be too careful (about who we show our gobs of money to).'" (page 50)
Driver: "I hear Frito-Lay is bugging the bags now, you know."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"On impulse (Nancy) went to a phone booth and dialed her friend Chief McGinnis of the River Heights Police Department." (page 51)
Patent pending.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy looked around and saw that no one was seated near their table." (page 52)
Nancy: "Hmmm, maybe we smell."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'If (the man from the train's) in some shady deal around River Heights, he'd be glad to have our young sleuth out of the way.'" (page 53)
Oh, so now she's "your young sleuth", George? I thought that was a term of endearment only the narrator could use.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Joanne looked a bit worried, but all she said was, 'I think we'd better be on our way. I have to be there before that man comes to buy the farm. I must talk Gram out of it!'" (page 53)
... Is that code for "I have to stop Gram from kililng a guy"?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The girls finished the sundaes and picked up their checks, but Nancy insisted upon paying.
'I wanted to break this twenty-dollar bill Dad gave me,' she said. 'I've spent most of my smaller bills.'" (page 53)
Nancy: "And the money I lifted off those guys in the parking lot- well, I want to save that."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The farms dotting the landscape were very attractive." (page 53)
Narrator: "Strangely, Nancy found herself sexually attracted to them."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The next minute everyone groaned in dismay, and Nancy braked the car. Across the road stood a wooden blockade. On it was a sign:
DETOUR
BRIDGE UNDER REPAIR" (page 54)
AHHHHH! The evil road signs from The Bungalow Mystery are baaaack! *hides*
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"An arrow on the sign indicated a narrow roadto the right. As Nancy made the turn, Joanne gave a sigh." (page 54)
Joanne: "I miss driving with J. Edgar Hoover."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"(Nancy) decided it would be safer to get away from the dangerout line of trees, any one of which might crash down on them!" (page 55)
Narrator: "She decided their best course of action would be to park in a large field, where they would be the tallest things in the area, and sit on top of their metal car."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'We've done it!' Bess shouted proudly.
'With a little outside help!' George panted." (page 56)
If you take some drugs, tilt your head, and squint a bit, this can easily be interpreted as:
Bess: "George finally got me pregnant!"
George: "With a little help from the sperm bank!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"As the convertable climbed the brow of the hill, there was a brilliant flash of lightning. George, who was seated in front of Nancy, screamed, 'Don't hit her!'" (page 57)
Now George, we know how devoted you are to Nancy, but yelling at the lightning isn't going to do anything to solve your problems.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Why would any sane person be walking in such a storm?' Bess spoke up finally.
Hey, maybe it's Laura Pendleton!
'She's headed in the direction of the cavern,' said Joanne, and explained that they were now nearing the farm. 'Maybe she's one of those strange people over there!'" (page 58)
Joanne, it's not nice to refer to the Village People that way.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"(Gram's) blue eyes were bright as she welcomed Joanne warmly." (page 62)
Narrator: "Then, as she saw the three guests Joanne had brought with her, they turned stone-cold."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy quickly spoke up. '... It certainly would be a shame to give up Red Gate. And besides, George, Bess, and I would like to be paying guests for a while- if you'd like us to stay, that is.'" (page 61)
Mrs. Byrd: "Oh, HELL no."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Suddenly Mrs. Byrd said, 'Goodness! I've forgotten to look in our mailbox today.'" (page 62)
Mrs. Byrd: "I hope we haven't gotten another of those annoying Anthrax letters!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"George and Bess were shown to the room in which they would sleep. Nancy was to share Joanne's bedroom.
Three guesses who arranged tbat little set-up.
'Oh, how sweet it smells in here,' Joanne commented, as Nancy unpacked.
'That's some of the Oriental perfume which spashed on my clothes in the train,' said Nancy. 'It certainly is strong and lasting.'" (page 64)
Nancy: "It probably helps that I haven't changed or washed my clothes since then."
Joanne: "... Oy. No wonder no one would sit next to us at the ice-ceam place."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Good morning, Nancy,' (Officer McGinnis) said. 'Here's the information you wanted. Both cars were rented from drive-yourself agencies by a man named Philip Smith,a native of Dallas, Texas. They've been returned.'" (page 64)
Officer McGinnis: "To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I'm telling you all of this, considering I'm probably violanting some sort of right-to-privacy rule..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"A turkey took a dislike to Bess and chased her to the farmhouse porch, much to the amusement of the onlookers!" (page 64-65)
Narrator: "They all enjoyed seeing Bess in pain."
Turkey: "You laugh now, Nancy Drew, but you'll be next!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Poor old Michael should be retired on a pension, but we can't afford to lose him yet!'
Joanne cheerfully hailed the hired man." (page 65)
Joanne: "Believe me, he's tried to reture several times, but we just won't let him go! Dirty pictures of a certain someone and his mistress always make good blackmail!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'... I suppose it'll be impossible for us to visit the cavern,' Nancy commented.
'I don't see why we can't. It's still our land.' Joanne frowned. 'A queer lot of people are renting it, though.'
Oh great, we're going to start in on the gay-bashing *again*, are we?
...
'They're some sort of sect- a nature cult, I think, and it's part of a large organization. At least that's what it said in the letter Gram received from their leader. Anyway, this group calls itself the Black Snake Colony.'
'Pleasant name,' Bess observed cynically.
Oh, c'mon! must you be so hateful, Bess?
'I'm not sure what they do,' Joanne admitted. 'We've never spoken to any members.
Joanne: "They're icky."
I suppose they believe in living an outdoor life.'
'You can live that way without joining a nature cult,' George said dryly. 'I suppose they dance when the dew is on the grass and such nonsense!'
'Believe it or not they do dance!' Joanne laughed. '... They wear white robes and flit around waving their arms. They even wear masks!'
... Okay, this is starting to sound less like a harmless cult and more like the KKK.
'Masks!' Nancy exclaimed. 'Why?'
'I can't imagine. It all sounds senseless.'" (page 66)
... Well. Apparently the River Heights folk aren't as tolerant as they'd like us to think! That whole conversation was weird.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'It doesn't surprise me that the Wong girl was mixed up in some underhanded affair,' George remarked. 'I didn't like her attitude from the beginning!'" (page 70)
George: "She was just too Asian for me."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'I must talk to Chief McGinnis again.'" (page 71)
Nancy: "I"m starting to show withdrawl symptoms."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Look!' Nancy exclaimed. 'This letter belongs to the nature cult. The mailman must have put it in our box by mistake.'
'What will you do?' asked Bess seriously. 'Drive over with it?'
'Of course not,' growled Mr. Abbott, who had just entered the room. 'You keep away from those outrageous people. Take it back to the post office.'" (page 74)
Mr. Abbott: "You could catch their crazy if you're not careful."
Nancy: "Excuse me, are you my father?"
Mr. Abbott: "... No."
Nancy: "Then SHUT UP!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The cow responded with a suspicious look and flirt
Down, girl.
of her tail. As Bess set down the milking stool, the cow kicked it over.
That stool will be you next time, Bess.
...
'Primrose is an extremely smart cow,' Reuben drawled. (page 75)
Reuben: "She knows who to kill."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"After a great deal of maneuvering, Bess suceeded in handling the whole procedure to the satisfaction of Primrose.
Okay girls, stop sexually pleasuring the cow. Just stop.
Nancy came last, and she, too, was a bit awkward.
Oh, my God.
When Reuben finally sat down to do the milking, the girls watched him with admiration.
Nancy: "Oh Reuben, please show us the way to properly massage a cow's udder..."
'It just takes practice,' he said, smiling." (page 75)
Bess: "If we don't have a cow's udder at home to practice with, can we-"
George: "Bess. Shut up."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'I'm dying to see what those nature enthusiasts look like,' added Bess. 'Just so they don't come too close!'" (page 76)
I think what you want, Bess, is to have them put in a zoo.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The automobile slowed down in front of the farmhouse as if about to stop. Then suddenly the car went on. Why? Nancy wondered. Had the driver seen the girls and changed his mind?" (page 78)
Driver: "Hmmm, this looks like a nice place to- OH MY GOD, IT'S NANCY DREW AND HER CRONIES! I'm getting out of here!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"... Mrs. Salisbury, who had overheard the conversation, chimed in. 'You'll ruin the value of your farm.
Like it has any value anyway.
Why, people around are saying dreadful things about the members of that cult.
Mrs. Salisbury: "Like, they enjoy nature and stuff!"
Even Reuben is afraid to go near the place!'
'I'm not,' Nancy announced.
Mrs. Salisbury: "But you're not Reuben, dear."
'I think it would be fun to investigate.'
Nancy: "I think it would be fun to treat these people like they're part of an anthropology experiment."
Mrs. Salisbury snorted.
Narrator: "Then she whickered and nudged Nancy's hand for a carrot."
'Fun! Girls these days have strange ideas of fun! First thing you know, Mrs. Byrd, she'll be wanting to
Mrs. Salisbury: "- go to college and get a job!"
join the colony!'"
Actually, that'd be a pretty cool plot-twist.
'Nonsense.' Mrs. Byrd smiled." (page 80)
Mrs. Byrd: "She knows she'll be burned at the stake if she tries anything."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Again the woman protested, but Nancy took hold of her arm and placed it over her own shoulder." (page 82)
Aw come on, Nancy! Isn't one assult charge per book enough?!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'This is killing you,' Nancy said... 'I can get our hired man to carry you-'
'No!' the woman objected vehemently." (page 82)
Woman: "If he's anything like you, just... no."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"As they made their way slowly along, (Nancy) became aware that her companion's distress was not entirely due to pain, but partially to Nancy's own presence. This mystified Nancy..." (page 82)
Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. Maybe it's because you "took hold of her arm and placed it over [your] shoulder? Ever think of that?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'There's one thing for certain,' (Nancy) said to herself with a chuckle. 'Now that the woman has forbidden me to go near the camp, I can't resist finding out what's happening there!'" (page 86)
Someone please explain to me how she hasn't gotten in trouble with the law yet.
(Oh yeah, probably because of her "good friend" Chief McGinnis, whom I'm sure she blackmails regularly.)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy was just approaching the farmhouse when she heard the phone ringing. She hurried inside and answered it.
'Yes, this is Nancy Drew,' she replied to a strange man's question.
Nancy: "Yes, I would like my subscription to Playboy renewed."
'One moment.'
Recording: "Your call is important to us. Please hold."
While Nancy waited, she wondered who the caller might be. Was someone going to threaten her to desist in her detective work?
'Oh!' she said as the next speaker announced himself as Chief McGinnis.
Chief McGinnis: "Nancy, I'm threatening you to desist in your detective work."
'I have some news, Nancy,' the officer said. 'It's discouraging.'" (page 86)
Chief McGinnis: "You remember that lawsuit I swore I could clear up? Well..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'(Nancy needs to) find out where the Hale Syndicate moved to after it left Room 305.'
Maybe the hotel room next door?
'Then that was their headquarters!' Nancy cried excitedly.
'Temporarily. But they left no forwarding address,' the police chief said." (page 87)
Uh, yeah. Like they're gonna be all, "To the police: We've moved to this new address! Come arrest us!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Have you come across any possible clues to what the cult is worshiping, Nancy?'" (page 87)
Nancy: "The Flying Spaghetti Monster?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The girl detective hesitated a moment before telling Chief McGinnis about her curious conversation with the woman she had assisted in the woods." (page 87-88)
Narrator: "She was worried it would just sound too kinky."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Chief McGinnis refused to comment on the possibility that the Black Snake Colony might be a phony group." (page 89)
Chief McGinnis: "That'll be covered in the 2 o'clock briefing. That's a full lid, Nancy."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy had not planned to tell them of her experience, but her face was so animated it revealed her thoughts.
Bess: "Nancy, from your face expression, I guess that you met a wounded woman in the woods and, against her wishes, helped her back to the colony where she lives!"
They besieged her with questions until finally she
Narrator: " - broke down sobbing."
revealed her meeting with the woman member of the strange nature cult." (page 89)
Nancy: "Mrs. Salisbury, I don't care what people in town say. At least that cult member was a good kisser!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"... (Nancy) forced a smile and said, 'It seems to me that this matter may be of deep concern to Jo and her grandmother, if not to me.'
Mrs. Byrd had stepped to the porch door in time to get the gist of the conversation, and at once spoke up." (page 90)
Mrs. Byrd: "No Nancy, we really couldn't care less about your little obsessions with this cult... if they cause trouble, we'll get rid of them, and that's the end of it. Now would you please stop annoying the guests?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'We must make our plans carefully. Before we do anything, I suggest we find out about the robes the cult members wear. We may need to wear similar ones to help us in our investigation.'" (page 91)
Nancy: "I have a friend in the Klan who might be able to help us out."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"After a light supper and some rather forced conversation on trivial matters..." (page 92)
Bess: (tight-lipped) "Why yes, Nancy, I do think that law school would be rather dull."
Nancy: (stiffly) "Well Bess, I think my father might just kill you for that comment."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'You're up to something,' Mrs. Salisbury remarked the next morning. 'And if I were Mrs. Byrd, I'd put a stop to it at once!'
Nancy: "Well, no one asked your opinion, tightwad."
Mrs. Byrd, however, went on serenely with her work, being careful not to interfere with the girls' plans." (page 92)
Narrator: "She suspected that she really didn't want to know."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'By the way, where do these nature people get their food?' Nancy queried." (page 93)
Oh, I don't know, maybe they HUNT or eat NATURAL FOOD? Geez, it's not rocket science, y'know...
"'Look, girls!' (Nancy) exclaimed. 'They're at it again!' (page 93)
Nancy: "Another mass orgy!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Let's follow them into the cave!' George proposed rashly.
'And be caught?' Nancy returned." (page 95)
George: "But Nancy, you've never worried about being caught before!"
Nancy: "Silly! Quasi-legal actions are brave and adventurous when I do them, but when you do them, they're just rash and irresponsible."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'It looks to me as if only a few persons are actually living in the Black Snake Colony. Apparently they want to give the impression that the organization is a large one...'" (page 95)
Or maybe they really don't give a crap what people's impressions of them are. Ever thought of that?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The next morning Georege remarked, as she helped Nancy make her bed,
George: "Was it good for you, too?"
'What do you suppose those men do between ceremonials? It certainly is strange how much time they spend in that cave!'
*cough, clears throat* Oh, wow. Seriously George, sometimes it's better not to ask.
'What puzzles me is those automobiles that were on the hillside,' Bess said. 'Why did they come? Surely those men were here for something besides ballet dancing.'" (page 97)
Bess: "Hee hee, like my rude and semi-derogatory remarks?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"When (Bess, George, and Nancy) returned, a small, strange
foreign,
car was standing
on it's own two feet,
in the driveway. Loud voices were coming from the living room.
'I don't have to sell and I won't sell!' Mrs. Byrd said with finality in her tone." (page 98)
Mrs. Byrd: "Women shouldn't be forced into selling their bodies!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Mr. Kent, his face red with anger, stepped into his car and sped off, but not before he gave Nancy and her friends a baleful look.
Narrator: "Just one, so they'd have to share."
'Nice disposition,' George commented sarcastically." (page 99)
George: "Next thing you know he'll be complaining about having to walk ten miles in the pouring rain!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy was sure the matter (with Mr. Kent insisting on buying the farm) was tied in with the cult on the hillside but did not mention this theory." (page 99)
Narrator: "She knew how desperate it would sound."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'I'll get the cow,' Nancy offered,
Bess: "Nancy, I told you yesterday- stop calling me that!"
and went off toward the pasture to drive Primrose in.
Nancy: (in frusteration) "Where is the ignition on this thing?!"
But the cow was not there." (page 99)
Milky White, NO!!!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy recoiled. The man stood in the shadows of the shrubbery so that she could not see his face distinctly. But at the sound of his voice, she knew instinctively she was in danger.
Nancy: "Oh, no! Evil people always have Russian accents!"
'I must persuade him I wasn't spying,' she thought desperately.
Nancy: "Which is a shame, because I really hate lying!"
...
'I was hunting for that cow,' Nancy replied as casually as possible...
Nancy: "Red Gate is a free-range beef farm."
There was a moment's silence. Nancy could feel that the man was staring at her, as if undecided whether or not to believe her.
Narrator: "Nancy was used to people acting that way around her."
'So you were after the cow?' the lookout growled.
The Lookout: "If she wants to sue, I'll gladly be a witness in court!"
'Then why are you by this cave?'" (page 101)
Nancy: (unconvincingly) "... Because the cow... uh...told me to..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Oh!' Nancy exclaimed in pretend awe. 'Then you must belong to the colony. How very interesting!'" (page 101)
Nancy: "How many newborn babies have you sacrificed today? I'm so very interested!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"For an instant Nancy was tempted to follow (the man into the cave), but common sense told her not to press her luck." (page 102)
Well, there's a first time for everything, I suppose."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"When Nancy finally reached the barn and Joanne began to milk Primrose, the other girls plied their friend with questions." (page 102)
The Girls: "Oh please, teach us all your milking secrets!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Girls don't faint these days?' George scoffed.
Well, what do you call Joanne's little number on the train, then?!
'Probably you'd have screamed and brought all the (cult) members down on you.
Cult Members: "PILE ON NANCY!"
They'd have dragged you off and put an end to you!'" (page 103)
George: "Isn't it fun the way we encourage rumors and gross exaggeration here at Red Gate Farm?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"A tall, slender woman who wore her hair piled high was walking to the front door.
Nancy leaned out the window and called,
Nancy: "Excuse me, miss! The 80's are down that way and to the left!"
'What is your wish?'" (page 103)
Big Hair Lady: "The cow as white as milk (or Primrose will be fine), the hair as yellow as corn (I'll just take some of yours, Nancy), the cape as red as blood (your supposed 'teh eb0l' cult probably has one), the slipper as pure as gold (nah, no one here could afford that)!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy did not recognize the woman's voice. But she might be disguising it." (page 104)
Narrator: "She could be Monica Lewinsky for all she knew."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The stopping of the car at the hosue had awakened Mrs. Byrd who slept on the first floor. She met Nancy in the hall and asked what was happening." (page 105)
Mrs. Byrd: "Also, I think I heard a leaf fall in the front yard. It's just so loud up here!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The message was type written and was succinct. Nancy was to return home at once. Her father needed her. She was not to try to communicate with him. He could not explain why. It was signed
Narrator: "- person who is your father, and is not an impersonator in any way at all, no siree."
'Dad.'" (page 105)
Well, you know my thing is what they mean...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The young detective held the envelope to her nostrils." (page 106)
Nancy: "Hey, cool! Someone sprinkled cocaine in here for me!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'I'm going to call Dad, even though it's an unearthly hour to waken him.'
Nancy: "I want to see how far I can go before he looses it and kicks me out of the house."
(Nancy) picked up the receiver in the hall. No sound reached her ears. 'I"m afraid the line is dead,' she told Mrs. Byrd. 'Does this happen often?'" (page 106)
Nancy: "Do you often get cut off when you're trying to call my house?'
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'But why?' Nancy asked herself repeatedly." (page 107)
Nancy: "Oh, why me?"
"Mrs. Byrd patted Nancy on the shoulder. 'But don't go anywhere alone. Take Bess and George with you.'" (page 107)
Mrs. Byrd: "They won't be any help if you get into any real trouble, but their goofiness might scare off any potential assailants."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Presently Bess sighted (a gas station) on the main road. 'It's the same place we stopped to eat on our way to the farm,' she said." (page 108)
Nancy: "Hey, neat! Maybe we can get more counterfeit bills here!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The girls were the only customers in the restaurant. No one came to wait on them." (page 109)
George: "Hmmm, I wonder if this has anything to do with the big 'CLOSED' sign out front."